


The Power of Love

by BackinBlack_80



Series: The Power of Love [1]
Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series), Karate Kid (Movies)
Genre: Blowjobs, Canon Divergance, Domestic Violence, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Homophobia, M/M, Seperation, Teenage Lawrusso into Adult Lawrusso, lawrusso, returning to each other, some smut, tragic love story with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 64,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27160694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BackinBlack_80/pseuds/BackinBlack_80
Summary: Two boys fell in love in the 80s and spent the next three decades circling each other, falling in and out of each other's lives, everything, everyone and their own stupid pride pulling them apart and circumstances bringing them back together. Does love truly conquer all or is it all just a stupid fantasy?
Relationships: Daniel LaRusso/Johnny Lawrence
Series: The Power of Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140206
Comments: 53
Kudos: 149





	1. 1984

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for homophobia, homophobic language and domestic violence.

‘Sweep the leg’

Johnny looked at his Sensei, searching his eyes. He hesitated and the man saw it.

‘You have a problem with that?’ he hissed.

Johnny stuttered ‘No, Sensei’ 

His Sensei nodded, expecting his student’s compliance. ‘No mercy’.

Johnny stepped away from the man, back to the mat. He looked at the crowds, booing him, shouting at him. He looked at the dark-haired boy in front of him, limping, almost finished. Johnny looked back at his Sensei who stared impassively at him, appraising him. Johnny knew he was being watched, assessed for weakness. That weakness would not be tolerated.

The referee restarted the match. ‘Lawrence nothing’. Those words weighed heavily on him.

Johnny looked back at his Sensei and did what he had been taught. No mercy. He went for the boy, swiping at his leg and kicking up, connecting with the head. The boy cried out and went down. Johnny could hear his teammates yelling while the crowd booed.

‘One-point Lawrence, two points LaRusso’ 

The boy got up. Johnny looked at his Sensei, who nodded. Was he pleased? Johnny knew he wouldn’t be satisfied until it was over.

The referee restarted the match and there was a flurry of punches and kicks that his opponent blocked. He went to the floor and rolled away from Johnny before Johnny connected with his ribs.

‘One-point Lawrence, two to two’ 

The boy struck out a Johnny and Johnny moved away easily. His opponent was at his weakest when on the offensive and Johnny knew that. He attacked back. The boy limped away from Johnny’s kicks.

‘Out of bounds’

The boy limped back into the ring. He had nothing left and Johnny could see it. It was like fighting an injured deer, it should be easy, but the deer kept on getting away from him. Johnny looked back at his Sensei, who glared at him. His Sensei knew, knew that Johnny was failing. This should be easy.

Johnny swept at his leg and the boy fell, got up again. Johnny was knocked to the floor, pushing himself back up to his feet. There was another flurry of kicks, which were blocked. Johnny tried a final attempt and punched his opponent in the face.

The referee turned to the dark-haired boy on the mat who was clutching his face. ‘Are you OK?’ He looked at Johnny. ‘No point’ Johnny saw the referee’s face as he looked at him. Johnny was ashamed. He knew the rules. His Sensei continued to watch impassively. 

The match restarted. The boy kicked at Johnny and Johnny caught his foot, held it. The boy hopped once, desperate for balance, and Johnny drove his elbow into his knee. He felt the knee move under the impact. The boy cried out and fell to the floor. The crowd booed. 

Johnny knelt on the mat. ‘Are you sure you’re OK?’ he heard from the other side. 

The referee looked at Johnny. ‘On your feet’ Johnny jumped up and turned. ‘Warning for illegal contact to the knee’ 

Johnny looked at his appointment, limping heavily now. He heard the shouts from his teammates. ‘Get him a body bag! Yeah!’ Johnny knew that his Sensei wasn’t listening to the crowds, was just watching his student. He had one final shot at victory. Failure was not an option. 

The match restarted. The crowd were shouting, Johnny couldn't hear what they were saying anymore, just a cacophony of noise in his ears. He picked out his Sensei's voice through the noise. ‘Finish him!’

Johnny steeled himself against the crowd and the voices; focused on his opponent. He stood on one leg, arms out. Johnny looked at him, stopped moving. He remembered his training. Strike First. Johnny went in and felt the rush of air before the impact. Johnny went down, clutching his face.

‘Winner!’ Johnny had lost.

The crowd rushed to the mat, lifting his opponent in the air. Johnny got up. His Sensei was watching him. Johnny knew he was finished but he felt a rush of emotion in that moment, the adrenaline of the match and the crowds taking him along. He had pushed himself so far. Johnny stepped forward, took the trophy.

‘You’re alright, LaRusso. Good match’ He said it and meant it. The crowd carried Daniel away, leaving Johnny alone on the mat. His Sensei had left.

Johnny walked to the locker room. He could feel his hands shaking with the emotion of it all. The locker room was empty. Johnny found his bag, feeling like he was moving in slow motion. He picked up his clothes and moved to the showers. Johnny hadn’t stopped to collect his second-place trophy. 

*************************

Johnny stepped into the parking lot, looking for his friends. They were waiting for him. He breathed out and walked towards them. Someone stopped him. 

‘Hey, man. You forgot this’ He passed Johnny a trophy. Johnny looked at the inscription. Second Place. He sighed and headed towards the cars. That was when he spotted his Sensei, watching him. Johnny walked towards him.

‘You’re off the team’ the man barked as Johnny got closer. He turned his back on Johnny.

Johnny couldn’t believe it. Everything he had known, gone over one match. ‘That’s not fair. I did my best’ he protested, feeling like a reprimanded child.

His Sensei turned back to him. ‘You lost. You’re nothing. You’re a loser’

Johnny’s heart sank. The words were so close to the ones used on so many occasions by his stepfather. He had worked so hard in the hope of never hearing those words again. They sounded so much like Sid. Johnny felt the familiar anger that had become a comfort to him at home

‘You’re the loser’ he shouted at the man.

‘Oh, yeah. I’m the loser?’ His Sensei sneered at him.

‘Yeah’

The man ripped the trophy from his hands, snapped it in front of his face. Johnny watched as parts of it littered the car park. 

‘Now who’s the loser?’ 

He looked at his Sensei in shock, had seen violence in the man before but never such pettiness. Johnny didn’t care about the trophy but for the first time saw what the man was, who he was. 

‘You’re really sick, man’ he said. There was something wrong with his Sensei and he saw it now.

Before Johnny could take another breath, the man took hold of him, spun him just as he had taught his student to do and took hold of his neck; started to squeeze. 

Johnny could hear a commotion around him, shouting from his teammates but all he could focus on was the arm around his neck, the desperate need for oxygen. He clawed at the man’s arm, but it only squeezed tighter. 

‘How's second place feel now, huh?’ the man barked in his ear as Johnny struggled. Johnny heard his friends, felt the impact as his Sensei hit out at those around him.

Johnny could see lights dancing in front of his face, his lungs burning, when suddenly he was dropped. He fell to the floor, clutching his neck, taking deep breaths. 

Glass showered onto his head as his Sensei attempted to attack the smaller man. Johnny looked up and saw Daniel watching him, those big brown eyes lit up by the lights of the parking lot. Johnny saw pity in those eyes and moved his eyes downwards, staring at the floor between his legs. He sat like that for a while, shrugging off the help of his friends, only getting up after everyone had left. 

Johnny staggered to his feet. There was glass in his hair. He put his hands to the floor to push himself up and felt glass cut into his hands. Johnny was alone. He walked across the parking lot. He stepped over the pieces of his second-place trophy; discarded, just like it’s owner. Johnny started to walk home.

Johnny stepped into the reception of his home, marble floor under his feet. It was quiet, his mother and stepfather out for the evening. Johnny hadn’t seen them all day, wasn’t sure if they even remembered the tournament was today. It had been so many years since they had attended. 

The marble floor squeaked under the soles of Johnny’s trainers as he walked up the stairs to his room. He closed the door behind him and laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He could still hear the sound of the crowds in his ears, his Sensei’s eyes boring into him as he ordered him ‘sweep the leg’. Johnny had done what he had always done; followed orders. It wasn’t enough. Johnny had never been allowed to fail. Failure had never been an option. 

*****************************

Johnny woke the next morning. He was lying on his bed, still wearing last night's clothes. He groaned as he remembered the night before. He turned over and felt the stiffness in his neck. Whether it was from the kick or the events in the parking lot he didn’t know. 

He rolled over, placing his feet on the floor. Johnny staggered to his feet and walked to his bathroom, dropping his clothes as he went. He stepped into his shower and let the hot water relax him.

The room started to steam up as he leant his head against the tiles, closing his eyes, letting the water run down him. All he could see were those brown eyes staring at him. Johnny thought it had been pity but he knew now it was sadness he had seen. He felt that Daniel had seen something in Johnny in that moment, something more than the school bully. Johnny wanted to talk to him. Wanted to make amends for all the shit of the past six months. It had all been so fucking wrong.

Johnny turned the shower off and stepped towards the mirror. He wiped the steam off with his forearm and looked at himself. Years of training had been good to him, he knew that. He knew that when people looked at him they saw strength; an athlete. Johnny never saw that. He always saw the same skinny boy he had been, desperate to belong, vulnerable and fragile. The more Johnny worked, the harder his body became but all he ever saw was weakness. 

Johnny sighed and turned away from his reflection. 

***********************

Daniel heard the door, got up and staggered to the window. The last person he had expected stood on his doorstep. He leaned against the wall.

Johnny! What did he want? Daniel’s heart started to beat faster as he felt the pain in his knee. He had seen a doctor straight after the match; had been taken to the hospital. Dislocation they had told him. After Mr Miyagi had fixed his knee, Johnny’s elbow had dislocated it again and it had stayed dislocated. It was only the adrenaline and shock that had kept Daniel on his feet for the remainder of the match. He looked through the curtains again. This time Johnny looked around at him. Daniel ducked below the window.

‘Come on, LaRusso. I can see you in the window’

Daniel limped to the door. ‘What do you want, Johnny?’ he called.

‘I just….’ Johnny stopped. Why was he here? He hesitated. ‘I wanted to see if you were OK?’

Daniel snorted. ‘Yeah right, Johnny. I’m not opening this door. Go away!’ He turned away from the door, limped away.

‘Come on, man. I’m not gonna hurt you, I swear. Let me in. I want to talk’ Johnny put his hand on the door. ‘I’m sorry, OK’.

Daniel stopped. Turned back towards the door. He put his hand to the door handle. Daniel hesitated and opened the door.

Johnny wasn’t anticipating the door opening, still had his hand up, flat, where his palm had been against the wood moments before. 

‘Hi’ he said, almost shy, not knowing what to say. He hadn’t really expected Daniel to actually let him in.

‘Well?’ Daniel said.

‘Uh…. well what?’ Johnny asked.

‘You said you were sorry’ Johnny could see Daniel was angry. 

‘Yeah. I am. I’m sorry’ he responded. 

Daniel hadn’t expected to be given the opportunity to confront Johnny and now the boy was in front of him, he could feel his pulse racing. He had so much he wanted to say, and it all came out at once.

‘Oh yeah, Johnny. What are you sorry for? The black eyes? You and your buddies beating on me?’ He stepped closer to Johnny, was satisfied to see the other boy step back from him. ‘How you treated Ali?’ Daniel pushed Johnny in the chest. ‘Or for cheating last night? Huh? How about my knee?’. Daniel shoved Johnny again, sending himself off balance as he did so. Johnny reached out and took his arm, helping to steady him.

‘Get off me!’ Daniel shrugged his arm away. He turned and limped back into his apartment. Johnny followed him. 

Daniel limped over to the sofa and sat down heavily. He turned and watched as Johnny looked around his living room. It was odd seeing the other boy in his home, touching items on the shelf, picking up Daniel’s mother’s clown ornament from the shelf, looking at it and placing it back down. Johnny looked almost too big for the room, tall and blond haired. He didn’t fit.

Johnny stood and looked at him. ‘Look, I’m sorry alright. For all of it. That wasn’t me. It was….’

Daniel snorted again. ‘Who was it? Your evil twin?’ He looked Johnny in the eye, no longer afraid of him. ‘Don’t come here and make excuses for yourself. Either you’re sorry and you own it, or you’re not’. Daniel moved around, trying to pull his injured leg up onto the sofa, wincing.

Johnny moved to help him, reached for Daniel's leg.

‘Don’t touch me’ Daniel hissed at him. Johnny stepped back; hands raised in surrender.

‘OK, OK. I won’t’ Johnny sat in the armchair opposite him. ‘So, how is the knee?’ he asked, carefully.

‘It hurts. How’s your face?’ Daniel asked with a sneer.

‘It’s OK’ Johnny muttered. He looked around, feeling awkward again. He looked around as Daniel watched him. ‘Nice place’ 

Daniel snorted with derision. ‘Oh yeah. What? Too small for you?’ 

‘No. It reminds me of the apartment me and my mum had when I was a kid. It was nice’

Daniel looked at Johnny, his face softened for a moment. He remembered himself, his face changed again, he glared at the boy. ‘Whatever. What do you want, Johnny?’ 

‘I just…… I wanted to check on you. What happened last night wasn’t right. I’m glad you won. You deserved it. More than I did’ Johnny was being honest. It wouldn’t have mattered if he had won anyway. It would never have been enough. ‘I know we can never be friends. But I did want to say I am sorry. I won’t bother you anymore. None of us will’

‘OK. Well, thank you’ Daniel played with the comforter on the sofa. The boys were silent for a moment. ‘Since you're here, do you wanna watch TV or something?’ Daniel asked.

‘Sure’ Johnny smiled. He stood up. ‘Do you want me to get anything for you?’ he asked. 

‘Uh, yeah. A tea would be great’. 

Johnny nodded, headed over to the small kitchen. Daniel watched as Johnny opened cupboards, finding mugs and tea bags. He turned to the stove and boiled some water. Johnny turned, caught Daniel watching and smiled at him. Daniel didn’t smile back, just kept on watching him. 

Johnny placed a mug of tea in front of Daniel and sat back in the chair, holding the mug on his thigh. The boys fell into another silence.

Daniel spoke first. ‘So, it was just you and your mum?’

Johnny smiled. ‘Yeah. When I was a kid. Before she married’

‘And your Dad?’

Johnny looked at his hands. ‘I…. uh…. never really knew my Dad. It was just the two of us. It was good. We were dirt poor, but it never seemed to matter. She married when I was 9. My stepdad’s an asshole but I know why she did it. She wanted me to have what she didn’t’. He sighed. ‘I don’t think it ever occurred to her that I didn’t want any of that shit’

‘I just assumed you were born into it. That whole privileged lifestyle’ 

‘Yeah. Well, we don’t really know each other at all, do we’ They were silent. Johnny tried to change the subject, tried to lighten the mood that has just come over them both. ‘So, what’s on TV, then. What do you wanna watch?’ Johnny got up, turned the TV on, started flicking through the channels. He found a baseball game but turned it over.

‘Hey, leave that on’ Daniel protested. 

‘Ugh, baseball!’ Johnny teased. ‘So boring’

‘Shut up and put it on’

‘Fine whatever.’ Johnny turned the TV back to the baseball game. He came over to the sofa, sat down. ‘Budge up’

‘Why can’t you just sit over there’ Daniel complained, pointing to the chair. 

‘Because I want to sit here. I can’t see the TV from there’ Johnny shifted around.

‘You are such a pain, you don’t even like baseball. I want to put my leg there’ Daniel complained.

‘Then just put your leg on me. Stop moaning. Watch the game’ Johnny pulled Daniel’s injured leg across his lap and turned towards the TV, reaching for his mug. 

Daniel watched the TV, stealing glances at Johnny. He still didn’t trust it. Johnny in his house, watching TV with him, Daniel’s injured leg across him. It all seemed too weird. Johnny spoke, breaking Daniel’s train of thought.

‘Why are you looking at me?’ Johnny asked, not looking away from the TV. 

‘I’m not looking at you’

‘I can feel you watching me. What is it?’ Johnny turned to Daniel.

‘I don’t know, man. It’s just weird you being here. After everything that happened’ 

Johnny sighed, looked back at the TV. ‘Just watch the game’

Daniel couldn’t let it go. ‘You’re Sensei?’

Johnny sighed, turned towards Daniel. ‘What about him?’

‘He’s crazy. Why did you...you know…. listen to him? You must have known there was something wrong with him’

‘You wouldn’t understand’ was his only answer.

‘Try me’ Daniel challenged

Johnny sighed. 'Things at home were shit. My stepfather was always going at me and my Mum. I thought…. I thought that he would make me strong, you know. It made me feel good, like I was good at something. It all got fucked up. Nothing I did was ever going to be enough. Losing was never an option. It’s was all too much pressure’

Daniel just looked at him, nodded. He had never thought about it from Johnny’s perspective. He knew what a psycho Kreese was, but he had never spared a thought for his students, the reasons they stayed.

Daniel didn’t push any further. He settled in to watch the match.

A while later, Johnny looked over at Daniel. Daniel was asleep on the sofa. Johnny got up, moving Daniel’s leg carefully. He turned the TV off and pulled the comforter over Daniel. He moved quietly, placing their mugs back in the kitchen. Johnny collected his jacket and walked towards the front door. He headed towards his car and drove home.

As Johnny pulled up, he saw that his stepfather’s car was in the driveway. They were home. Johnny walked up the stone stairs and let himself in through the large front doors. He moved across the reception area, hearing voices in the kitchen. He didn’t want to talk. 

Johnny started up the stairs quietly when he heard someone call his name. ‘Johnny. Is that you?’ His mother.

He sighed and turned, walked back towards the kitchen. His mother and stepfather sat at the table by the windows, eating lunch, reading the newspapers. 

‘Hey, honey. How was the tournament?’ his mother asked. His stepfather didn’t look up from his newspaper.

‘It was fine’ He stood in the doorway, not moving into the room.

‘Good’ was her only response. They never asked any questions anymore, so he gave them no further information. His mother looked back at her newspaper and Johnny left the room.

*****************************

The next evening Daniel heard a knock on his door. His mother opened the door. 

Daniel recognised the voice. ‘Oh. Hi, Mrs LaRusso. Is Daniel in?’ Johnny was back.

‘He is. But I doubt he wants to see you after what you did’ Daniel heard his mother retort. 

‘Mum’ he called. ‘It’s OK. Let him in’

Johnny appeared in the living room, followed by Lucille. She wasn’t happy. ‘You have a lot of nerve coming here after what you boys did to him. Look at him. Are you proud of yourself?’ 

Johnny looked at his feet. ‘No, ma’am. I apologised to Daniel. It shouldn’t have happened’ He looked at Daniel. ‘I am sorry’ he said

‘I know, Johnny. It’s OK. Mum, it’s alright. We’re fine’

‘Hmm. Well if you are sure. I have to go to work’. Lucille went to Daniel, leant over, and kissed him on the head. ‘Look after yourself’ She turned to Johnny. ‘And you. If you're gonna stay, make yourself useful. There are some leftovers in the fridge. Heat them up for Daniel. There should be enough for you as well if you want something’

‘I will, ma’am. Thank you’ 

‘Yes, well. OK. You boys have a good evening’ Lucille looked at Johnny again, narrowed her eyes at him. She turned and left the apartment.

Johnny sighed and sat down. ‘Your mum’s scary’ he said.

Daniel laughed. ‘Yeah, she can be’

‘I don’t think she likes me very much’ 

‘Yeah, well you hurt her son. Don’t worry. She’ll be fine’ Daniel paused. ‘So, what are you doing back here?’

‘I thought we could do something’ 

‘I can’t do much, but we can just hang out’

There was a silence. Johnny broke it first. ‘So, the knee? What did the doctor say?’

‘It’s just a dislocation. It should heal OK with time. I have to start doing some exercises or it will get too weak’

‘That’s good. What are the exercises?’

‘At the moment just leg raises, getting the thigh muscle working. That kind of stuff’ Daniel rubbed his leg absentmindedly as he spoke.

‘And are you doing them? The exercises?’ Johnny asked.

‘Not really. I’m supposed to do them three times a day, but I forget’ he confessed.

Johnny jumped up. ‘Well, let’s do them now, while we are talking about it’

‘No, Johnny. Leave me alone’ Daniel protested. 

‘Come on. It will never heal if you don’t do them’ Johnny sat on the floor next to the sofa.

Daniel smiled. ‘You don’t care. You just don’t want me to be crippled forever so you don't have to feel bad’

Johnny laughed. ‘Maybe. So, do it for me’ 

Daniel smiled. It was nice to hear the boy laugh. Daniel didn’t think he had ever heard Johnny laugh and it was a nice sound, had a childlike quality. ‘OK, fine’ He relented. ‘Grab that piece of paper. It has my exercises written down’

*****************************

Three days later Johnny was back at Daniel’s, had been there every afternoon that week. 

‘Come on, Daniel. Move that leg. No mercy!’ he demanded.

‘Don’t try that no mercy shit with me, Lawrence’ 

Johnny smiled. ‘OK. Not no mercy. But don’t be such a wuss. You just have to do three more and I know you can do it’

Daniel grimaced as he lifted his leg again, focused on squeezing the thigh muscle. ‘One’ he breathed.

‘Come on. Two more. You can do it’

Daniel breathed. ‘Two’. He took a breath. ‘Three’ Daniel dropped his leg back onto the carpet and breathed. ‘There. Done’

Johnny sat on the floor, stretched his legs out next to Daniel’s. ‘I told you you could do it’

‘Yeah, yeah’ was all Daniel said. 

‘What’s next?’ Johnny asked, picked up the list of Daniel’s exercises.

‘Oh, come on, Johnny. I need a break’ Daniel pulled himself back onto the sofa.

‘Oh, don’t be a baby. How are you gonna get fighting fit again with an attitude like that. What else do you have to do?’

Daniel sighed, rolled his eyes. ‘OK. They have said that I need to start cycling’

‘Like on a bike?’

‘Yeah, on a bike. But I don’t know. I can’t go out like this’ Daniel gestured down to his leg.

‘Hmm’ Johnny smiled. ‘I have an idea.

*********************

The next day Johnny pulled up outside of Daniel’s apartment. Daniel watched him from the window. Johnny was pulling a white, metal contraption out of his car. It was far too big for the little sports car, the Avanti convertible not designed for transporting anything more than kids on their way to parties.

Johnny pulled and the machine finally popped out of the back seat, making Johnny fall back into the grass. Daniel sniggered to himself as he watched Johnny curse, climb to his feet, dusting off his jeans. He lifted the machine and started walking towards the apartment block.

Daniel opened the door as Johnny came up the stairs. ‘What is that?’

Johnny looked proud of himself. ‘This, my friend, is a stationary exercise bike’ Daniel held the door open as Johnny carried it into the living room, placed it in the middle of the apartment. ‘It’s my mum’s and she never uses it. It’s a bike but with no wheels’

‘So, a bike that goes nowhere? Sounds pointless’ Daniel snorted.

‘No, man. You can use it to strengthen your leg. Look’ Johnny climbed onto the saddle and started to cycle. ‘You can increase the resistance here.’ He turned the red knob on the frame.

Daniel wasn’t convinced. ‘I don’t know’

‘Just get on it and try it out’ Johnny hopped off and held the handles towards Daniel. 

Daniel reluctantly climbed on. He started to cycle slowly, wincing as his leg first moved through the rotation. His face started to relax. ‘I can do it!’ he said, smiling as he cycled.

‘Yeah, you see. As you get stronger you can make the resistance harder. We’ll get you back out on your real bike in no time’

Daniel looked at Johnny. Johnny was beaming, so proud of his idea and Daniel was touched by the gift. ‘Thanks, man. Are you sure your mum won’t miss it?’

‘Nah. It was just sitting in a spare room. She won’t even notice’

They turned round as the apartment door opened. Lucille walked in with a shopping bag.

‘Hi, boys. What is that?’ she asked, looking at the bike in the middle of her living room. 

‘It’s a bike for me to exercise my knee on. Johnny gave it to me. Isn’t it great?’ Daniel started to cycle again. 

‘Yeah, that’s great, sweetie’. Lucille nodded towards the shopping bags on the doorstep. ‘Johnny, can you get these for me?’

‘Sure, Mrs LaRusso’ Johnny picked up both bags and carried them to the kitchen.

Lucille had gotten used to finding the blond boy in her house, had started to warm to him. He seemed sincerely sorry about what happened between him and Daniel and he made her son smile. He also had impeccable manners and was always respectful. She had even had to ask him to stop calling her ma’am. It made her feel old.

‘Johnny, will you be staying for dinner?’ she asked.

‘If that’s OK?’ he asked.

‘Sure. Do you want to help? I’m making pasta from scratch and could do with another pair of hands’

‘Of course,’ Johnny got up and followed her into the kitchen.

Johnny enjoyed watching Lucille cook. He would ask her questions and let her show him techniques. Lucille had asked about his parents and Johnny had been evasive and avoided the question, which told her what she needed to know. She didn’t know much about Johnny’s home life and tried not to pry, but she could tell from the way that he watched her, hung around the kitchen while she cooked, that he enjoyed the domesticity of it. She had a feeling he didn’t get that at home.

***************************

Johnny sat in the booth with his friends, eating french fries from his plate. He listened to the laughter and chatter going on around him. He was quiet.

‘Hey Johnny’ Tommy asked. ‘Where have you been recently? We haven't seen you for ages’ He stuffed a handful of fries into his mouth.

‘I’ve been about. Just busy’ he answered, taking a drink of his milkshake.

All the boys apart from Dutch had quit Cobra Kai after the night of the tournament. Dutch was the only one still wearing his Cobra Kai jacket.

Jimmy turned to Dutch. ‘How’s training going?’

‘Good man. Sensei says I’m the best in on the team’ Dutch answered, looking at Johnny, smirking.

‘Yeah. You’re welcome to it’ Johnny answered.

‘Sensei says that I have the spirit of a winner. That some people just can’t handle the pressure’ Dutch said, looking pointedly at Johnny.

Johnny continued eating, knowing the other boy was trying to wind him up. The others had gone quiet. He finished his fries and got up.

‘I’m gonna head off’ he threw his napkin onto his plate.

‘Stay, Johnny. Ignore Dutch, he’s just being an asshole’ Bobby protested.

‘Hey!’ Dutch said, throwing a fry at his friend.

‘Nah, I’m OK. See you guys’ Johnny took his jacket, started towards the door.

Tommy punched Dutch on the arm with annoyance as Johnny walked out. ‘Fucking well done, Dutch. He was my ride home’. Dutch just laughed.

Johnny climbed into his car and sat behind the wheel. He sighed. Johnny looked at the clock on the dash. Was it too late to go and see Daniel? Johnny decided against it, headed home.

**************************

1984 turned into 1985 and Winter turned into Spring. Johnny and Daniel were spending more time together. School had started and they still kept to their respective social circles but outside school they would see each other almost every other day. 

Between spending time with Daniel and preparing for his final exams, Johnny had not been seen much outside of school and he felt he was drifting away from the other boys. Dutch was spending a lot of time training, Kreese expecting the dedication from Dutch that he had expected from Johnny. Tommy had a new girlfriend and Jimmy was also struggling with the weight of exams. The only one of the group who Johnny still saw regularly was Bobby. He had always been closer to Bobby than the others.

They sat on the wall outside of the gym, waiting for class.

‘So, you’re spending a lot of time with LaRusso at the moment’ Bobby observed

‘Yeah. He’s OK. We have a laugh’ Johnny looked at Bobby. ‘You’re OK with that, aren’t you?’

‘Of course. It’s good you two are getting on. Just weird. Never would have placed you and LaRusso as friends’ Bobby teased.

‘Me either’ Johnny confessed.

*************************

Johnny was laying on Daniel’s bed, reading a magazine, while Daniel sat at his desk studying. Johnny rolled onto his front, sighed.

Daniel didn’t look up from his work as he spoke. ‘You don’t have to sit and watch me study, you know’

‘What else am I supposed to do?’ Johnny asked.

‘Don’t you have a home of your own to go to?’ Daniel teased. 

The smile fell from Johnny’s face. He turned back to his magazine. ‘I’m OK’

Daniel got up and sat on the bed with Johnny. ‘Johnny, is everything alright at home?’ 

Johnny looked at him, huffed out a laugh. ‘Yeah, sure man. Why’

Daniel took Johnny’s arm and pulled his sleeve up. ‘You think I don’t notice this stuff’, exposing the bruises on Johnny’s arm. There were three clear finger marks on Johnny’s forearm. 

Johnny pulled his arm away, rolled his sleeve over them. ‘It’s nothing, man. Just Sid being a prick’ He went back to his magazine. 

‘Does your Mum know?’ Daniel asked carefully.

Johnny didn’t look up, didn’t want to see those brown eyes looking at him with concern. ‘Yeah. She doesn’t give a shit what he does. So long as he keeps paying her credit card bill’ he said bitterly.

Daniel nodded. He changed the subject ‘You wanna stay over tonight. We can watch some movies, order a pizza’

Johnny smiled. ‘Sure, that sounds good’

****************************

Daniel looked over at the boy next to him. It was late and the movie Halloween was on the TV. Johnny had fallen asleep a little while ago and was now curled up next to Daniel on the bed. Daniel watched him sleep, still couldn't believe that this was the same boy who had attacked him that day on the beach. It seemed so long ago.

Johnny’s sleeve had rolled up as he slept, and Daniel looked down at the bruises on Johnny’s arm. He had seen marks on the boy before. Johnny thought Daniel hadn’t noticed but he always did, had only worked up the courage to ask for the first time tonight. Daniel had always noticed when Johnny had a fresh bruise. Johnny wasn’t practicing martial arts anymore so couldn’t blame that. 

He knew that Johnny’s home life was not the perfect upper middle-class existence that it looked from the outside, that Johnny’s stepfather had a cruel streak. He also knew that was why Johnny spent so much time at Daniel’s place and Daniel had never been invited to Johnny’s. Daniel had seen where Johnny lived, had dropped Johnny off at the bottom of his drive but had never been in the house and had stopped asking for an invite long ago.

Johnny sighed in his sleep and Daniel found himself reaching over and pushing his blond hair off his forehead. Daniel turned the TV off, moved his pillow out flat and laid next to Johnny, closing his eyes.

***************************

Johnny and Daniel were playing a card game. Daniel had his cards up to his face, behind his eyes.

‘Come on, LaRusso. I know you're bluffing. Just show me your cards’ 

Daniel didn’t bring his cards down. ‘Patience, Johnny. I want to enjoy this’ Johnny reached for Daniel’s cards and Daniel pulled away laughing. ‘You are so impatient, Lawrence. You do hate to lose, don’t you’?

Johnny lunged for them again. ‘And you’re a little cheat. Just show me your cards’

Instead Daniel picked up the pile of cards in between them and threw them and his cards in the air. Playing cards floated to the ground, littering the room. ‘Let’s play fifty-two pickup instead!’ he laughed at Johnny.

‘What the hell man! Which cards did you have?’ Johnny started to collect up the cards, looking at each one as he went.

‘Now you will never know if you won’ Daniel looked at Johnny’s stricken face. ‘You should see your face! That’s gonna kill you isn’t, not knowing whether you won or not’ Daniel looked at the genuinely distressed look on Johnny's face and started to laugh harder. He looked up again and lost control, his eyes started to fill with tears as he laughed at Johnny.

‘Yeah, laugh it up fuzzy’ Johnny grumbled. ‘That was so childish’ 

Daniel clutched his sides as he rolled on the floor, rolling onto the cards that littered the room. Johnny started to pick the cards up. Daniel stopped laughing and looked at Johnny’s face.

‘Oh, come on man, I was only kidding’ Daniel said

‘You’re such a child sometimes, you know that’ 

Daniel realised that Johnny was still not laughing. That the boy was genuinely pissed off. 

‘I’m sorry. I was losing, OK. Look, you won’ Daniel said, handing Johnny the cards that were under his butt.

‘Ha! I knew it!’ Johnny laughed. ‘I knew you were losing. I won!’ Johnny started to wave his arms around in celebration.

‘Oh, you are going down, Lawrence’ Daniel lunged at Johnny pulling him to the floor and climbed on top of him. He started to tickle under Johnny’s arms, making the boy laugh.

‘No, I’m sorry. Stop it’ Johnny laughed as he struggled. 

‘Never’ Daniel pinned Johnny down and tickled him. ‘No mercy!’ he cried as he tortured his friend. Johnny was now crying with laughter and struggling against him. 

Johnny wrapped his legs around Daniel's waist and, using a move he hadn’t practiced since he left Cobra Kai, used his body weight to flip Daniel onto his back. Daniel grunted as he landed on his back, Johnny sat on his stomach. Daniel tried to push him away and Johnny grabbed his arms and pinned them under his knees.

Daniel bucked his hips and Johnny fell forward, catching himself in his hands, inches from Daniel’s face. He stopped and looked down at the boy below him, brown eyes wide and looking up at him. Johnny breathed out and looked at Daniel’s lips. Daniel watched him do it and was helpless as Johnny moved forward and kissed Daniel. 

Daniel’s lips were as soft as he had expected them to be, tasting of the Dr Pepper he had drunk earlier. Johnny pulled back and looked down at Daniel, who stared up at him, eyes wide with shock. 

‘Uh, sorry’ Johnny muttered, climbing off Daniel. He ran his hand through his hair. Daniel was still laying on his back as Johnny got to his feet.

‘I had better go’ he said, not looking at Daniel as he found his jacket. 

Johnny was gone before Daniel could collect himself enough to respond. He heard the front door slam shut as Johnny left.

Daniel stayed on the floor looking at the ceiling. He could still feel the boy's lips on him. He surprised himself by how much he wanted Johnny to come back. Daniel got up and looked out of the window as the red sports car drove away.

Johnny drove home. He jumped out of his car, ran through the front door and, taking the stairs two at a time, up to his room. He closed the door behind him and flopped down face first onto the bed. He groaned as he gripped the bed sheet into a fist.

‘So stupid’ he said to himself. Why had he done that? Things were going so well with Daniel and he had to do something to fuck it up. Daniel was never going to want to see him again. 

Johnny rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, digging the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. He thought about those brown eyes staring up at him, wide and confused as Johnny had kissed him. Daniel hadn’t kissed him back. Johnny could have cried. Wished he could take it back. He took his hands away from his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. 

**********************

Johnny didn’t visit Daniel for the rest of the week. Daniel sat by the phone, thinking about calling Johnny; wanted to speak to him. Daniel missed him. 

The weekend came and went, and Daniel had still not heard from Johnny. He finally reached for the phone and dialled Johnny’s number. Johnny answered.

‘Johnny?’ 

Daniel heard Johnny sigh. ‘Oh. Hi Daniel’

‘Hey Johnny. I haven't seen you for a while. Do you want to hang out?’ Daniel asked tentatively. 

‘You sure?’ The surprise and hope in Johnny’s voice made Daniel smile

‘Yeah. I haven’t seen you all week. I could come to yours’

Johnny reached behind his head and scratched his neck, looked around his room. It was a mess.

‘Uh yeah. Sure. When?’ 

Daniel looked at his watch. ‘How about in an hour?’

Johnny smiled. ‘Yeah. See you then’. 

Johnny hung up the phone. He moved into action, started to clear his room. There was dirty laundry on the floor. He started to bundle it up and stuffed it into the hamper. He collected up the empty mugs and glasses from around the room and took them downstairs, put them in the dishwasher.

Why was he nervous? He had spent ages with Daniel; had never been nervous before. Daniel had never seen his house before, had never seen his room but Johnny knew that Daniel wouldn’t judge him.

Johnny went into the bathroom and looked around. He collected a towel from the floor and replaced it with a clean one from his closet, hanging it on the towel rail. 

He looked at himself in the mirror, ran his hands through his hair. He considered taking a shower and decided against it. He changed his t-shirt and put a clean shirt over the top of it. Johnny sat on the bed. He looked at the clock. Six minutes has passed since his call. He sat and waited.

One hour later Johnny heard the frond bell. He leapt up and rushed down the stairs. He wanted to get to the door before anyone else but as he got to the stairs, he watched his stepfather open the front door. Johnny’s heart sank.

‘Who are you?’ Sid asked.

Daniel looked up at the man who towered over him. He had never met Johnny’s stepfather before. The guy was large, imposing. Daniel looked at the man’s hands, twice the size of Daniel’s and thought of the bruises he had seen on Johnny. He knew that those hands had caused them. 

‘Uh. I’m here to see Johnny. You must be Mr Lawrence’ Johnny winced from the stairs. 

The man stared at Daniel and didn't respond. Daniel knew by the man’s face that he had already made a mistake.

‘That’s Mr Weinberg’ The man said through gritted teeth.

‘Oh...uh…. sorry about that. Is Johnny in?’ Daniel asked, smiling at the man’s hostility. 

Sid didn’t respond, turned away from the door and walked back to his office, slamming the door behind him.

Johnny gestured for Daniel to follow him up the stairs. They walked along the corridor to Johnny’s room and Johnny closed the door behind him. 

Johnny turned as Daniel sat on the bed. ‘Sorry about him’ Johnny muttered.

‘It’s OK, Johnny. So that’s your stepdad, huh?’

Johnny ran his hand through his hair. ‘Yeah. He’s a prick. I didn’t want you meet him’

‘It’s OK, Johnny. I’m glad you invited me over’ Daniel got up, started to walk around the room. Looking around. 

Johnny’s room was so much bigger than Daniel’s. He had a large TV on a stand in the corner, VHS player below it. There was a games console on the floor. Daniel would have killed for an Atari and it was just there, casually tossed onto the floor. He walked over to a shelf weighed down with trophies, medals, certificates in frame. There were many for karate but other sports as well. It seemed like Johnny was a natural at any sport he put his mind to. There was a desk covered in schoolbooks, comics, paperwork, notebooks. It didn’t look like much studying ever got done at that desk. 

‘Nice room’ Daniel observed. 

‘Thanks. Sorry it’s such a mess’ 

Daniel looked round at Johnny. He could see that Johnny was nervous and wasn't making eye contact with him. He was looking down; seemed to be fascinated by his nails.

‘Johnny’ Johnny looked up at Daniel. ‘Are you OK?’ 

‘Uh, yeah man. Look, sorry about the other day. I didn’t know what I was doing’ He looked up at Daniel. Daniel was shocked by how sad his eyes looked. ‘I thought you would freak out, wouldn’t want to see me, so I stayed away’

Daniel moved towards him. ‘I wasn’t freaked out. I was just shocked…. I wasn’t expecting that’ 

‘Yeah, well, neither was I. Look if you want to…’ Johnny was cut off as Daniel closed the space between them and kissed him. Johnny didn’t kiss back at first, surprised by Daniel’s actions. Daniel moved his hand up to Johnny’s hair and Johnny started to kiss him back. 

Johnny had never made out with a guy before and it was different than with any of the girls he had been with. All teeth and tongues, neither of them leading but both taking what they wanted. Daniel kissed Johnny like he was looking to devour him, and Johnny kissed him back equally. 

Daniel broke away and stepped back. His chest was rising and falling, his breathing heavy. Johnny looked at him, his breathing also heavy. The passion of it had taken them both by surprise. 

‘Uh…. that was….’ Daniel stuttered. 

‘Yeah’ was all Johnny responded.

‘Have you ever done that with a guy before?’ Daniel asked.

‘No’ Johnny looked at him. ‘You?’

‘No’

The two boys fell silent. 

Johnny spoke first. ‘Daniel. I don’t know what’s going on man. But I really like you’ He paused, hesitated. ‘I mean, I like you, like you. If you know what I mean’ Johnny had never been shy expressing his feelings for someone before. With the girls at school, if he wanted to hit on someone, he would go for it. Strike First. With Daniel it was different. He knew there was so much more on the line. So much more than just simple rejection. Guys were not allowed to confess feelings for other guys. Bad things can happen if it wasn’t reciprocated. 

Daniel smiled. ‘I like you too, Johnny’

Johnny let the breath out he didn’t realise he had been holding. He smiled. ‘That’s good’ Johnny moved and sat on the bed. Daniel sat next to him. Daniel took his hand. Johnny looked down at their hands together. 

‘Can I kiss you again?’ Daniel asked.

Johnny nodded. Daniel put his hand on the side of his face and kissed him, lighter this time, softer. They broke apart, looked at each other, faces close.

‘What now?’ Johnny asked.

Daniel laughed softly. ‘I don’t know. Am I your boyfriend?’ 

Johnny laughed, looked down. ‘You wanna be?’ He looked up at Daniel.

‘You gonna take me to Prom, Lawrence?’ Daniel nudged him in the ribs.

‘You’re an asshole,’ Johnny said.

‘Yeah. But I’m your asshole’ 

Johnny looked at him. ‘Are you?’

‘If you want me to be?’

Johnny kissed him again. ‘I do’

**************************

Things changed quickly between Johnny and Daniel. After that first kiss, they were like any other young couple in the first flurries of their relationship. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. The only difference was that they kept any displays of affection strictly behind closed doors. 

Lucille realised quickly that something other than friendship had blossomed between the boys. She couldn’t help but notice how her son’s face lit up around Johnny. She saw how happy the blond boy made her son. Daniel’s leg was soon as good as new, and she was glad that something good had come after so many months of rivalry and violence. She did have concerns though and decided to broach the subject with her son.

‘Daniel’ she started

‘Yeah Mum’ he said as he shovelled a fork of food into his mouth.

‘You and Johnny’

Daniel stopped, fork halfway to his mouth. ‘What about us?’ he asked with trepidation.

‘I know what is going on, you know. The way you two look at each other. You think I have never seen a couple in love before’ She smiled.

Daniel put his fork down. ‘Uh…. yeah’ He looked at his mother. ‘You’re not upset, are you?’

‘No, honey. He’s a nice boy and I'm happy if you're happy. I just want you guys to be careful. Not everyone is as understanding as me. And you know, I hear terrible stories of young boys getting…. you know…. sick. You will be careful, won’t you’

Daniel winced. He hadn’t wanted to have this conversation with his mother. ‘Mum….’

‘I know. You don’t want to talk with me about this. But just reassure me that you are making good choices. That I don’t have to worry’ She smiled, patted his hand.

‘Yeah, but….’ He stopped, looked at his Mum, took her hand. ‘We’ll be careful, OK. We haven’t…. you know…’

She shook her head. ‘Just….be careful, OK. Both of you’ 

‘We will, Mum’ Daniel smiled. He kept eating.

‘Do you love him?’ she asked.

He stopped. ‘I think I do’ 

Lucille smiled. ‘Then I'm happy for you’ She laughed. ‘Hey, at least I don’t have to worry about anyone getting knocked up’ 

Daniel almost choked on his food. ‘Mum!’

‘What?! I’m just saying, I’m too young to be a grandmother.’ She kissed him on the head, took her plate to the kitchen.

*************************

Johnny and Daniel were laid out on Daniel’s bed, holding hands, talking about their future.

‘I was thinking we would apply for the same college. Somewhere we can be together, you know. Where no one knows us’, Daniel was saying.

Johnny rolled over and sat up. ‘Daniel, I am planning on going away. Like far away’ He hesitated. ‘I was thinking New York’ He looked at Daniel, waiting for his response.

‘Really. That is far’

Johnny signed. ‘I want to go away. Get away from everything. Make a fresh start somewhere else’

Daniel sat up. ‘What about your family?'

Johnny snorted. ‘They don’t care. Sid would love to get me out of the house’

‘And your Mum. Would she care?’ 

Johnny stood up. ‘She made her decision. I can’t be near them anymore. I want to get away from everything’ He crouched down in front of Daniel, took his hands. ‘Will you come with me?’

Daniel looked at him, into those familiar blue eyes. He hesitated. Could he leave? Leave his mother? Everything he had made for himself. Move away with Johnny. He knew New York, had connections, and family there. It wouldn’t be that much of an upheaval. It might almost be like going home.

He made his decision then and there. ‘Yeah Johnny. I’ll come with you’

Johnny’s face lit up with a smile. ‘You will?’

‘Yeah. Why not’ he laughed.

Johnny wrapped his arms around Daniel. ‘That’s amazing. I love you’

Daniel stopped, moved back. ‘You just said you love me’

Johnny looked into his eyes. ‘I do, Daniel. I love you. You make me feel…. shit…. I don’t know how to describe it. You make me…. happy’

Daniel smiled. ‘I love you too, Johnny’

They kissed.

Johnny pulled back. 'I want you to have this. My mother gave it to me years ago and I want you to have it' He unclasped the crucifix necklace he always wore. 

'Oh Johnny. No, it's yours. I can't take it' Daniel protested. 

'Daniel, please. I want you to wear it' Johnny put it round Daniel's neck. He stood back. 'It looks good on you'

Daniel smiled. He reached up and touched the cool metal in his fingers.

***************************

They lay on Daniel’s bed. Johnny kissed Daniel, running his hands up the boy's chest. Johnny broke away to pull his t-shirt over his head. Daniel ran his hands up the boy’s back, feeling his soft, firm skin. Johnny moved down and kissed Daniel’s neck. Daniel gasped as Johnny moved his hands down to the waistband of Daniel pants. 

‘Johnny’ he gasped.

Johnny stopped. ‘Are you OK?’ he looked worried, backing off.

‘No, I’m good. I just wanted to say, I love you’

Johnny smiled. ‘I love you too’. He kissed Daniel again. Johnny took the hem of Daniel’s t-shirt and pulled it over Daniel’s head. 

The boys continued to kiss and touch each other. Daniel started to kiss Johnny’s shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked down Johnny’s back. He stopped.

‘Johnny?’

‘Oh, what now?’ Johnny sat back with mock annoyance. ‘You are driving me wild’

‘What’s that on your back?’ Daniel asked.

‘It’s nothing’ he went back to kiss Daniel’s neck.

‘No Johnny. What happened?’ he put his hands on Johnny and moved him, looking at his back. There was a bruise, large, yellowing. It had obviously been there a while and had been bad when fresh.

‘Nothing, OK. Just drop it’ Johnny said, moving away.

‘I’m not gonna drop it. Did he do that?’ Daniel asked with anger.

‘It’s nothing. We argued, Sid pushed me. I must have fallen into something. Please just drop it’ Johnny pleaded.

‘He can’t keep getting away with it, Johnny’ Daniel said sadly.

‘It doesn't matter. I’ll be gone soon. A few more months and we will be on the other side of the country’ Johnny smiled. ‘Just think Daniel, a few months from now. You and I will be in New York. And soon it will be Christmas again. We can go skating in Central Park. I've always wanted to skate in Central Park. I bet it is so romantic.’

Daniel laughed. Johnny looked so happy. ‘New York gets cold in Winter, Johnny. You’re sure you are ready for it? You’re not exactly used to it’ 

He smiled. ‘I’ll wrap up. Plus, I’ll have you to keep me warm’ 

Daniel kissed him and they fell back on the bed. Johnny started to move his hand down, put his hand inside Daniel's underwear. Johnny took hold of him. Daniel closed his eyes and moaned as Johnny started to move his hand. 

‘You like that’ Johnny murmured.

‘Hm Mm’ Daniel murmured in confirmation. 

Johnny kissed him as he started to stroke faster. Daniel’s breath started to speed up in time with Johnny’s hand. He wasn’t going to last long. He cried out as he came into Johnny’s hand. Johnny continued to stroke him through his orgasm. 

‘Oh god, Johnny’ Daniel gasped.

Johnny’s breathing was heavy, his eyes wide as he looked into Daniel’s. ‘Was that OK?’ he asked.

‘That was amazing. Have you ever done that before?’ Daniel asked.

‘Only on myself’ Johnny smiled, wiping his hands on the bed sheet.

‘Ew, Johnny. Not on my bed’ 

Johnny moved his hand to Daniel’s face. ‘You wanna lick it off’

‘Oh no, Johnny. Gross! Get that away from me’

Johnny laughed as he wiped his hand on an old t-shirt of Daniel’s.

'You really know how to kill a mood, Lawrence!'

**************************

Daniel and Johnny were becoming bolder with each other, learning what each other liked. Daniel liked to be touched lighter, Johnny liked it firmer. They could spend hours with each other but had never gone all the way, still hesitant, neither really knowing what they were doing.

Johnny started making plans for their move. He hadn’t told his mother or stepfather, didn’t see the point. He didn’t care what they thought of his plans so why discuss it. It would only end in an argument.

Daniel would smile as Johnny showed him parts of New York that they could afford, close to the school they wanted to attend. Johnny planned to study sport science and physiotherapy and Daniel to study history. Johnny had never been to New York and insisted they lived in Manhattan. Daniel knew the city and worried they couldn’t afford it, suggested some of the other boroughs. Neither of them really cared as long as they could be together.

They still stuck to Daniel’s place but sneaked into Johnny’s room when they could. He had a bigger bed and his parents were rarely at home. 

Spring wore on and the boy's exams got closer. Johnny and Daniel agreed that they should spend a little more time apart, give each other the space to study. Instead they would sit on the phone into the evening, catching each other up on their days.

Daniel had told his mother about their plan to leave for New York and although she was going to be sad to see them go, she understood. Lucille knew that Daniel’s choice in partner would be a shock to her family and had suggested that she speak to them before Daniel attempted to introduce them. She had put him in touch with a friend of her brothers who lived with his boyfriend on the Upper East Side and had agreed to give them a place to stay until they could find a home of their own.

*******************************

Lucille was out and Daniel and Johnny sat on the floor of Daniel’s apartment listening to music, bickering over what to listen to. Johnny had just come from the store with the brand new Ratt album, Invasion of Your Privacy, which Daniel hated.

‘How can you hate this? It’s fucking awesome’ Johnny argued.

‘It’s so cheesy. They are like a poor man’s Motley Crue’

Johnny clutched the record to his chest in mock outrage. ‘What a thing to say?’ 

‘You listen to that shit on your own time, Lawrence. When you’re in my house we listen to my choice’

’Fine’ Johnny sulked, putting the record back in his bag. ‘Hey, can I borrow this?’ He picked up Daniel’s cassette of Van Halen’s 1984?’

‘What happened to yours?’ 

‘Tape deck chewed it up’ Johnny said, putting the tape in his Walkman.

Daniel laughed. ‘Looks like you are helping yourself’

Johnny smiled sweetly, fluttered his eye lashes at Daniel, blew him a kiss.

Daniel got up, heading into the kitchen. ‘Mum left some food for us. You wanna heat it up’

Johnny followed. He jumped up and sat on the kitchen counter as Daniel cooked.

‘You are so fucking uncivilised, Lawrence’ Daniel said as he nudged Johnny’s legs out of the way. 

‘You love it’ Johnny wrapped his legs around Daniel. Daniel struggled, untangled himself.

‘Just let me cook. Get out of the way’

Johnny reached over and turned the radio on. It was tuned to Lucille’s favourite radio station. Tina Turner’s What Love Got to Do was playing. Johnny jumped down and started dancing, grinding his hips against Daniel as he stood at the stove.

‘Jesus, you are so annoying’ Daniel exclaimed. 

‘Come on, LaRusso. Dance with me’ Johnny put his hands on Daniel’s hips. 

‘But the food will burn’

‘I don’t care about the food’ Johnny started to wrap his arms around Daniel, moving to the music. 

Daniel turned the stove off and started to dance with Johnny. The song changed and Foreigner’s I Wanna Know What Love Is came on. Johnny pulled Daniel closer. They started to sway to the music.

‘Are we really doing this?’ Daniel asked, laughing.

‘If you’re taking me to Prom you gotta learn to dance, LaRusso’

Daniel stopped moving and looked at him. ‘What makes you think I’m taking you to Prom. I might have another date lined up’

‘Shut up’ Johnny kissed him. Daniel kissed him back. Johnny pulled away. ‘Oh I love this part’ Johnny started to sing loudly. ‘I wanna know what love is! I want you to show me!’

Daniel laughed, moved back to the stove. ‘You sing like the cats in the alley out back’ 

*******************************

The day was hot and Daniel and Johnny were cramped on Daniel's small bed. They had a fan going but it didn’t seem to penetrate the hot air, just felt like it was blowing the hot air around. Johnny was in his jeans, had thrown his t-shirt to the floor, soaked with sweat. Daniel had stripped down to his underwear. 

‘I can’t bear this heat. You said New York was cooler, right? That sounds amazing right now’ Johnny put his forearm over his head, closed his eyes.

Daniel turned around and kissed Johnny on the cheek, threw an arm over his chest. ‘You’re so hot, Lawrence’ he joked.

‘Ew, don’t touch me. I am too hot for you to touch me’ Johnny complained, pushing Daniel’s arm away from him.

‘Johnny, you have a home with a pool. Can we go there?’ Daniel asked. He knew that Johnny didn’t like going to his house, didn’t want to run into his stepfather, but Johnny agreed the pool was tempting. Johnny’s house also had air conditioning.

‘OK. Let me just call home. See if anyone is in’ He rolled off the bed and pulled his t-shirt on. He left the room and walked over to Daniel’s phone. He dialled and listened to it ring. Nothing.

‘Looks like they are out. Let’s head over there’ 

Daniel jumped up. ‘Yes!’ He grabbed his clothes. ‘I cannot wait to get in that pool’ He opened a drawer, dug through, and pulled out a pair of swim shorts. He practically skipped out of the room. Johnny walked behind him, laughing at how childlike Daniel was when he was excited.

‘Mum! We’re heading over to Johnny’s’ Daniel called. 

‘Have fun boys. Johnny, are you going to come back for dinner. I have a great new pasta sauce recipe I was to show you’

‘Sure, Mrs LaRusso. That sounds great’

Daniel kissed his mother on the cheek before he left. Johnny kissed her on the other cheek, making Lucille laugh.

‘Get out, both of you’

They ran outside, jumped into Johnny’s Avanti, and headed to Encino. 

Johnny pulled onto the driveway. The cars were all gone. ‘Looks like we are all alone’.

They both headed straight through the kitchen to the doors to the patio, changing in the pool house Daniel ran at the pool and threw himself into the water. He disappeared to the bottom and resurfaced.

‘Oh my god. How do you live here? This is amazing’ Daniel cried as he swam to the edge. The water felt amazing, the temperature perfect for the weather.

‘Don’t get used to it, LaRusso. As soon as we get away, there's not going to be any more big houses and swimming pools. None of that comes with me’ Johnny said

‘What?! What the hell am I even with you for? I expected to be a kept man!’ Daniel laughed and swam away as Johnny kicked water at him from the edge of the pool. 

Johnny walked round to the diving board and executed a perfect dive into the water. 

‘Show off’ Daniel snorted.

They swam until their hands started to prune and climbed out. The house was still quiet as they climbed the stairs to Johnny’s room.

‘I’m going to jump in the shower, get the chlorine out of my hair’ Daniel said, grabbing a towel.

‘Sure’ Johnny laid on the bed. He jumped up. ‘In fact, I’ll join you’.

As Johnny and Daniel giggled and made out in the shower, they didn’t hear a car pull up in the driveway.

Once clean and dry Daniel and Johnny sat on Johnny’s bed. Daniel pulled his clothes back on and Johnny reached for his clothes.

‘No. Leave them off’ Daniel teased as he kissed Johnny. Daniel laid down on top of Johnny, reached his hand under the towel. Johnny closed his eyes as Daniel stroked him and kissed his neck.

‘What the fuck is this?!’ They heard a voice behind them.

Daniel stopped, looked at Johnny. Johnny’s blue eyes were wide with fear. Johnny turned his head and looking at them was Sid. His face was red, twisted with rage. 

Daniel jumped away from Johnny, who moved back against the headboard of his bed.

‘I said, what the fuck it this!’ Sid moved towards them. ‘This is what you are doing in my house! You fucking perverts’ he spat at them. 

Daniel stood up. ‘Just hold on, man….’ he protested, not finishing his sentence before Sid punched him in the jaw.

‘No!’ Johnny cried as Sid grabbed Daniel by the arms and started to drag him towards the door. Johnny was pulling his jeans on as he chased after them. Sid was dragging Daniel down the stairs. Daniel was dizzy and his mouth was bleeding. 

‘Get the fuck out of my house, you fucking fag!’

Johnny ran after them ‘Get off him, please. Sid, please’ he pleaded. 

Daniel stumbled on the stairs and Sid continued to drag him. Daniel was trying to break free but was no match for Sid, who was so much bigger. Sid pulled him to the front door, opened the door with one hand as he held onto Daniel’s arm with the other. His grip was like a vice, his nails digging into Daniel’s arm.

He threw Daniel out of the door, onto the stone floor. Daniel hit the floor hard, the wind knocked out of him. He jumped to his feet but the door slammed on him. Daniel started to bang his fists on the wood. 

Sid turned to his stepson, who stood at the bottom of the stairs. Johnny tried to back away but Sid quickly took hold of him. He pushed Johnny to the wall, wrenching his arm behind his back, twisting it sharply. Johnny cried out in pain.

‘You bring that pervert into my house, you fucking degenerate’ he hissed at him. Johnny had been on the receiving end of Sid’s anger many times, but he had never seen him this angry before. Sid was out of control. Johnny tried to move away but Sid started to drag him up the stairs. He twisted Johnny’s arm further, ripping at his shoulder. Johnny cried out in agony as they moved up the stairs. He stopped struggling, terrified that Sid was going to break his arm if he fought him. Johnny had tears in his eyes as the tendons in his shoulder stretched painfully, his shoulder pulling out of its socket. He let Sid lead him back to his room.

Sid pushed him through the door, threw him to the floor. Sid was over him, throwing his fists down. Johnny curled up, covered his head as the blows rained down on him. Sid stepped away from him, breathing heavily.

‘I knew there was something wrong with you, boy, but I didn’t take even you for a fucking fag!’

Sid stepped back, looked around. He turned towards Johnny's desk, put his hands on it and upended it onto the floor. Johnny flinched as the desk fell on its side, paper flying everywhere. Sid turned to the shelf of trophies, swept them onto the floor. They littered the room, glass frames smashing. Johnny put his hands over his heads, protecting himself as they fell about him. Sid picked up a trophy, a wooden shield with a heavy metal base and threw it at the TV, the screen shattering, glass flying everywhere.

He turned back to Johnny, who looked up at him. ‘You’ll stay here until I decide what to do with you’ he looked around Johnny’s ruined room. ‘And clear this shit up’

Sid slammed the door behind him. Johnny heard the door lock from the outside. He looked at the destruction around him, slowly climbed up onto his bed and put his hands around his head. He started to cry.

Daniel was on the front step, banging on the door. He could hear shouting coming from inside and was scared for Johnny. Suddenly the door opened, and Sid stood there.

‘Get the fuck off my property’ he said. 

‘Where’s Johnny?’ he demanded.

‘You’re not going to see that boy again. Now get off my property before I call the police, have you arrested for trespassing.’ Sid's breathing was heavy, but his voice was calm.

‘Is Johnny OK?’

Sid turned, closed the door. ‘Go home’ Daniel heard him shout. Daniel turned and hurried away.

A while later Lucille looked up as Daniel ran into the house. He was gasping, as if he had run the whole way. He collapsed on the floor, started to cry.

‘Daniel, honey. What happened? Where’s Johnny?’ she ran to her son. 

Daniel looked up and she saw the blood on his face, his cut lip. ‘Oh my god, what happened?!’

Daniel tried to speak between sobs. ‘Johnny’s stepfather, he caught us together. He went crazy. I need to call Johnny. I need to check he's OK' 

Daniel moved past his mother, grabbed the phone. He dialled Johnny’s number. It didn’t connect. Daniel ran his hands through his head, paced the room.

Lucille moved in front of him, took his face in his hands. Daniel sobbed, tried to swallow down the lump in his throat.

'Oh Mum, it was awful. I'm scared for Johnny. His stepdad…. I’ve seen what he can do. He'll hurt him; I know it'

He started to cry, and Lucille held him.

********************

Johnny sat on the floor of the room. He had collected as much of the broken glass as possible, righted his desk, picked up his broken trophies. When he was younger this had been one of Sid’s favourite punishments, to destroy Johnny's belongings. Johnny had lost count of the number of things that had been bought for him, just to be destroyed later over some small infraction. He remembered being a small child again, remembered being made to throw his broken toys in the trash after suffering Sid's rage.

No one had been to see him. One day turned into two. He had tried the door over and over, hoping that next time it would open, that it was all a mistake and he wasn't locked in. By the third day his hunger was starting to make him feel sick. He found some small snacks around his room, a discarded couple of twizzlers in the trash, a crushed half bag of chips in a school bag but nothing else. 

Johnny had opened his window and looked down. His window opened onto the patio, a sharp five meter drop to hard stone below. He couldn't jump. Johnny had looked around, considered the glass roof of the conservatory to his left. He could jump but it was too risky. If he missed or landed badly, he was going to seriously hurt himself or worse. Johnny sighed. He wasn't getting out this way.

Johnny was sitting on his bed when he finally heard the lock on his door turning. He looked up as his mother came in.

'Come down for dinner' She turned and walked out, not looking at him. 

Johnny got up and followed her. She didn't say anything else to him as he followed her down the stairs. His hands were shaking, he felt like he was walking the final mile.

He stepped into the dining room. His mother sat down; Sid was at his usual place at the head of the table. Sid watched Johnny as he made his way round the table and sat down.

Johnny looked down at the food on the plate. He was so hungry but suddenly he felt too sick to eat. He looked up at his mother, who's eyes were on her hands in her lap.

'Mum, I'm sorry. I should have told you' he said.

'Don't you speak to her' Sid said. Johnny winced. He looked round at Sid. Sid threw something at him. A pamphlet.

'What's this?' He picked it up.

'This is where you are going, boy. They are going to straighten you out, do whatever needs to be done to get that filth out of your head' 

Johnny looked at the front page. Fairford House. A picture of a large stone building, the pamphlet spoke about therapy, helping young people to understand their disorder, help cure them, help them to reduce homosexual tendencies, to explore a heterosexual lifestyle.

'You're sending me here? But, what about college?' He looked at his mother. 'Mum. I was gonna go to college'

'You'll go where I tell you' Sid barked. 'They'll knock some sense into you'

'But I was going to New York with Daniel'

Johnny jumped as Sid slammed his fist on the table, pointed his fork at Johnny. 'Don't you say that fag's name in this house'

'Stop calling him that. I love him. Mum look at me. I want to be with him'

Johnny's mother started to cry softly, not looking up. 

'You ungrateful shit' Sid sneered. 'Everything we've done for you and this is how you repay us. By messing around with that...boy. You'll go, or I swear to god, I'll lock you in your room and leave you to starve'

Johnny looked down at the pamphlet. 'Wh... when am I going?'

'You're leaving tomorrow. I've arranged it. Six weeks. If they can sort you out by then, we can talk about college. But you are not to see that boy again, you hear me'

Johnny just nodded, knew that arguing was pointless. He put the pamphlet aside, started to pick at his food. 

After dinner Johnny helped his mother clear away. As soon as Sid left the room, he spoke to her, tried to plead with her.

'Mum, please. You can't send me to that place' She turned and started to walk away. He grabbed her arm. 'Please look at me. Please don't make me go'

She turned and stared at him. 'You'll do what he says'

'Why, Mum? Why do you let him bully us?'

'He's been good to us. Given us a good life'

Johnny laughed bitterly. 'Some life. I didn't want any of this...stuff. It's all just things, Mum. We didn't need any of it'

'You don't remember what it was like before him. We had nothing'

'I was happy back then' Johnny looked at her angrily. 'Just because you were happy to prostitute yourself to that man, it doesn't mean I was'

His mother's blue eyes flashed with anger as she slapped him. Johnny's hand flew to his face, the cheek warm, his eyes wide with shock. His mother had never hit him before.

'Go to your room. You're leaving tomorrow. I don't want to see you' She said, her voice cold.

Johnny turned and fled, running up the stairs, his vision blurred with tears. He slammed his door behind him.

Johnny picked up the phone on his desk, started to dial Daniel's number. There was no dial tone, the line had been disconnected. Johnny replaced the receiver. 

A little while later Johnny heard soft footsteps outside his room. 

'Mum?'

The key in the lock turned, locking him in. He heard his mother's voice. 'Go to bed, Johnny'

************************

Johnny hardly slept so when he heard his door open at 7.30 the next morning he was already dressed, rucksack sitting at his feet.

His stepfather looked down at him. 'Come on. We're leaving in thirty minutes' He turned and left. Johnny got up and followed.

Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw breakfast on the table. His stomach did somersaults, but his body needed food. He started to eat; his stepfather sat opposite him. His mother was nowhere to be seen.

'Uh...so where is this place?' Johnny asked.

'San Jose. We have a long drive' Sid responded, not looking at him.

Johnny nodded, went back to his breakfast.

Thirty minutes later they were in the car, Sid behind the wheel. Johnny sat, staring out the window, his rucksack at his feet. It was a five hour drive and they expected to get there after lunch. Johnny didn’t know how he would get through five hours in such close proximity to Sid and decided that he wouldn't speak unless Sid did.

Johnny watched as the city went by. He put his hand on the door handle. He felt the urge to jump out. They stopped at traffic lights. Could he do it? The lights changed and the car moved. He breathed and looked out the window as they pulled onto the freeway.

The hours went by and they didn't speak to each other. Sid had the radio turned to talk radio, politics, and would grumble to himself about what he heard. The angry chatter coming from the speakers was giving Johnny a headache, but he didn’t say anything. He closed his eyes, tried to block out the sound.

Johnny looked up as they started to see signs for San Jose. They drove through the city and they started to enter the surrounding country. They drove for a few miles along a wide quiet road, trees on either side. Sid turned left and up to a set of large gates surrounded by a stone wall. The gates opened and they drove up a long, gravel driveway. The car stopped in front of some stone steps. There was a man in a suit standing at the top.

Johnny looked out of the window. Sid turned to him. ‘Out’. 

Johnny hesitated, looked at the building. He sighed and opened the door. Sid got out. Johnny walked up the steps, Sid behind him. 

The man in the suit stepped forward, extended his hand. ‘Johnny?’ 

‘Uh… yeah’ Johnny muttered, shaking the man’s hand.

‘I’m Dr Reed. Welcome to Fairford House. I’ll be your therapist while your here’

‘I don’t need a therapist’ Johnny muttered bitterly. 

The man smiled kindly. ‘I hope not, but let me be the judge of that, huh’

Johnny shrugged. 

‘I’m sorry, we don’t allow residents to bring personal belongings’ the doctor said, nodding towards Johnny rucksack. ‘We like to think that people leave the person they were at the door, including any possessions’ He smiled.

Johnny pulled his bag off his shoulder, passed it to Sid.

‘Mr Weinberg, we’ll take it from here. Johnny is in good hands’

‘Thanks Doc’ Sid left, not speaking to Johnny as he left, not saying goodbye. 

Johnny watched the car turn on the gravel and drive away. He turned to the doctor.

‘Come with me, Johnny. I’ll show you around, let you get settled’ The man turned. 

Johnny took a deep breath and followed. The doctor led him through large wooden front doors, into a long reception room with a red and white stone floor. He was led down a wide corridor. 

‘Down this corridor are the therapy rooms and my office. At the end is the dining room where you’ll eat with the other boys. We like to keep everyone separate most of the time but feel it is important for you to get to know others here. We also have sports teams you can join. Soccer, football, basketball, whatever you want to get involved with. We feel that friendly competition is healthy, part of your recovery’

They turned a corner, the doctor leading him up some stone back stairs. 

‘Up here are the rooms. You’ll have a room to yourself; bathrooms are down the hall. We have a strict lights out policy at 10pm. We don’t lock people in, but anyone found out of their room after that time will be punished’

He carried on talking as he walked. ‘We don’t allow personal belongings, nothing will be delivered to you, nothing to be sent out. No contact with the outside, we don’t want anything that can derail your progress. No horseplay, no running inside the house, you’ll attend appointments and meals promptly. If you miss a session with me or anyone else, you’ll be punished. Any questions?

‘No’ Johnny muttered.

They stopped outside a door. ‘This will be your room. You are expected to keep it tidy, make your bed. There will be inspections. Understood’ 

Johnny looked at the door, nodded. ’I understand’ he said quietly.

The man nodded and Johnny opened the door and stepped in. He looked at the small room, single bed, a desk, and a closet. 

‘There are clothes in the closet, bed sheets. If you need anything let me know. Bathrooms are down the hall where there is soap and toiletries for you. You don’t bring anything from the bathrooms back to your room. No food from the dining room’ 

The man looked around. ‘OK, I will leave you to it. It’s 2pm now. I want to get started right away so our first session will be at 2.30, room 25, downstairs. Dinner will be at 8pm promptly. You go down the back stairs, you do not use the main staircase, you understand’

Johnny nodded. The doctor left, closing the door behind him. He turned and looked around the room. Johnny looked out of the window over the desk, down at a soccer field below him. It was empty. He opened the wardrobe and there were shelves of grey sweatpants and t-shirts, some sweaters. There was a drawer full of underwear and socks. 

Johnny sat on the bed. He felt like he was in a nightmare, in the small room by himself; surrounded by grey walls. He didn’t know what to expect of the next six weeks, his stomach cramping with anxiety. 

He wondered how many boys had sat in this room before him, sent away from their families, treated like they were sick, something to be cured. 

Johnny thought about Daniel, about the months that they spent together. They had been so close to getting away. Johnny had not even been able to call him before he left. Daniel would have no way of knowing what has happened to him. 

Johnny knew that Daniel would never have let anyone send him away, that he would have fought harder than Johnny had. Daniel had always been stronger than Johnny, Johnny had seen that last year when they had fought in the tournament. A lifetime ago.

Johnny looked at the digital alarm clock on the desk. The clock read 14:25. He sighed and got up. Johnny headed down the corridor, found the stairs and started towards the office. The house was silent around him. It felt like he was here alone but knew that somewhere in the building there were others, probably just as scared as he was.

***************************

It was 7pm when Johnny headed back to his room. He sat on his bed, put his head in his hands. 

His first session had been a gruelling 4 hours where every aspect of his life had been dissected and analysed. He had answered endless questions about his childhood, teenage years, girlfriends, his relationship with Daniel. It had been intense. The doctor had referred to his ‘illness’, trying to find what had gone wrong in his life to drive him towards Daniel. He had been told that they were looking for ‘trauma’, that something must have happened to lead him down the wrong path. It had been suggested that he didn’t love Daniel, that his feelings came from self-hatred, that he was sabotaging his own life on purpose. That he hated his family and was punishing them.

Johnny felt sick. The thought of enduring this for six weeks made his knees feel weak. He didn’t know how he would get through it. 

He couldn’t believe any of it. His time with Daniel had felt so right, the doctor must be wrong. How could something that felt so natural be an illness. 

Johnny ran his hands through his head, took a deep breath. He would endure it, for Daniel. As soon as he got out Johnny could find Daniel, be with him. He had to stick it out. 

Johnny knew he would be expected at dinner at 8pm. He didn’t know how he could eat but knew he would be expected to. He wanted to wash the day off first. Johnny took some clothes from the wardrobe and headed down the corridor to the bathroom.

He stepped into the bathrooms. They were simple, toilet stalls down one wall, sinks and group showers at the back. There would be no privacy here. A part of Johnny thought it was funny that a place dedicated to stopping same sex attraction would allow them all to shower naked together, but he couldn’t find it in himself to laugh. 

At 8pm on the dot, Johnny walked into the dining room. It was a large cafeteria with three long tables. He looked around. The room was filled with the low murmur of voices as thirty pairs of eyes looked up at him in the doorway. All boys, teenagers of different ages, all dressed in the same outfit as Johnny. Grey sweatpants, dark blue sweaters. Johnny could see he was one of the oldest in the room, only a few looking like they were of similar age. 

He moved around the room, feeling the boys watching him. Johnny took a tray and went to collect some food. Once his tray was full, he headed towards the tables. He didn’t care who he sat with, had no interest in speaking to anyone. He kept his eyes lowered, sat down. He looked up and the boy opposite gave him a small smile. Johnny didn’t respond, looked back down at his tray. 

Johnny ate his food, forcing it down. It tasted like sawdust. He just wanted to get some food in him and leave. He swallowed his food as quickly as possible, started to get up. Johnny felt an arm on his hand. He looked down at the boy who was holding him.

‘No’ the boy muttered. He nodded to the front of the room where Dr Reed stood, watching the room. ‘He’ll tell us when we can leave’ he said quietly.

Johnny nodded, sat back down. ‘Thanks’ he muttered.

‘No problem. I’m Ben’ the boy said.

‘Johnny’ he replied. Johnny fixed his eyes back on his tray. He ignored everyone around him. An hour later the man spoke. ‘OK, back to your rooms. Lights out in an hour’

Johnny jumped up and headed towards the door, pushing past the crowd of smaller boys. He just wanted to be alone.

**************************

The next morning there was a knock on Johnny’s door. The doctor let himself in. Johnny was sitting on his bed. 

‘Good morning, Johnny. How did you sleep?’ Dr Reed asked, smiling.

‘OK’ Johnny said.

‘Good. I hope everyone is making you feel welcome. I wanted to give you your schedule for the next few days. You’ll spend most of it with me, so I can understand you. Then we start on the appropriate treatment for you’

‘Treatment? What kind?’ Johnny said. The word treatment made his stomach drop. It conjured images of old-fashioned crazy houses, the kind he saw in old movies, doctors experimenting on helpless patients. It terrified him. 

‘That depends on my diagnosis. We use a number of therapies here. Which one you respond to can be trial and error’ he said, smiling kindly.

‘Will...will they hurt?’ Johnny asked quietly.

The man laughed. ‘Don’t worry. We won’t do anything to you that hasn’t worked on many boys before’ He patted Johnny on the shoulder and left the room.

Johnny noticed that the man hadn’t answered his question. 

**************************

The next two days were much like the first. Johnny spent hours with the doctor, going over and over pieces of his life. Johnny would say something and the doctor would dissect it, analyse it, make Johnny repeat it, pick apart inconsistencies, question Johnny’s feelings, beliefs. Johnny felt like they were trying to chip away at him, like they were trying to find all his weaknesses and his uncertainties and heighten them. He wondered if this was what it was like to be brainwashed. It terrified him that their methods may work, that he would leave a different person than he arrived, that he wouldn’t recognise himself.

The one emotion that Johnny recognised, that he could understand, was his anger. He was angry at his mother and his stepfather. It was their fault that he was here. Sid had always been cruel but he would never forgive his mother. As soon as they let him out he swore he would never see them again. 

But Johnny also knew to keep his anger to himself. In three short days Johnny had realised that any emotion would be used against him; to try and prove that there was something wrong with him. 

He saw himself in the faces of the boys at mealtime. He saw the sadness and anxiety. Most didn’t attempt to talk to each other, choosing instead to stare down at their meals.

In his personal time Johnny decided to take advantage of the grounds. He didn’t have any interest in taking part in sports, but he did go out onto the fields to run. He ran and ran, enjoying the physical exertion. 

He would run until he couldn’t breathe, until all he could feel was the ache in his legs. He would stop every now and then to do push ups, on his knuckles like he used to, pull ups on anything he could reach, burning his arms out until he could only lay on the grass, looking at the sky.

Four days in and Johnny was due another ‘therapy’ session. He didn’t consider this real therapy. These were brainwashing sessions, nothing more. Johnny was determined to get through them, steel himself against them. As long as he said what they wanted he could get out of here.

Johnny entered his doctor’s office and noticed there was a second person in the room, a woman. She smiled at him as he entered.

‘Johnny, I want to introduce Miss Morrison. She is going to observe today. I want to try something different with you today, gauge your responses. Is that OK’

Johnny knew he didn't have a choice, knew that even to be asked was just to give the illusion of choice that didn’t exist. ‘Sure’ he shrugged. He sat on the sofa.

There was a TV in the room. Dr Reed got up and turned it on. ‘I want you to watch the screen and we can discuss your thoughts on what you see’

The screen came to life and Johnny looked at two men kissing. The two men started to undress, touching each other. Johnny looked with confusion at the doctor.

‘Just watch the screen, Johnny’

The actions of the men on screen became more intimate, more urgent. Johnny continued to watch, and the two men started to have sex. It was graphic. Johnny looked at the doctor again in shock. 

‘Johnny, stop looking at me. Watch the screen’ the doctor said again.

Johnny stared at the screen, feeling numb to what he was seeing. Did they expect him to get aroused? Fat chance of feeling anything with these two weirdos watching him. Johnny had never thought to seek out this kind of material. It made him uncomfortable to watch. 

The scene changed, the acts on screen becoming progressively more extreme, more graphic. 

The scene changed again. The next one was horrific. It was violent. Johnny was watching a man being raped. He turned away, couldn’t bear to watch anymore. The sounds coming from the TV made him cover his ears. It was awful.

‘Johnny, watch the screen’ the doctor said sharply.

‘No!’ Johnny jumped up. ‘You’re all sick’

‘Johnny. Sit down’ the doctor said sharply. The woman next to him took notes. The sounds were still coming from the TV.

Johnny sat on the edge of the sofa, looking at his hands. The images on the screen continued. Johnny refused to look at it but could hear it. The doctor eventually turned the TV off. Johnny’s hands were shaking. 

‘Why would you show me that?’ he asked

‘Tell me your thoughts?’

Johnny laughed. ‘My thoughts? You’re sick, that’s my thoughts’ He was angry and couldn’t hide it anymore. ‘You’re all fucking sick. You are the one obsessed, not me, man. You’re the one who owns that fucking video’

The doctor watched him; didn’t say anything. Johnny started to pace with his arm wrapped around himself.

‘Why the fuck am I even here?’ he said to the doctor. ‘I just want to go home’

‘You want to get better don’t you. Become a better person?’ the doctor asked.

‘There's nothing wrong with me! No! I’m done. Just let me go back to my room. I’m done talking for today’.

‘OK Johnny. That’s fine. You can leave. Head on back to your room and we’ll speak later’

Johnny looked at him and hurried towards the door. He got out into the corridor and started running. He ran back into his room, slamming the door shut and threw himself onto the bed. He thought he could get through it, but this place was torture. He thought of six weeks and felt his throat close with anxiety. He wasn’t even a week in, and he didn’t know if he could take anymore.

A little while later the door opened behind him. He turned. Dr Reed stepped into the room.

‘Johnny, are you OK?’ he asked

‘No. I just want to go home’ Johnny said

The man put his hand on Johnny’s shoulder. ‘I understand. It can be hard. We have lots of work to do, but I promise you it will get better, get easier’ 

Johnny nodded. He didn’t want to talk anymore, just wanted the man to leave.

‘We’ll see you tomorrow for our session, OK. Now get ready for lunch and afterwards you can take some time to yourself. I think tomorrow we are ready to start your real treatment. You want that don’t you?’

Johnny looked at him. His brain screamed at him to say no, to shout it from the top of his lungs but he knew it was pointless. ‘I suppose’. He knew what the man wanted to hear.

‘Good boy’ The man left him alone.

****************************

Johnny sat back on the sofa. He was enduring another session of being told all the things that were wrong with him. Dr Reed had told him that yesterday’s reaction to the video proved his theory that Johnny had anger issues. 

‘Have you ever thought that your lifestyle choices can be attributed back to your anger issues? Your need to punish your parents? You knew it would hurt them’.

‘The boy you chose, from the other side of the tracks. Perhaps you had romantic notions, it satisfied some need to create a dramatic story for yourself. Star crossed lovers from across the social divide’

‘You have heard the stories of what happened to men who act as you did. They die. Aids is going around and boys like the one you choose to associate with are the ones spreading it. What would you call that other than self-harm?’

Johnny had heard them all, they were swimming around his head. He had confessed his anxiety to his doctor, given him something. Something to work on, other than Johnny’s relationship with Daniel, hoping the doctor would back off.

Instead he had a new ‘treatment’ in his diary. Dr Reed took him downstairs, through the ground floor and down some stairs to the basement. The doctor talked as they walked. Johnny was told that they would work on his anxiety first, then his anger problems. They had a treatment that they had some success with. 

Johnny was torn between just getting through the six weeks so he could move on with his life, put this whole experience behind him, and fight them tooth and nail at every point. He thought of Daniel. Daniel always told Johnny that he lacked patience. Johnny decided on the former, to get through this, do what they asked and get away.

He was taken to a tiled room, sunken baths in the floor. The room was cold, goose pimples immediately broke out on Johnny’s arm. He looked towards the baths and noticed the ice on the surface. He looked at his doctor.

‘Ice baths, Johnny. Very effective for calming nerves, anxiety disorder, depression. They have been used for centuries’ 

Johnny nodded slowly, almost not comprehending. ‘You want me to get into that?’ he asked.

‘Not for long. We’ll test your tolerance. See how you get on’

Johnny looked at the bath. He had sat in ice water before, used it to sooth his legs after sports. It was always uncomfortable at first, but he knew he could handle it. He breathed. He had almost expected it to be worse. 

Johnny started to strip off. He wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of fighting it. And Johnny knew that was what it would be, satisfaction. This man wasn’t a doctor. He was a butcher who wanted Johnny to suffer. Johnny knew deep down that this man didn’t care about truly healing anyone. He just broke people down. Johnny hated him.

He stood in his underwear, shivering. 

‘All of it’ 

Johnny pulled his underwear down, stepped out of it. He stood on the end of the bath and took a breath. He put his foot in. Shit! It was deep. This wasn’t like his baths at home where he only covered his legs. The water felt like needles on his legs, like his skin was being burnt. Johnny breathed; told himself that it couldn’t really hurt him.

He climbed in and kept his lips in a tight line, trying not to cry out as the cold wrapped around him. He was bracing himself on the sides of the bath, up to his waist. He knew once he let go, it would go up to his neck. He breathed again and lowered himself.

‘God’ he cried. The cold was like a vice around his chest, he couldn’t breathe. He could feel his heart rate accelerate. This has been a mistake, it was unbearable, like thousands of knives. He started to get up.

‘No, Johnny. You need this’

Johnny looked up at the doctor. He closed his eyes, tried to control his breathing. He could handle this, he told himself. He had to. 

After what felt like a lifetime the doctor spoke. ‘OK Johnny. You can get out’

Johnny leapt out of the water, crawled onto the edge of the bath, taking deep breaths. Someone draped a towel over him, and he wrapped it around him, trying to warm himself. He was shivering so hard it was making his teeth chatter.

‘You did well, Johnny. How do you feel?’ Johnny couldn’t speak, didn’t respond. ‘It’s OK. You can go back to your room now. We’ll talk later’

Johnny didn’t stop to collect his clothes. He held the towel, getting out of the room as quickly as possible. He ran to his room and threw himself onto the bed, pulling his bed clothes around him. He was wrong. He couldn’t handle it. He was going to die in this place if he had to stay any longer. 

He got up, looking for clothes. He pulled out sweatpants and a sweater, starting to put them on. He needed socks. In his rush, Johnny dropped them, and they rolled under the bed. He reached under. They were against the back wall, out of reach. 

Johnny got onto the floor, shuffled under the bed, reaching for them. He looked up, at the underside of the bed and stopped. There was writing on the bed frame. Some in pen, most scratched. He started to read.

_‘Mickey was here ‘79’_

_‘Richard O’Brian - 1982’_

_‘Fuck this place’_

_‘Homo 4eva’_

The whole bed frame was covered in them. Names, dates, jokes, words of encouragement. 

_‘Doc sucks dick’_ Johnny read that one and laughed. 

_‘Patrick is hot’_

_‘Elliott, class of 81’_

_‘Jesus loves queers’_

All the boys who had been here before Johnny, had been through what he had been through. He smiled for the first time since arriving. Johnny started to feel emotional as he read the messages, could feel tears in his eyes. He wondered how many boys had come across these accidently, just like he had, and felt the same way as he felt. Johnny no longer felt quite so alone. 

Johnny climbed to his feet. He looked around him. The cold of the bath was forgotten. He needed something to write with. He had an idea. Johnny picked up his mattress. The mattress was sitting on springs between the wooden crosses of the bed frame. The springs were held together with hooks around the edges. He pulled one of the hooks off.

Johnny climbed back onto the floor, back under the bed. He used the metal hook to scratch the wood.

_‘Johnny and Daniel forever - 1985’_. He scratched a heart as best he could. 

Johnny looked at his work. He put his fingers on the writing. He hoped that the next person who stayed in this room would find it. Those messages of defiance helped him. He knew what he was going to do. He wasn’t staying in this place for six weeks. Johnny was done.

**************************

The next day and another therapy session, another ice bath. Johnny endured. He knew he was leaving. He had to get through another day, and he would make a break for it that night. 

Dinner came and went. He was on edge. He didn’t know what he was doing, didn’t know if they had guards, if doors would be locked. He had no plan. He was just going to run for it and hope for the best. If they caught him, he would handle whatever punishment they had for him. Nothing could be worse than doing nothing. He had been taught to be a fighter and that was what he was going to do.

Johnny ate dinner, knowing it may be the only meal he had in a while. He had no money, no ID, nothing. He didn't even know where he was. He hoped he could hitchhike back to LA but would settle on anywhere for now. 

Night-time came and the lights went out. Johnny sat on his bed, staying away. He looked at his clock. 00:34. He waited. 

03:00. As soon as the clock changed, he decided to move. He could feel his heartbeat in his chest as he opened his door. He said a silent thank you that they didn’t lock the bedroom doors. He crept down the corridor. He was wearing sneakers, a t-shirt, sweatpants, and a sweater over the top. He had nothing to take with him, no possessions. 

Johnny moved down the corridor. He crept down the back stairs. He found a back door that led to the grounds. They were locked. He expected them to be. Johnny’s plan lacked finesse but it was all he had. He picked up a pot plant from a side table and threw it at the window. The window smashed with an almighty crash and Johnny jumped through and started running. He knew where he was going. There was a part of the wall that had a large tree next to it. He had done pullups on the branches during his workout sessions and he knew he could scale it quickly. Then he would jump the wall.

Johnny knew he was taking a risk. The wall was high, and he would have to jump down the other side. He didn’t think about it, just ran. 

Johnny saw lights go on as he sprinted across the grass. He thought he heard voices but didn’t stop to check. He was nearly at the tree. He hit it and jumped, using his speed as momentum. Johnny took hold of the branches. He climbed up and started moving across on the larger branches. Johnny could see the wall below him. He climbed down onto the wall.

Johnny knew he could hear voices now, could hear shouting. Johnny looked down at the drop below him. Luckily, there was grass on the other side. He didn’t have time to think. He threw himself down and rolled as he landed. Thank god his karate training had taught him to fall safely.

Johnny was on his feet in an instant and started to run. He was on a road. He sprinted with everything he had. He was running for his life. There was a tree line a few metres back from the road. He ducked into them for cover, started to move parallel to the road, back the way that Sid had driven a week ago. Branches scratched him as he went, he could feel them in face, scratching at him, but he ignored them. Johnny looked back up at the house. Lights were on. They would soon know someone had left but it would take them a while to figure out who. He carried on moving through the trees.

He heard tires on gravel. They were coming to look for him. He was glad for the tree cover. The gates opened and a car pulled out. Johnny ducked down as lights past him. He carried on moving in the dark as the car continued down the road. 

********************

Daniel looked out of the window, into the night. The weather had taken a bad turn these last few days. The rain hammered down, torrential. He watched rivers of water run down the street. It looked like the rain would never end. He looked at the swimming pool, the water filling it up slowly. If this rain continues, I might get to actually swim in it, he thought.

He closed his curtains, blocked out the night. Daniel turned back to the TV, watching a movie. He had spent a lot of time over the past days at home. He hadn’t had the appetite for going out. 

He missed Johnny. Daniel hadn’t heard a word since that day at his house. The day that Sid caught them together. Daniel had gone to the house many times. No one would speak to him and in the end a police officer had visited his home. A complaint had been made and he was officially warned to stay away. Daniel had told the police officer what had happened, how worried he was for Johnny. He had been told that it was a ‘private family matter’ and he should not get involved. The police had certainly not been interested in getting involved. What a family wanted to do with their teenage son was not a concern of the police.

Daniel was scared. He was scared for Johnny, scared for what Sid had done. Was he hurt? Was he even alive? He didn’t know what Sid was capable of. The man had been so angry, out of control. He could have done anything, whether he meant to or not. Daniel kept on thinking of the worst scenarios. Johnny lying at the bottom of the stairs, having fallen during the fight. Johnny lying on the hard marble floor after being knocked over the railings above. 

Daniel pulled his knees to his chest, wrapped his arms around them. He laid his cheek on his knees, listening to the rain. His hand moved and idly played with the gold cross around his neck. 

Daniel woke to a sound outside the apartment. He was used to knocks and bumps outside, the weather having been so bad, the wind moving things about. His neighbours often walked past their window to reach their front door. The walls were paper thin so they would pick up on conversations, music being played too loud. Daniel rubbed his eyes and looked up. He had fallen asleep. The rain still hammered on the windows. 

There was a soft sound outside the door. That was what had woken him, someone was outside. Daniel got up, peered out the window. The windows were steamed up from where the warm apartment met the cold of the window. He couldn't see anyone. 

Daniel got up and made his way to the door. He looked through the peephole and still couldn't see anyone. Maybe he imagined it. Daniel opened the door and looked about, there was no one there. He looked down and gasped. There was someone sitting on his doorstep. He recognised that blond head.

‘Johnny’ he said. 

Johnny looked up at him. He was soaked, wet through to the bone, his clothes sodden with water. ‘Daniel’ 

Daniel crouched down and took hold of Johnny’s face in his hands. He kissed his wet mouth, couldn’t believe it was him. 

He pulled away. ‘Johnny. I was so worried’ He started to help Johnny up. Johnny was cold, shivering. Daniel put his arms around Johnny, practically carrying him inside. He closed the door behind him, and Johnny sat heavily on the carpet.

Daniel got to work. He ran to the closet and found towels. ‘I need to get these wet clothes off of you. You’re gonna get pneumonia’ 

Johnny nodded, put his arms up as Daniel pulled his sweater over his head. His t-shirt came next. Daniel started to dry Johnny with a towel. He rubbed Johnny’s hair, trying to stop the water trickling down Johnny’s back. Daniel had so many questions but needed to get the boy dry first.

‘Johnny. Let’s get you to the bathroom, get you in a warm shower. Then we can talk’

Johnny just nodded, letting Daniel lead him to the bathroom. Johnny stood, leaning on Daniel as Daniel pulled his soaked sweatpants off. His soaked sneakers, socks and underwear were all removed. Johnny truly was soaked through to the skin. His clothes lay in a wet heap.

Daniel turned the shower on and helped Johnny in. Daniel noticed for the first time that Johnny’s arms were covered in scratches, some had been bleeding. He had two scratches on his face. 

Johnny stood under the warm water and his shivering started to subside. Daniel sat on the toilet seat as Johnny showered. As he started to finish up, Daniel went to his room and found some clothes. Johnny was taller than him, but Daniel found some pajama pants that would fit and a t-shirt. Some warm socks. Johnny turned the shower off and Daniel handed him a towel.

‘Thanks’ Johnny muttered. 

Johnny went back to the living room and sat on the sofa. Daniel sat next to him and threw his arms around him. 

‘Johnny, I was so scared. What happened to you? I was so worried’ he was talking a mile a minute. ‘I went back to your house. They wouldn't see me, wouldn't tell me anything’

Johnny looked at his hands. He wanted to talk but could feel the lump in his throat. He knew that if he talked his emotions would take over.

‘They locked me in my room, made arrangements for me to be sent away’ Johnny’s eyes were filled with tears, he let them fall. ‘They sent me to this place. Tried to cure me of….us. They kept on saying I was sick, that there was something wrong with me.’ Johnny couldn't talk anymore. 

Daniel held Johnny as he cried, letting the emotion of the past week out. Daniel wrapped his arms around him, trying to comfort him. He was frightened. Johnny was hysterical, shaking in his arms. His breathing was fast, as if he was hyperventilating.

‘It’s OK, Johnny. You’re safe. You don’t have to talk now. You’re safe'

Johnny looked at him, nodded.

‘Do you want something to eat? Some tea? Then let’s get you to bed’

Johnny nodded. Daniel kissed him on the forehead and got up. Johnny sat back on the sofa, trying to control his breathing as Daniel worked in the kitchen. He came back a few minutes later with a mug of tea, sweetened with plenty of sugar and some heavily buttered toast on a plate.

He sat down and passed the plate to Johnny. Johnny smiled at him and took the plate. He started to eat. He suddenly realised how hungry he was. The last thing he had eaten was a candy bar twelve hours ago.

Daniel watched Johnny as he ate. When he was finished, he handed Johnny the tea. ‘Do you need anything else?’ 

Johnny shook his head. ‘I just want to sleep for a while. We can talk afterwards’

‘Of course, Johnny. Let’s get you to bed’ 

They got up and Johnny practically sleepwalked to Daniel’s room. He was staggering on his feet from exhaustion. He fell onto Daniel’s bed and curled up to sleep. Daniel left him and as he closed the door Johnny was already asleep.

Daniel closed the door as the door to the apartment opened. His mother was home.

‘Daniel’ she called. ‘Why is the carpet all wet?’ 

*********************

Johnny slept on and off through the night and the next day. He was exhausted, his body needing rest. Daniel didn’t disturb him, slept on the sofa. Johnny woke to the sound of rain outside the window. He rolled over, thought about the last forty-eight hours. 

Johnny had run through the woods for miles until the road opened up. He hadn’t dared flag down a car until he was further away. He had known that by now they would have realised that he had run away, that they would be looking for him. 

When he couldn't run anymore, Johnny had walked. He hadn’t realised how far from the city he was. The sky started to become light as he walked. Eventually Johnny hit a freeway. He put his thumb out, trying to flag down a ride. The traffic was thin with early morning commuters and no one stopped. Eventually he gave up and continued to walk. 

Johnny had walked through suburbs for most of the day, reaching the city in the late afternoon. He was exhausted. Eventually he found a place to rest, sitting behind a dumpster under a bridge. It wasn’t the most comfortable place, but he was somewhere he could put his head down for a few hours without being bothered. 

When Johnny had woken it was early evening and the sun was going down. He needed to figure out how to get back to LA. He had walked until he found a truck stop attached to a small diner. He walked into the diner, looked around. 

A woman looked up from behind the counter. ‘Hey honey. You looking for something’ She studied him.

Johnny knew how he must have looked. He was filthy, covered in mud from walking for miles in the woods. He had no money for food but was so hungry.

‘I’m sorry ma’am. I just need to get to LA. I wanted to see if anyone is going that way, can give me a ride’

The woman smiled. She turned to one of the men sitting at the counter. ‘Jerry, you’re heading that way?’ He looked up from his coffee. ‘You feel like helping the kid out’

The man turned on his stall, looked at Johnny. ‘You need to get to LA?’

‘Yes, sir’

The man snorted. ‘Sure kid. I’ll give you a ride’ He turned back to his coffee.

‘Thank you’ Johnny sat in one of the booths. He put his elbows on the tabletop, ran his hands through his hair. Johnny heard a bell behind him as the door to the diner opened. He jumped in his seat, turned quickly. He breathed as a man walked in, trucker hat over his eyes, and sat at the counter.

‘Hey Bev’ the man said to the woman behind the counter. 

Bev was watching the boy in the booth. She had seen how afraid he had been when the door had opened behind him. She walked round the counter, put a can of Cola in front of him.

Johnny looked up at her. ‘Oh, I don’t have any money’

She smiled. ‘It’s on the house’ She studied him. ‘You’re not running from the cops, are you?’

‘No ma’am. I just…. uh...needed to get away’ He opened the can.

‘Problems at home?’ she asked.

‘Something like that’ he muttered. She smiled and walked back to the counter.

Jerry got up, left some notes on the counter. ‘See you next time, Bev’ He walked over to Johnny. ‘You ready?’

‘Yes sir’ Johnny got up, finishing his Cola. He looked at Bev. ‘Thank you for the drink’

‘No problem, honey. Good luck’

Johnny followed the man to a large truck parked out back. The man turned to Johnny.

‘You’re not gonna get crazy on me, are you?’ he asked.

‘No. Not if you don’t’ 

The man laughed and opened the driver side door. ‘Climb in’

They got on the road and were silent for a while. ‘I’m heading to LAX. You gonna be able to make your way from there’ 

‘Yes, sir. That would be great’ 

‘Hmm’ Jerry grunted. 

They drove in silence for a while. The silence was broken when Johnny's stomach growled. 

'Hey, kid. You hungry?' The man asked.

'Uh, yeah. I haven't had a meal in a while' he confessed.

'There's something in the glove. Help yourself'

'Thank you' Johnny found a chocolate bar and started to eat.

'So kid, what happened? What are you doing out here all by yourself? You not got a family?' He asked.

Johnny sighed. 'It's a long story'

'We've got a long drive' he said.

‘I don’t know if you want to hear it. You might not want to give me a ride if I told you’ he confessed. 

‘You kill someone?’ 

Johnny looked at him. ‘No, nothing like that. I…. uh…. fell in love with someone. The wrong person. My parents sent me away and now I’m trying to get back’

Jerry looked round. ‘Ah. Young love, right. So, what was the issue? She from the wrong side of the tracks?’

‘Something like that’ 

‘I do love a good love story. Just don’t end up like Violette and Alfredo’

‘Who are they?’ 

Jerry looks at Johnny incredulously. ‘What are they even teaching you kids in school nowadays? La Traviata. Verdi’s opera. About young lovers who waste too much time worrying what others think of their relationship. Ends in tragedy’ He chuckles. ‘As do most operas’ 

Johnny looks at him.

‘What?’ Jerry says, pretending to be shocked. ‘You think a guy who drives a truck can’t listen to a little opera?’

Johnny laughs, raising his hands in mock surrender. ‘I didn’t say anything’

‘Hmm’ Jerry went back to driving. They settled into a silence. 

Johnny breaks it first, says tentatively. ‘She is a he’

‘Hmmm. What?’

‘You said she. It’s not she, it’s he. That was the issue’ Johnny waited to see the man’s response. 

‘Well’ Jerry started. ‘That does sound like a difficult situation’ he said thoughtfully. ‘You love this guy?’

‘I do’ Johnny said, smiling.

‘He worth all the shit that’s gonna come with trying to make it work?’

‘I think so’

‘Then fuck what others think. Life is too short. One day we’ll be dead and none of this will matter anyway’ He looked at Johnny, smiled. ‘Be happy. Nothing else matters’

Johnny looked at the man for a moment. Johnny faced back to the window and watched the freeway pass by.

*****************************

Daniel opened the door, found Johnny awake. ‘Hey. How are you?’ He sat on the bed, took Johnny’s hand.

‘I’m OK. Thanks for last night’ Johnny said.

‘Don’t thank me, Johnny’ They sat in silence for a moment. ‘Is anyone gonna be looking for you?’ Daniel asked.

Johnny shrugged. ‘I’m not going back there’

‘What was that place?’ Daniel asked. ‘You said last night there were doctors. What did you mean?’

‘They were trying to cure me of you. This place claimed it could cure people of, I don’t know, being gay I suppose. I had to go through these therapy sessions, they kept on telling me I was sick, like I was insane. This doctor would talk to me for hours, analysing me'

'Jesus, Johnny' 

'I had to get away. I just got out and ran. He said I had anger issues, that I was only with you piss off my stepdad. They said I was ruining my life on purpose'

Daniel was quiet for a moment. 'Are they right?'

'What?'

'Are they right? Is that true? That you're just with me to piss Sid off?'

'No, Daniel. I'm with you because I love you' Johnny took hold of Daniel's arms, looked him in the eyes.

'You said you were ruining your life with me?' Daniel looked sadly at Johnny.

'No! They said that, not me. It isn't true' he protested.

Daniel stood up. 'I think we need some time apart'

'No Daniel. I love you' Johnny took hold of Daniel's hand, looked up at him.

'Johnny, this is all so fucked up. Your parents literally sent you to a nuthouse because of us. No one is going to be happy about this. Are you ready for that? This is going to be so hard. We have been together for a few months and have already gone through so much. Is this really going to make you happy?'

'Yes. I don't care what people think. I’m happy with you'

Daniel looked at Johnny. He paused, said carefully. 'Johnny, you have never had to fight, to work for anything. You don't know what the world is really like. You lived in a rich, secure bubble. The world is tough, and this is only going to make it harder'

Johnny stared at Daniel, couldn't believe what he was hearing. ‘I…. Daniel…. I fought for you. I fucking…...what I went through at that place...the things they said, they did'

'Maybe you should have stayed there. Let them help you. It would have made things so much easier' Daniel said quietly. He turned to leave.

'Daniel, what are you saying? You don't want to be with me? We were going to go to New York, be together' 

Daniel took a breath. 'No, Johnny. I'm staying here. Let's be honest. This, you and me, it's better if we just end it now'

Johnny jumped up. 'No! Don't say that, Daniel. I love you. Don't you love me?'

Daniel didn't respond, looked at Johnny sadly.

'Daniel? Do you love me?' Daniel didn't respond. 'Please answer me?' Johnny begged.

Daniel steeled himself, clenched his fists, looked at Johnny, his eyes hard. 'No, Johnny. I don't' 

Johnny stared at him. 'You don't?' 

'That's what I said. No, Johnny. I thought I did but it was just a stupid childish crush. We never had a real future together'

Johnny stepped back, sat down on the bed in shock. 

Daniel turned towards the door. He looked back at Johnny. 'You can stay here until you figure out where to go. I'll go and sleep on the sofa' He closed the door, left Johnny alone.

Johnny stared at the door. He was numb. He eventually laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He didn’t cry, he just thought. He was alone, truly alone in the world, had no one. He couldn’t go back to his family, his friends had moved on, Daniel didn’t want to be with him. He needed to figure out what to do next. 

Johnny decided he was leaving, as soon as possible. Far away from California. Starting again.

Daniel walked into the living room. He sat on the sofa and moved onto his back. He could feel a lump in his throat, could feel tears prick his eyes. He rolled onto his side, facing away from the room. 

Johnny had lost so much, all because of him. Daniel thought back to when he had arrived in California, not even a year ago. He remembered looking at Johnny across the school parking lot, surrounded by friends, popular, karate champion. Over the past months Daniel had chipped away at all of that, taken everything from him. He thought of the boy in the other room with nothing, no family, his only possessions the soggy clothes currently drying on the radiator. Daniel had taken too much; ruined Johnny’s life. He wasn’t going to ruin it anymore. He loved Johnny too much.

Daniel put his fist to his mouth, tried to silence his sobs as his shoulders shook and tears soaked his pillow. He would have to let him go.

***************************

When Daniel woke the next morning, his eyes stung. He looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and swollen from crying himself to sleep. 

Daniel crept to his room. The bed was empty. Johnny’s clothes from the radiator were missing. Daniel walked around the apartment, checking for Johnny. He was gone. Johnny had taken all the money from Daniel’s wallet and left. He hadn’t even left a note. 

Daniel sat on the sofa. His mother let herself into the apartment. 

‘Hey honey’ She looked at her son’s stricken face. ‘Are you OK? Where’s Johnny?’

‘Oh mum, he left’ Daniel started to cry.

‘What do you mean he left?’ She sat down, put her arm around him.

‘He’s gone’ Daniel sobbed. ‘I told him I didn’t want to be with him, and he left’

‘Why would you say that?’ Lucille asked. She had seen how Johnny’s disappearance had affected her son. She had been thrilled for him when Johnny had returned.

‘I was so scared. He had been through so much because of me. I just thought he would be better without me. And now he’s gone’

Lucille looked at her son. ‘Don’t you think that Johnny was the best person to decide what’s best for him?’

Daniel stared at her. ‘Did I make a mistake, Mum? Letting him go?’

‘I don’t know son. But you know what they say. If you two are supposed to be together, you will be. He’ll come back to you’

Daniel hugged his mother.

***************************

Johnny sat at the bus station waiting for his bus. He had a one-way ticket on the next Greyhound bus to New York. He felt bad about taking Daniel’s money but decided not to think about it too much. He needed to get away. He had nothing with him, was wearing the clothes he had left Fairford House in. He looked up at the bus schedule. His bus would be leaving in forty-five minutes. He had a sixty hour journey ahead of him, transfers in Oklahoma City and then again Pittsburgh. He had no idea what he would do once he got to New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this story I did some research onto gay conversation therapy and everything mentioned in this story comes from real accounts from survivors of it. In fact some 'therapies' I read about were too awful to even put the characters in this story through.
> 
> It was pretty harrowing to read about and governments in the US and UK are still working to stamp it out but in 2018 a survey by the UK government found that 2% of the LGBTQ+ community had suffered it and Stonewall, the charity in the UK that works on behalf of the community, found that 5% of people it surveyed has been pressured to visit services that claimed to be able to change their orientation.
> 
> So although this story is set in the 80s, it is still something that is very much happening today and many people are working tirelessly to get it stopped permanently and supporting survivors.
> 
> The Power of Love is a beautiful song by Frankie Goes to Hollywood, which is probably more well known in the UK than the US, and many actually know it more as a Christmas song, but it should be listened to all year round as it is wonderful. If you don't know it, put it into Spotify or YouTube link here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdnAbtIF3YM . If you have never heard it you won't regret it (Not to be confused by The Power of Love by Huey Lewis and the News :) ) And it was written and is sung by Holly Johnson, pretty much a bona fide LGBT icon!
> 
> More chapters to come as this story is pretty much finished. I originally wrote it to be a one shot but it got away from me and is now pushing 50k words.
> 
> Also a note on the cars. The car that Johnny drives in the Karate Kid is an Avanti that was specially customised for the film to create a convertible model that didn't exist at the time. I think it is a hideous car but it's not a Firebird like many people think he drives. The 1991 Firebird he drives in Cobra Kai makes an appearance later.


	2. 1995

Johnny unlocked the door to the shop, grocery bags under his arms. He juggled the paper bags as he pushed the door closed with his hip. He dumped the bags on the floor and locked the door behind him. Johnny walked through the shop, turning on lights. He picked up the bags and made his way out back. He filled the fridge with milk and soda, supplies for the week ahead.

There was a knock at the door. He looked round. There was a blonde head looking through the window at him. She waved.

Johnny opened the door. ‘Morning, Sarah. How was your weekend?’

‘Morning, boss. Good, thanks. You?’

‘Yeah, alright’ He said, looking through the mail.

She smiled at him. ‘You call that girl who gave you her number last week? She was cute’

He looked up at her. ‘No, I didn’t’

‘Oh man, you need a proper girlfriend’ she said laughing.

‘Just get to work. My love life is none of your business’ he said, smiling.

Sarah gave Johnny a playful salute. ‘Right, boss’

Johnny walked out to the back office, sat down at his desk. He reached under the desk, turned on the computer and the monitor. He waited for the computer to load up and started working through the new stock orders.

Johnny had managed the little book shop for the past three years after starting there nine years ago. The owner had hired him and then put Johnny in charge when he had eventually retired. Johnny enjoyed looking after the store. He was proud of the success of their little shop and the staff were all hard working and dedicated. 

The first few months after Johnny arrived in New York had been rough. He was just another runaway, a few months off eighteen, didn’t know anyone and had no money. He had slept on the streets for a few weeks, resorting to stealing food and alcohol from the local minimart, making money in ways he now chose not to think about, before eventually finding the shelter that had taken him in. Johnny had focused on getting a job and finding somewhere to live. The women who ran the shelter had been instrumental in him getting on his feet, had picked him up when he was at his lowest, and he was still good friends with her, volunteering whenever he could to give other kids the same chance he had been given. 

After a few odd jobs he had seen a help wanted sign in the window of a little bookshop on the Upper West Side. The owner had taken a shine to him and given him the job then and there. Johnny had worked hard and got on well with the customers. Nine years later he was running the place.

Johnny looked down at his watch. 9am. Time to open up. 

****************************

After work Johnny headed back to his apartment in Greenwich. It was small; one bedroom, living area and small kitchen. Johnny had been here for the past five years and it was all he needed. 

He dumped his bag on the floor, turned on the radio. He opened a cupboard and took out a box. He looked around.

‘Hey, where are you? You want a treat?’ He heard a small tinkle of a bell and watched a small back cat wander into the room. The cat jumped up on the kitchen counter. ‘Hey girl. How have you been? You missed me?’ He stroked under the cat’s chin and she purred. He took a treat from the box and fed the cat. ‘Good girl’ He picked the cat up, kissed her on the head and put her back on the floor.

Johnny moved through the apartment, taking his clothes off, threw them at the clothes hamper in the corner and pulled a pair of sweatpants and a vest from the draw. He grabbed a sweater, picked up his gym bag and headed back out.

Johnny spent most evenings at the local gym. He had followed the same routine for years now. Weight training three days, swimming for cardio two days, one hundred lengths of front crawl every time, and two days of martial arts training. 

Johnny hadn’t kept away from martial arts for long. The 90s had brought more choice of arts, after the 80s when it was karate or nothing, and he had taken up Taekwondo and Jiu Jitsu. His Taekwondo sabom and Jiu Jitsu sensei had both disapproved of him taking up what they felt were two opposing disciplines at the same time, and had wanted him to focus on each one's art, but he had ignored them both. 

Johnny wasn’t training for competition anymore, he trained because he enjoyed it. Eight years later and he was close to receiving his black belt in both. Johnny remembered what it had been like in Cobra Kai where the focus for Kreese had always been to get them to their black belt as quickly as possible, grading them as quickly as possible. Now Johnny realised that for Kreese the competitions were important for the reputation of the dojo and getting his students to black belt as soon as possible was part of that. Now Johnny took his time, learning to really appreciate each stage of his learning.

Tonight, Johnny went straight for the free weights. Everyone at the gym knew him, but he rarely made conversation. This was his place of escape.

Johnny went through his routine, the same exercises every time, a full body workout. Deadlift, bench press, squat, shoulder press, pull ups and rows. He worked efficiently, always adding more weight than his last workout, overloading the muscles. He cooled down and stretched carefully at the end. When Johnny was done, he was sweating and headed straight for the showers. 

Johnny took care of himself, exercised, ate well, didn’t drink, never touched cigarettes. It showed. Johnny had grown broader over the years with a narrow waist, strong arms, and legs. Despite living in New York for ten years he still had that California look, tanned with blond hair. Johnny was proud of the way he looked, knew that it got him attention, knew that people found him attractive. He liked it, enjoyed catching people looking at him.

He didn’t date but had an active sex life. Johnny didn’t want the drama of dating, had no interest in getting his heart broken but frequented the local bars and was always able to find someone to spend the evening with. 

Johnny tended to only sleep with women these days. He had been with plenty of men over the years, but he had soon realised he had a type. He would find himself looking at the dark-haired men in bed, running his hands over their olive skin and felt an old pain that he recognised all too well. It was easier just to stick to women. With women he wasn’t picky. 

He only had two rules when it came to sex. Always go back to their place, Johnny wanted the freedom of being able to leave whenever he wanted. The second was to always use protection. He was pretty open minded about anything else.

When Johnny got home, he sat down for a meal in front of the TV with the cat he had found abandoned, adopted, and had become his favourite companion. He liked that she came and went as she pleased, never asked too much from him and when she was bored of him, she would not think twice of jumping off him and walking away. He respected that.

He looked over and noticed that the red light was flashing on his answering machine. He jumped up and pressed the button.

_‘Hey buddy. Long-time no speak. Give me a call OK. It’ll be good to catch up’_

He recognised that voice and realised that it had been a while since they last spoke. Bobby. Bobby was the only person from his childhood who he had kept in touch with. After he had left California Johnny had written to him, told him the bare bones of what had happened to him and that he was living in New York. Years later he had told Bobby the whole story, the only person who knew what had really happened to him. Even Daniel had never been told all the facts.

They had met up a few times over the years. Bobby was training to be a minister. When Bobby had told Johnny of his calling, Johnny had not been surprised. Bobby had always been the peacemaker, the conscience of the group. All his other relationships from that time in Johnny’s life had fallen away and he always enjoyed hearing from his old friend.

Johnny looked at his watch, made a mental note to give Bobby a call tomorrow afternoon.

Johnny stared at the TV for a little while longer before looking at his watch again. It was almost 9pm. He got up and went into the bedroom. He changed into jeans and t-shirt and threw a shirt on top. He looked at himself in the mirror, ran his fingers through his hair. He grabbed his keys and left, heading down to the local bar. He had recently spent the night with a pretty redhead he met there and wanted to see if she was back.

******************************** 

The next day at lunch, Johnny sat in his office and picked up the phone. It rang a couple of times before Johnny heard a familiar voice.

‘Hey buddy, how are you? Sorry I missed you yesterday’

‘Johnny. Good to hear from you. How’re things in the Big Apple’

‘Good, man’

They caught up for a few minutes. Johnny smiled. He always found talking to Bobby easy, like no time had passed since they were at school. 

‘Look, listen man. There is a reason I wanted to talk to you’ Bobby said.

‘Sure. What is it?’

‘Have you heard about this ten year reunion?’

‘What reunion?’ Johnny asked.

‘High school. They are holding a ten year reunion. Back in the old gym. Everyone had been invited. I wasn’t sure if you knew; whether anyone had known how to contact you’

Johnny shook his head. ‘No, I haven't heard anything. But I'm not sure if I'm up for it''

‘Oh Johnny, you should come. Everyone is gonna be there. The old gang are gonna get together again. They would love to see you. Tommy, Jimmy. Even Dutch is coming. You’ve gotta come. They are asking about you’

Johnny sighed. ‘I don’t think so. The end of high school was so fucked up. I don’t wanna spend the whole night answering questions. I pretty much disappeared in senior year. Didn't even graduate’

‘No one will even remember. Come on, Johnny. Please. For me. Just think about it’

‘OK, when is it?’

‘Next month, the 24th’

Johnny looked at his calendar. ‘I am not sure if I can get the time off work. I’ll have to find cover’

‘Johnny, you're the boss. Just take some time. I bet you never take time off’ Bobby protested.

‘Hmmmm’ he sighed again. ‘OK, count me in’ Johnny said, without enthusiasm. 

‘That’s great. You can stay at mine if you need to. I’ll even collect you from the airport’ 

‘OK. I gotta find a cat sitter’

‘Bring the cat. She can stay with us as well’

Johnny smiled. ‘Thanks man. OK, you’re on’ He checked the calendar again. ‘How about I take the week? We can catch up properly. I’ll fly in on the 21st’

Bobby was thrilled. ‘Sounds good. It will be so good to see you. Let me know when you have your flight details’.

‘OK. Speak soon’

Johnny hung up. He made a note on the calendar that he would be out for the week. He knew the shop would be fine without him. His staff were competent; could cope without him for a few days. 

Johnny had a thought. Would Daniel be there? He suddenly felt sick. He hadn’t seen Daniel in ten years and a small part of him suspected he wasn’t over him. Fuck! Johnny had the urge to call Bobby back, cancel, tell him that it was a bad idea. But he couldn’t do that. Johnny was going to have to deal with it, just face Daniel if he had to.

****************************

Johnny stepped out into the warm air. He shielded his eyes from the sunlight. He had forgotten how warm California was after years on the east coast. The sky was as blue as he remembered. He couldn’t believe it had been ten years since he had last stepped foot in California. 

He lifted the carry case up to his face. A little black furry face looked out at him. ‘Welcome to California, girl’

He started walking towards the parking lot. He looked over and saw a familiar face leaning against a car. Johnny walked over, placed his bags down to embrace his old friend. 

‘Hey buddy. Good flight?’ Bobby asked.

‘Yeah, glad to be here’

Johnny got in the passenger seat, placed the carry case carefully down at his feet. 

***********************

Johnny spent a few days relaxing with his old friend, catching up. He took the opportunity to explore LA, check in on some of his favourite places. He passed the old Cobra Kai dojo. It was now a mattress store, the outlandish sign with the snake long gone. 

Johnny was dreading the reunion. He didn’t tell Bobby, but he had been dreading it as soon as he said yes to it three weeks ago. He was looking forward to seeing his old Cobra Kai buddies, but that was about it. 

The evening of the reunion, just as they were preparing to leave, Johnny was pacing Bobby’s living room. 

‘Hey Johnny. What’s up?’ Bobby asked, seeing the anxious look on his friend's face.

‘Man, I’m nervous’ he confessed.

‘What about?’ Bobby sat on the sofa and Johnny sat next to him.

‘What if...Daniel’s there. I haven’t seen him since…. You know’ Johnny ran his hands through his hair.

‘Then you go over and say hello like an adult’

‘I don’t think I can. What if I like, break down, or something’?

Bobby laughed. ‘Do you really think that’s going to happen?’

Johnny smiled. ‘No. Just throwing out worst case scenarios’

Bobby put his hand on his friend's shoulder. ‘You know what I think is gonna happen. If Daniel is there, which he might not be, he is gonna take one look at you and he is the one who is going to break down for letting you leave all those years ago’

Johnny smiled. ‘Oh yeah?’

‘Definitely. You are hot, Johnny Lawrence, you always were. I can see it and I’m not into dudes. Daniel’s gonna lose his shit when he sees you. He’ll be begging you to come back’

Johnny laughed. ‘I’ll make him beg’

‘I don’t doubt it’ Bobby laughed. He clapped his friend on the shoulder and got up.

*********************

Johnny stepped into the gym. He looked around. Being here again threw him straight back to his school years. The gym had been decorated, just like they used to for the various occasions when they were kids. The only difference was that the room was now full of men and women in their twenties and there was a full bar.

Johnny walked around, checking out the groups. He recognised most, others he didn’t. He looked over at a table and saw Bobby waving to him.

‘Johnny! Over here!’ 

Johnny waved back and started to make his way over to the table. He was stopped by a woman, dark hair, drink in her hand.

‘Johnny? Johnny Lawrence? It’s Susan. I was in Math class with you’

‘Oh, yeah. Hi Susan. How have you been?’ he said politely. He could barely remember the woman but didn’t want to appear rude.

‘I’ve been well, thank you. Married, two kids, you know. Husband’s not here. I left him at home to babysit’

‘Hmm. That’s great’ he said, looking past her at Bobby. Bobby was smiling at him across the room.

‘So, Johnny. Did you bring anyone with you? Wife? Girlfriend? I heard a rumour you were living out east now’

‘No, it’s just me. And yeah, I’m living in New York’

‘Hmmm’ she put her hand on his arm. ‘You look good. Well, I mean. Do you want to get a drink later?’

‘Yeah, why not’ Johnny started to move past her. ‘It was great meeting you again. I’ll see you later, OK’

Johnny made a beeline for Bobby. He looked down at the table and there was his old friend. 

‘Johnny!’ Tommy said, throwing his arms around Johnny. ‘You came. It has been too long. You want a drink?’ he gestured towards the bar.

‘No, I’m OK man. Not a big drinker’

‘The ex-degenerate himself’ Johnny heard behind him. Jimmy was there, a bottle of beer in his hand. Johnny hugged him. 

‘Hey Johnny’ 

Johnny turned and did a double take. ‘Dutch. What happened to the blond hair?’

Dutch’s hair was its natural brown. ‘I couldn’t keep putting that shit in it. It was gonna fall out’

They laughed and all sat at the table. The boys caught up on their news over the years. The men knew enough about Johnny's final year of high school not to pry too much. The rumours around school were that Johnny had gotten some girl pregnant and his parents had sent him away, that he’d graduated out of state. Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy knew enough to know that the rumours were just that, rumours.

The conversation flowed easily, and Johnny started to relax. He forgot about his earlier fears and didn’t even notice when the dark-haired man entered the gym, still looking like the youngest person in the room after all these years.

Daniel had not wanted to come to this. Ali had called him and told him about it and practically begged him. They hadn’t spoken for years and she wanted to catch up. He didn’t really understand why they couldn’t just have a meal or a drink, but she insisted. He had finally relented and agreed to meet her there. 

He looked around the room and took a deep breath. Maybe this would be good, he thought. He had been so busy, his head in his work for so long that it would be nice to have the evening off and meet some old faces. 

He looked round and found Ali by the bar with some of her old girlfriends. He walked over.

‘Hi Ali. I’m almost glad you dragged me to this’ he said

‘Daniel, I’m so glad you came’ She hugged him. ‘Do you want a drink?’ she asked, turning back to the bar.

‘Yeah, a glass of red wine would be great’

She smiled and spoke to the barman. She passed him a large glass. ‘So, Daniel, what have you been up to. I hear you’re in cars now?’

‘Yeah. Started off fixing them, now I’m selling them. I’m doing pretty well actually. The commission is good and it's nice to have an excuse to drive cars I can’t afford’

Ali laughed. ‘You always were into your cars. You still have that crazy yellow convertible?’

‘I do. I don’t get to drive it much anymore but it's still about’ Daniel took a sip of his wine. It wasn’t bad for wine being served in a high school gym. ‘And, how are you? How’s medical school?’

‘Oh, don’t ask. Between studying and my residency, I‘m exhausted all the time. I swear, I have fallen asleep in my lunch on more than one occasion. But I enjoy it. I work with good people’

‘That’s great. You always were smart’

Susan walked up to the bar, interrupting them. She spoke to Ali. ‘Hey, have you seen Johnny Lawrence. That boy got ripped’ She giggled, pretended to fan herself.

Daniel looked up in shock. ‘Johnny’s here?’ He started to scan the room.

‘Yeah, no one expected him to show up. Apparently, he lives in New York’ Susan turned to Ali. ‘He was always good looking but now he is smoking hot. And he’s single. You don’t mind, do you?’

Ali laughed. ‘Why would I mind?’

‘I don’t know. You two were kind of a thing. I didn’t want to get in the way of a reunion’ she smiled, nudging her.

‘It’s been ten years, Susan. I have no interest in Johnny Lawrence’

‘OK, girl. But you won't be saying that when you see him’ Susan laughed and walked away.

Daniel was looking around the room. Ali looked at him.

‘Daniel, are you OK?’ she asked with concern.

Daniel drank his wine. ‘No, I’m fine. I just didn’t realise that Johnny would be here. I haven’t seen him in so long’

‘Just ignore him. He’s not gonna start anything with you after ten years’

Daniel gulped another mouth full of wine. ‘No, Ali. You don’t understand. Johnny and I, we had a thing back then’

Ali looked at him confused. ‘What do you mean a thing?’

‘I mean...a thing. I mean we…. dated’ he whispered.

‘You. And Johnny!’ Daniel nodded. ‘Oh my god. How did I never know that?’ A grin broke out on her face. ‘You and Johnny. Wow’ She looked thoughtful. ‘After us, right?’

‘Yeah, after us. We became friends and had a short thing. It wasn’t anything serious, but I wasn’t expecting to see him tonight’ Daniel turned back to the bar. ‘I need another drink’ he ordered something stronger, a martini.

‘Well, don’t worry. If Susan gets her claws into him, you won’t have anything to worry about’ she laughed.

Daniel nodded, drinking his martini in one gulp. Daniel knew he would regret it if he didn’t speak to Johnny. This was the opportunity he had wanted all these years. To explain. But he needed some Dutch courage.

Johnny stood up. ‘Got to visit the little boy’s room’ He started across the room. He bumped into a few people as he moved through the tables, had a few short conversations. He got to the doors and stepped into the corridor. He looked up and down the corridor, trying to get his bearings. He headed down a corridor, turned a corner.

Daniel LaRusso was standing in front of him. Johnny stopped dead. 

‘Hi Johnny’ Daniel said. ‘Someone mentioned that you were here’ 

Johnny ran his hands through his hair, looked at Daniel. He hadn’t changed at all. He still looked so much like the scrawny kid he was when he was seventeen. A little taller, hair a little longer. But he had lost that teenage awkwardness; stood with more confidence. 

Johnny on the other hand felt like he was instantly transported to being a teenager again. He was suddenly self-conscious, didn’t know what to say to the man in front of him. Ten years of healing felt like it was falling apart in an instant.

‘How are you?’ Daniel asked.

‘I’m fine. You?’ he said, turning away. He felt like he couldn’t bear to look into those brown eyes.

‘I’m well, Johnny. I’m glad you’re here. It would be good for us to talk’ Daniel said stepping towards him.

‘No, I don’t think so,’ Johnny said.

Daniel looked shocked. ‘What? Really?’

‘Yeah. I don’t think so’ Johnny stared at him.

‘I thought it would be good for us. Clear the air, you know’ Daniel said, smiling.

Johnny suddenly felt himself get angry; fists clenched at his sides. ‘Clear the air? Clear the air?! You want to clear the air!’ 

Johnny found he was shouting. His own anger surprised him. He had known there were emotions there that he had never allowed himself to deal with, but he was not expecting the rage.

‘Johnny, I wanted to say I’m sorry’ Daniel said, talking quickly.

‘I have spent ten fucking years getting over you! You fucking…. you fucking broke my heart. Sent me away when I had nothing. So no, I don’t want to clear the air. You're not going to get to clear your own conscience, make yourself feel better'

Daniel looked pained. ‘Johnny, I’m sorry. I was young. I didn’t handle it well. And then you just left. It was crazy, I couldn’t deal with it. It was all too intense’

Johnny snorted with bitter laughter. ‘It was too intense?’ He repeated. ‘Well, sorry it was all so intense for you, man. What do you think it was for me? I went to New York alone. I lived on the street. I had to rebuild my whole life, alone, at the age of fucking seventeen! And it was too intense for you!’ Johnny looked down. He looked back up at Daniel. ‘You know what. Just fuck off. Leave me alone’

Johnny walked past Daniel. He threw the door to the locker room open, slammed it closed behind him.

‘Johnny don’t go. Please’ Daniel followed him into the locker room. 

As he stepped into the room, Johnny was on him. Johnny pushed Daniel back against the door. He crushed his mouth against Daniel, kissing him hard. Ten years of passion, loneliness, anger, and regret coming out in that moment.

Daniel kissed Johnny back. He shocked himself with the force of it and how much he wanted it. Johnny pushed his tongue into Daniel’s mouth and Daniel reciprocated. 

Johnny took his mouth off Daniel. He held Daniel against the door and started to kiss Daniel’s neck, running his hands up Daniel’s body.

Daniel could feel how strong Johnny was, how much bigger he had gotten over the years. Johnny was holding him against the door and Daniel couldn't have moved if he wanted to. He gasped as Johnny bit his neck. 

‘Johnny’ he gasped. ‘Stop. What if someone comes in?’

‘I anyone interrupts us right now; I’ll knock them out’ Johnny growled. Daniel moaned. Johnny kissed him again and Daniel kissed back, the two men devouring each other.

Johnny started to unbuckle Daniel’s belt. ‘What are you doing?’ Daniel said

‘Shut up, LaRusso’ 

Johnny started to work the buttons on Daniel’s pants. He pushed his hands into Daniel’s underwear, took hold of him. Johnny smiled. Daniel was already hard. 

‘You are pleased to see me after all these years’ Johnny smirked at Daniel. Daniel groaned as Johnny ran his hands along him. Johnny got down onto his knees.

‘Shit, Johnny. Stop’ Daniel said, looking down at him.

‘No way, LaRusso’

Daniel tried to move away. ‘No seriously, Johnny. You need to stop. This isn’t right’

Johnny got up, towered over Daniel. ‘This is happening, LaRusso. So shut the fuck up’ He kissed Daniel hard. Daniel moaned under Johnny’s mouth. 

Johnny was back on his knees. He took Daniel in his mouth and Daniel tipped his head back, moaning softly. Johnny started to move, taking Daniel into his throat, using his hands at the same time. Daniel was breathing heavily and started to moan loudly. Johnny smiled up at him. He got faster and felt Daniel pulling his hair. 

‘Oh, fuck Johnny. I’m gonna…. God!’ Daniel cried out as he came into Johnny’s throat. Johnny swallowed him, didn’t stop moving his mouth as Daniel’s orgasm died down. Daniel shuddered, tremors running through his body.

Johnny was breathing heavily, his forehead on Daniel’s stomach. Daniel was running his hands through Johnny’s hair. 

Johnny got up and staggered over to the bench, sat down heavily. He sat forward, head in his hands. Daniel pulled his clothes back on and walked over to Johnny. Daniel put his hand on Johnny’s head. Johnny looked up at him. He touched Johnny’s neck, ran his hand back up through Johnny’s hair.

‘What was that about, Johnny?’ he asked softly.

Johnny just looked up at him. He shrugged Daniel’s hand away from him. He sat back against the lockers. Johnny banged his head against the lockers. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have come back. I was so worried you would be here. I don’t know why I thought I could handle it’

Daniel sat down next to him. ‘Why did you do that?’

Johnny shrugged. He couldn’t explain it himself. In that moment he hadn’t known if he was trying to punish Daniel or himself.

‘I’m so sorry Johnny. I’m sorry for what I did. I just….’ Daniel took a breath, decided to tell him the truth. ‘I loved you, I did. I lied that day when I said I didn’t love you. I just felt like you had given so much up for me. I felt so guilty. Like I wouldn’t be good enough. Like you would one day look at me and realise that I wasn’t worth it all’

‘Don’t you think that was my choice to make?’ Johnny asked.

‘Maybe’ Daniel said sadly. ‘I was just a kid’

Johnny sighed. ‘It doesn’t matter. None of it fucking matters. This was a mistake’ Johnny got up, started to walk towards the door.

‘No, Johnny. Wait’ Daniel jumped up, took hold of Johnny’s arm. 

Johnny shrugged violently away from him. ‘Just leave me alone. I hope I never see you again’ He walked out of the door.

Daniel flinched as it slammed closed behind him. He sat on the bench and put his head in his hands.

************************

Johnny stood in the window of the store, looking out. It was starting to snow, and people were hurrying along the street for shelter. He turned as he heard a shout. It was the first of December and the Christmas period was ahead of them.

‘Can someone help me with these?’ Sarah was struggling with two large cardboard boxes of Christmas decorations. 

Johnny ran to her and took one of the boxes from her. He carried it towards the window where they had placed their Christmas tree. Johnny opened the box and started to remove decorations. Johnny wasn't fond of Christmas. He always spent it alone and the festivities just reminded him that he didn’t have a family to visit and his friends were always with their own families. He put on a brave face for the team though. The store was always beautifully decorated, and they would start to get busy with Christmas shoppers. 

Johnny spent the day supervising as his team decorated the store, helping where they needed and giving his advice when asked. By the time they prepared to close up, the store was full of coloured lights and the tree stood proudly in the window.

Johnny let the staff go so he could close up. They had worked hard and deserved to get out early. Johnny was restocking shelves when he heard the door.

‘Sorry, we’re closing’ he called. 

‘Johnny?’ 

Johnny stopped and turned towards the door. Daniel stood there in a coat, scarf and gloves, a sprinkle of snow on his shoulders and in his dark hair. Johnny put the books down and took a breath.

‘Hi Daniel. You’re in New York? How did you know I worked here?’ He stepped closer towards the other man.

‘I’m in town for a sales conference. I’m heading back tomorrow’ He hesitated. ‘I contacted Bobby. I hope that was OK. I wanted to see you’

Johnny started moving through the shop, picking up books and rearranging displays. ‘Oh yeah. Why?’ He wasn’t looking at Daniel, was finding tasks to keep his eyes elsewhere.

‘I didn’t like how we left things at the reunion. I know you were angry but….’ Daniel didn’t know what to say. He didn’t really know why he felt so drawn to Johnny but seeing him again had reignited something in Daniel that he couldn’t ignore, didn’t want to ignore. ‘I hoped we could go get a drink, have some dinner. Maybe talk’.

Johnny looked at him and smiled. ‘Sure. I would actually like that. It would be good to catch up. And man, I’m sorry about what happened at the reunion. For shouting at you and…. you know...’

‘Don’t worry about it, Johnny’ Daniel stepped closer to the man. He looked at Johnny properly, without the heightened emotions of their last encounter. He looked around the bookstore, decorated for Christmas. ‘You look well, Johnny. Really well. I like the store’

‘Thanks. We’re proud of it. Been here a little while now’ he said modestly, looking around him.

‘Dinner?’ 

‘Yeah, why not’ Johnny started to turn the lights off, collected his bag from the back office. ‘Oh hey, man, I just need to swing by my apartment. Feed the cat’ 

‘Sure. You lock up, I’ll get us a cab’

Twenty minutes later they were standing outside Johnny’s apartment. Johnny unlocked the door and Daniel stepped in. The cat was already in the kitchen, waiting to be fed.

‘So, you have a cat?’ Daniel said. ‘I’ll be honest, I never saw you as a pet person’ He smiled as Johnny picked his pet up and let her eat from a bowl on the kitchen counter.

Johnny smiled. ‘I think this one thinks I’m her pet sometimes’ He shrugged. ‘I always wanted a pet when I was a kid. I was never allowed one. So, when I found this little lady alone out by the dumpsters, I just took her home’

Daniel walked over to the windows. The snow was starting to come down heavier. Johnny looked up and saw it too. ‘Do you feel like just hanging out here.? I can order some take out. The weather is looking pretty bad’

Daniel shrugged. ‘Sure’

They sat on the sofa, drinking beers, catching up, eating Chinese food. The cat got comfy on Daniel, curling up in his lap. 

‘She likes you’ Johnny commented. 

‘Yeah and she’s showing it by getting fur all over me’ Daniel grumbled, no real annoyance in his voice. 

Johnny shrugged. ‘Sorry, dude. She’s in charge around here. I wouldn’t try and move her. She’ll get her claws out’

The evening wore on and they started to settle into each other’s company as if no time had passed. Johnny teased Daniel on his suit and Daniel looked through Johnny’s music collection, his love of hair metal still a point of disagreement. Johnny put some music on, Van Halen’s ‘Balance’, a band they could still agree on.

Daniel watched Johnny. He had thought a lot about him since they had seen each other those months ago. Daniel looked at his blond hair, different than it was when they were seventeen, cut in a style more fitting with the new decade. Slightly darker from the months spent away from the California sun. It looked just as soft as it always was.

‘What are you doing?’ came a strangled voice.

Daniel snapped out of his thoughts. He realised that he had involuntarily reached across and put his hand in Johnny’s hair. Daniel retracted his arm suddenly, embarrassed. ‘I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to….’

Johnny took Daniel’s hand in his and put it to his face, kissed Daniel’s wrist. He looked at Daniel. Daniel brought Johnny’s face to his and kissed him.

‘I’ve missed you so much’ Johnny whispered between kisses. 

The cat jumped away as Daniel and Johnny moved towards each other on the sofa, the food and music forgotten. They put their hands on each other with urgency, as if trying to make up for lost time. Johnny laid Daniel back on the sofa and started to kiss his neck, running his hands down Daniel’s body. Daniel gripped Johnny’s hair, tipping his head back to give Johnny access to his neck. He moaned as Johnny started to unbutton Daniel’s shirt and started to kiss his chest. Daniel pulled on Johnny’s t-shirt, pulling it over his head.

Daniel started at the ceiling, breathing heavily as he felt Johnny pulling his pants and underwear down, and felt the man’s mouth on him. He was so turned on; he wasn’t going to last.

‘No, Johnny’ He looked down at Johnny. ‘Not like that’ 

Johnny moved up to him, kissed him on the mouth. ‘What do you want?’ he said softly.

‘Make love to me’ he said.

Johnny smiled and kissed him. Johnny got up, stood over Daniel, looking down at the naked man on his sofa. He pulled the remainder of his clothes off and climbed onto the sofa with Daniel. Johnny kissed Daniel, ran his hand through Daniel’s dark hair. He looked at his pale skin against Daniel’s dark hair, thought about the men he had been with in the past, all those olive skinned men he found himself attracted to. Finally, he had the real thing.

**********************

Daniel woke to see the sun coming through the window. He looked down the bed. There was a black cat watching him. Daniel looked at the cat, who looked at him back. He got the feeling the cat didn’t like him, knew what he was about to do. As Daniel quietly got up, careful not to wake the blond man next to him, the cat’s eyes followed him across the room. She growled at him as he left the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

Daniel collected his clothes, pulled them on and made his way to the door. His flight was at 11am and he didn’t think he could handle a goodbye. He knew it was cowardly, felt bad, but the alternative conversation was something he couldn't face. He did what Johnny had done all those years ago, slipped away while the other slept.

************************

Three weeks later, Johnny was sat at his kitchen counter, looking through his mail. He opened a red envelope and looked at the Christmas image on the card, simple and stylish. He opened the card.

_To Johnny_

_I’m sorry._

_Happy Christmas._

_All my love,_

_Daniel_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two make bad choices when it comes to each other and protect themselves and each other from their own feelings, while not realising they are hurting each other in doing so. Hopefully they will realise it soon.
> 
> Just a couple of notes on this chapter and the martial arts mentioned. In the 80s pretty much everything was called Karate (Miyagi style karate probably being Goju-Ryu and Cobra Kai karate most likely being something more akin to the Korean art Tang Soo Do). I liked the idea of Johnny taking up martial arts again and I was cheeky and gave him my two disciplines. I had the same disagreements with my instructors when I studied both taekwondo and Jiu Jitsu, but I like to think they complement each other, and I also just do them just for fun. 
> 
> Regarding the black belts. Kreese got Johnny to a black belt in under 5 years for him to be 12 when he started and then competing at 17, which is super-fast, and I imagine the reason is because Kreese saw Johnny potential to win and wanted him competing. Black belts usually take between 7-9 years and I don’t overly trust dojos that rush students to black. I like to think of an older Johnny taking his time and enjoying the training, rather than rushing to a black belt.
> 
> Also, if anyone has been inspired to take up a martial art by CK or the KK and is still on the fence about it, I urge you to do it. It is such fun, great exercise, it’s really hard and you won’t get anywhere near as good as quickly as the kids in the movies/tv show but you won’t regret it :) 
> 
> I was listening to Van Halen’s ‘Balance’ as I wrote this and realised it was released the same year this chapter is set :)
> 
> When I think of 90s Johnny, I imagine what he looked like in Shootfighter. With Daniel I think of My Cousin Vinnie, which is a little earlier, more like 1992, but given that man never ages, 3 years isn’t going to make much difference!


	3. 2001

Johnny woke up. Shit, what time was it? He looked round at the clock. He didn’t have to be on shift for thirty minutes. He hated the nights where he had to sleep at work. The bed was lumpy, and he never slept right. They always needed two people on site, one working the night shift and the other sleeping there who could be woken in the case of an emergency. This was Johnny’s night to sleep at work. He did it once a week. He would prefer to just work the night shift. At least that way he could go home afterwards. Right now, he was waking up to another eight hour shift.

Johnny rolled over and got up with a sigh. Johnny staggered into the shower. He turned the water on cold in the hope of waking himself up.

He got dressed and opened the door. The bright lights of the hallway made Johnny squint. He walked across the hall to the small kitchen and poured himself some coffee.

‘Morning Johnny’ a cheerful voice called to him. Johnny didn’t respond or look round, just raised his arm in greeting. 

Johnny walked down to the communal area. He was working at an assisted living facility, helping to provide care to the residents. He enjoyed the work well enough and the residents were friendly. It was the management who pissed him off.

Johnny went over to the desk, looked at the list of duties and notes the night staff had left. The kitchen floor needed mopping, some bed clothes needed to be put in the drier and nursing supplies needed to be ordered. There was a request for Johnny to take care of these on his shift.

‘Fucks sake’ he muttered to himself. What were the fucking night shift doing for eight hours? Sitting on their fat ass watching TV by the looks of it. He drank his coffee as he looked through the notes. One of the residents needed to be taken to the doctors and another needed some new clothes. More tasks for him.

‘Morning Johnny’ a voice behind. It was Clare, his colleague, joining him for the morning shift. She was bright and bubbly as usual.

‘Have you seen this fucking thing?' Johnny grumbled.

Clare laughed. She was used to Johnny on a Thursday morning after he had spent the night at the home. He was always grouchy. ‘I haven’t even looked at it yet. But nice to see you too’

‘Yeah. Sorry, Clare. How’re the kids?’ Johnny said, smiling.

'They’re OK. Giving me the run-around this morning. How hard is it for eight year olds to get their shoes on?’ She peered at the diary over his shoulder. 

‘You take the guys out and I’ll get that other shit done. How does that sound?’

Johnny smiled. ‘Clare, you’re a wonder’ He turned and started moving down the hall. He knew who would need help getting ready for their day and who could manage themselves. He knocked on the door to one of the rooms.

‘Come in’ 

He opened the door and walked into the room. There was an elderly woman sitting up in bed smiling brightly at him.

‘Morning Mrs Hughes. Are you ready to get up?' He asked.

'Yes please, John'

He smiled as he opened the curtains. He had told her so many times. 

'Johnny is fine, Mrs Hughes' 

The women dismissed him with a wave of her hand. 'No grown man should go by the name Johnny. Makes you sound like you're ten. John is a grown man's name''

They had this conversation about once a week. 'I like Johnny, Mrs Hughes. It's my name'

'Hmmm. Suit yourself’

Johnny put his arm around the woman and helped her off the bed. He passed her a walker and went into the bathroom, starting to run a bath.

'I do love Thursdays,' she said as she walked slowly into the bathroom. 

Johnny felt the temperature of the water. He looked round. 'Oh yeah. Why's that?'

She smiled. 'I get to have a bath with a good-looking young man. I someone had told me that, I would have moved in here years ago' She winked at him.

****************

At 3pm Johnny's shift was coming to an end and he was finishing up as quickly as possible. He had been at work for over twenty-four hours and was desperate to get away.

Johnny threw his bag over his shoulder and was heading towards the door when his boss stuck her head around her office door.

'Johnny, can I ask you a favour?'

Johnny stepped and sighed. He turned. 'That depends on what it is' 

She smiled at him. 'I had someone on shift tomorrow morning, but they have called in sick'

'And you want me to cover. But I am on in the evening so you hope that I will also do another double shift?’ Johnny had heard this before, knew exactly what she had planned.

'If you wouldn't mind. Please. I would ask the others, but they have…' She paused. 'Would you''

Johnny knew what she was about to say. They have family commitments. He knew that it wasn't lost on his boss that a single man with no family would be a safe bet for extra shifts. 

'Fine. OK. But I want the weekend off' he said.

'Consider it done' she stopped. 'But you'll still do Sunday night, right? I don't think I can find someone to cover with such shorter notice' 

'Fine, fine' Johnny responded. I could do with the money, he thought. 'Now can I go, before you ask me for anything else?'

'Yes, of course. Have a good evening. See you tomorrow. And thanks again'

Johnny walked out and down the front stairs. He climbed onto his motorbike and pulled out into the New York traffic. 

Forty-five minutes later he pulled up outside his apartment building in the Bronx. He ran up the staircase to a third-floor apartment, knocked on the door.

A woman opened it. 'Hey Johnny. How was work?'

'It was fine. Was he well behaved?' Johnny heard nails on the wooden floor as a scruffy brown dog scampered towards them, skidded into Johnny's legs. 

'Hey boy, you miss me?' He picked the dog up and held him under his arm.

'He was a menace as usual' the woman said, laughing as the dog licked Johnny's face.

'Thanks for taking him. I have a double shift tomorrow. Would you mind?'

'Of course. He's always welcome' the women stroked the dogs head.

'Thank you' Johnny looked down at the dog. 'Come on. Let's get you out for a walk'

He started up the staircase to his apartment on the fourth floor. As he stepped through his front door, he stopped dead. There was someone in his apartment. 

The man turned to him and Johnny stepped back in shock. 

'So, this is where you live, huh. It's not as bad as I expected I admit, but my hopes weren't exactly high'

Sid was in his apartment. Johnny hadn't seen him in sixteen years, not since that day on the steps of Fairford House. He was older but still as imposing as he always was. Sid had a way of filling a room, taking up space, making everyone else feel small. 

Johnny put the dog on the floor, who ran into the other room. Johnny watched the dog run away. Smart boy, he thought. 

He looked up at Sid. 'What the hell are you doing in my apartment, Sid? How did you even get in here?' He took his jacket off, threw it on a chair, turning his back on Sid. As he did, he closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to calm his nerves. 

'Your landlord gave me a key. Told him I was family' Sid smiled smugly.

'Of course, he did. Stupid prick' Johnny muttered. Johnny turned back to Sid. 'Get out, Sid. I don't know why you are here, and I don't care. Just get out' 

'I am not here for a social visit. You think I'm happy to have to travel across the country to talk to my fucking loser stepson'

Johnny could feel his temper flaring up. 'And I don't want you here, so just get the fuck out'

'I'm not going anywhere' Sid sat down on the sofa. 'I want to talk'

'Yeah, what about?' Johnny said angrily. He folded his arms across his chest.

'It's about your mother. She's sick. Really sick. She wants to see you; Christ only knows why. You know women. Sentimental'

Johnny leaned against the wall. 'How sick?'

'Not gonna make it sick. Couple of months. The pissant doctors can never give a straight answer. All I know for sure is that it's cancer, she's dying, and she wants to see the ungrateful brat who left years ago. I said that nothing good will come from it, bringing you back into our lives, but she insisted. So here I am. I'm taking you back to California so you can be a good fucking boy and visit your dying mother'

'You can't just order me back. I have work. I'm due on shift tomorrow' Johnny protested. 

Johnny surprised himself to how numb he was to the news of his mother. He had lived away for so long he now considered himself as someone with no family, no connections. Not someone with a sick mother who needed visiting. 

'Yeah, right. Work' Sid said sarcastically. 'Working as a nurse, wiping old people's asses. I should have known you would end up doing woman's work. So, you’re still a queer, I take it?' Sid asked nastily. 

'Get the hell out, Sid! I'm sorry to hear about Mum but I'm not coming. Tell her I love her, but she made her decision years ago when she let you send me away' 

Sid suddenly jumped out of his seat and crossed the small room in two strides. He grabbed hold of Johnny's shirt collar with one hand and put his other hand on Johnny's neck, squeezing his windpipe. He slammed Johnny against the wall and leaned close to his face.

'Now you listen to me, you little cunt' he hissed into Johnny's face. 'Your mother is a fucking angel and you broke her heart when you ran away. You were an ungrateful little shit when you were a kid and you've never changed' 

Johnny stared into his stepfather's eyes. His martial arts training had taught him about a hundred different ways to get out of Sid's grasp, but Johnny froze, just like he did as a child under the weight of that stare. 

'So if that women wants to see her son on her fucking death bed, you will go into that room, get a fucking bag, pack some clothes, get rid of that fucking mutt and get on a plane. And if you say anything to upset her, I swear to god I will break your fucking legs. You understand me!' He slammed Johnny's head against the wall. 

Johnny nodded quickly, didn't know any other way to respond.

'Sorry, what was that? I didn't hear you' Sid said, leaning in closer. 

'Yes, sir' Johnny said quietly, his voice shaking.

'That's a good boy. Now go and pack. Our flight leaves in three hours'

Sid let go of Johnny with a final shove into the wall, turned and sat back down. 

Johnny walked slowly into the bedroom. The dog was laying on the bed, looking up at Johnny as he entered the room. Johnny sat on the bed, pulled the dog onto his lap, and held him close. 

**********************

The hospital looked more like a hotel than any hospital Johnny had ever been in before. He walked down the corridor. Sid was on his heels, barking orders.

'You do not mention that boy, you hear me. This is not an opportunity to clear your conscience, exorcise any fucking demons, say anything you have been waiting to say to her, you hear me. You keep that shit to yourself. I don’t want you to even speak unless it is to tell her you love her and ask how she is, you understand'

Johnny turned to Sid angrily. 'I get it. Jesus. Get off my fucking back, you old bastard'

Sid pointed his finger in Johnny's face. 'I'm warning you, boy. You are not too old for me to lay you out right here.'

'I won't say anything to upset her'

'You see you don't' 

Johnny turned and walked towards the hospital room. He looked through the window. His mother was sitting up in bed, reading a book. He watched her. She looked the same, still blonde, a few more lines. She was thinner, he could see dark circles under her eyes. She was still as beautiful as he remembered her. Johnny swallowed the painful lump in this throat and pushed the door open.

She looked up. A smile broke out. 'Johnny' 

'Hi Mum'. He walked over to the bed.

His mother held her arms out to him. She took hold of him and looked at him. 'My beautiful boy. I can't believe it's you. That you came'

'Of course, I did, Mum' Johnny smiled back at his mother. He felt tears in his eyes. He realised just how much he had missed her, how much he loved her despite all the anger.

'You look exactly the same. Those baby blue eyes' She pulled him close, resting her head on Johnny's shoulder. 'I missed you so much'

'I missed you too, Mum' he pulled away and sat on the chair next to her bed. He took hold of his mother's hand.

'How have you been? How’s New York?' She asked.

'I've been good, Mum. Life's been good' 

'Anyone special in your life? A girlfriend?' She hesitated, bit her lip. 'Boyfriend? 

Johnny looked at his hands. 'No, no one special'

They sat in silence for a while.

'Johnny...I…' she started.

'No, Mum. Not now' he interrupted. Johnny didn't want to go through all that shit with her. He wasn't here for apologies or to dredge up the past, he told himself. 

'Yes, Johnny. I'm dying, you know that?' She said squeezing his hands.

'I know, Mum'

'Then you know that I need to tell you now, before I don't have the chance. I'm sorry. For everything'

'Mum….'

'No, let your mother talk. I have wanted to say this for years' She took a deep breath. 'I'm sorry, for it all. I'm sorry for not being stronger for you, when you needed me to be. A mother's job is to protect their child and I failed you. I'm sorry. I always loved you. You deserved better'

Johnny started to cry, resting his head on his mother's shoulder. She stroked his hair. Johnny looked up, wiped his eyes with his sleeves.

'It's OK, Mum. It was a long time ago' he said. 'I don't blame you for any of it. I’m happy, I really am. I have a good life'

**********************

Johnny needed a drink. He never needed a drink. He could remember the number of drinks he had drunk in the last ten years on one hand. A glass of champagne at New Years, a shot of whisky once as a dare. Johnny was not a drinker. It had always set him apart from the others in the bars he frequented. His friends had long got used to their tee-total buddy. 

Johnny had had a bad spell when he was first in New York, back when he was just a kid with nowhere to go. He had drunk away his feelings, the pain, finally almost getting himself killed in a drunken street fight, too drunk to defend himself He had decided as he lay in a hospital bed that it was best to stay away from alcohol. 

But tonight, after that trip to the hospital to see his dying mother, he couldn't think of anything he wanted more than to drown his feelings in booze.

Johnny stepped into the bar across the road from his hotel. It was dark and busy, just how he liked them. Johnny ordered himself a beer, didn't care what. He looked at the bottle of Coors, started to drink. It went down like water.

'Another' he said to the barman.

Johnny held his beer and started to walk around. He wanted a drink and he wanted to fuck someone. Anyone. Wanted to burn up the nervous energy coursing through his veins. 

Johnny looked over to the dancefloor at the back of the bar. He made his way over, noticed a group of women. Johnny downed his beer and placed the bottle on the table.

**********************

Johnny woke up and opened his eyes. He winced in pain, put a hand to his head and he rolled over. He had a terrible headache, his mouth felt dry and his stomach rolled as he moved. 

He sat on the edge of the bed and looked round at the women lying next to him, still asleep. He had no idea what her name was. The night was a blur and he put his head into his hands as pieces of it came back to him. He remembered being at the bar, dancing and drinking with a woman. The next thing he remembered was an argument outside the bar. He remembered being outside, falling onto the tarmac and laughing. He remembered drinking more back at hers. He remembered the sex; frantic, lacking any real passion. He remembered her getting angry about something, pushing him away from her violently, but couldn’t remember why. He had to get out of here before she woke and reminded him what he had done to piss her off.

Johnny got up and found his clothes. He closed the bedroom door, crossed the room to the kitchen and drank a glass of water. Johnny left, quietly closing the door behind him. 

Johnny squinted in the California sun. He had no idea where he was. He looked around, flagged down a cab. He climbed in and gave the driver the address of his hotel. He settled into the back seat.

‘I hate to see what the other guy looks like’ a voice said.

Johnny looked up. The driver was looking at him in his mirror. ‘What?’

‘The other guy. I hope you got a shot of your own in’ The driver laughed and went back to looking at the road.

Johnny put his hand to his face. Shit. He felt his swollen eye. Who had hit him? Images of a fight in the street started to come to him. Someone shouting and Johnny being on the floor.

Johnny got back to his hotel and looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. Yep, he thought. Someone had definitely hit him. He had a bruise on his eye that was a nasty shade of purple. He looked at his hands and noticed his palms were grazed and had been bleeding, as if he had broken a fall with them. Johnny pulled his clothes off and climbed into the shower. 

Once showered he started to feel a little better. Fuck California, he thought. His flight back to New York was tomorrow and he couldn’t wait to get home. Nothing good ever came from coming back to LA. 

Johnny thought back to the meeting with his mother at the hospital. He couldn’t find it in himself to be angry at her anymore. What was the point in being angry at a dying woman? But he had lied to her about being happy. 

When Johnny had been younger, sleeping around had made him feel satisfied, in control. Johnny would never be able to estimate the number of strangers he had slept with over the years. He enjoyed moving from person to person, getting what he needed, taking what he wanted from people while giving little in return. The euphoria of orgasm always gave his brain the feeling of peace he craved. Fucking gave Johnny the feeling of power he lacked in his own life.

As he got older it all just made him feel really goddamn lonely. 

Johnny had never had a relationship that lasted longer than it took him to cum. Not since he was seventeen and Daniel had ripped his heart out. Johnny had opened himself up a second time to Daniel, for Daniel to have just vanished while Johnny slept. He had promised himself long ago that he would never get close enough to anyone to let that happen again. 

Johnny remembered sitting in that therapy room all those years ago being told there was something wrong with him and he had begun to believe they were right. Johnny had long suspected that he was missing something, like he was empty, as if something were dead inside him. Johnny wasn’t going to let anyone get close enough to discover that for themselves and reject him, just like Daniel did.

Johnny sighed and climbed into bed, hoping to sleep off the rest of his hangover. 

***************************

Johnny walked through Central Park, his dog at his side. He crouched down and unhooked the leash. ‘There you go, boy. Go and chase some pigeons’ He sat on the bench, watched as the small brown dog ran around the grass. He picked up a ball and threw it, laughed as the dog jumped and failed to catch it.

He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He looked down at the screen. A California area number. He started at it, watching it ring. He didn’t know the number. Johnny didn’t trust it. Nothing good ever came from that part of the country. 

Johnny ignored it and put the phone back in his pocket. Whoever if was would call back and Johnny would decide then whether he was up for dealing with whoever was on the end of the line.

A small brown head nudged his knee. He looked down, took the ball, and threw it again.

Later that night his phone rang again. He was sitting at his kitchen counter nursing a bottle of beer. He hesitated and answered.

‘Yeah’ he said.

A woman’s voice he didn’t recognise came through. ‘Is this Johnny?’

‘Yeah. Who’s this’

‘It’s Shannon’ the voice said

‘Who? I don’t know any Shannon’ he answered.

‘We met at the bar. You spent the evening at mine’ she said

That didn’t narrow it down at all. ‘Sorry, lady. You are going to need to be more specific. I spend a lot of evenings at a lot of women’s apartments.’ He said smugly. Johnny knew he was being a prick and didn’t care. 

‘Right. OK, well how about this for specifics. You got decked by a security guard and then fucked me without a condom, you stupid prick’

That got Johnny’s attention. He sat up straighter. ‘What did you say your name was?’

‘Shannon. I want to talk to you. I’m fucking pregnant and I want to know what you intend to do about it’

‘Oh shit. Uh. Shannon in LA right?’ he asked, stupidly.

‘Yeah, in LA. Where the fuck do you think?’

‘Shit’ he said. ‘And you’re sure you're pregnant?’ 

She sighed down the phone. ‘Yeah. Just got that confirmed by the doctor’

‘And what makes you think it’s mine?’ Johnny asked. He winced as he said it, knew how it would sound.

‘Fuck you, Johnny. I know it’s fucking yours, OK. I told you to use a fucking condom and you said you would and then you didn’t, you fucking asshole. This is what happens’ she shouted down the phone at him.

He put his head in his hands. Now he remembered what she had been so angry about that night. Fuck. 

‘OK, OK. I’m sorry. What do you want to do about it?’ he asked. ‘I mean, are you gonna keep it?’

She went silent for a moment ‘I haven’t decided’ she replied, quietly.

Johnny sighed. ‘OK. Look, I’m in New York but I can try and get back to LA next week. We can talk’

‘Alright'

‘Look, I’m sorry OK. Sorry for being an asshole. And I’m really fucking sorry about that night. I was going through some stuff and shouldn’t have drunk so much’

‘I don’t want your sob story. Just get on a plane’ She hung up on him. 

Johnny looked down at his phone. He clenched the phone in his fist and threw it at the wall of his apartment. 

***********************

'What?! What do you want me to do, Shannon?! I can't afford a bigger apartment. I can hardly afford the rent on the one I have!' Johnny shouted.

'Well figure something out. If you want to see this kid, then it has to have somewhere to sleep' Shannon shouted back. 

Johnny breathed, tried to calm down. 'I don't know. He can sleep in here while I figure something out. Just stop. It's not good for you, all this shouting. The doctor said you should watch your blood pressure' He pulled her into his arms, and she started to cry. He stroked her hair. 'It's OK. We'll figure it out'

'I'm just so fucking scared, Johnny' she said into his chest.

'It's nothing to be scared of' he said softly. 'We'll deal with it'

'Yeah, right. You're only saying that because you don't have to squeeze this thing out. It's gonna really fucking hurt'

'I'll be there with you, I promise' He took her chin gently and tipped her head back, so she was looking at him. 'If it makes you feel better, you can kick me in the balls. Make us even'

She snorted with laughter. 'Don't make promises to a pregnant woman. She may take you up on it'

He laughed and kissed her head. 'It'll be OK. I won't let either of you down. You have my word'

**********************

Johnny had been back in California for two months. It had been hard making the move again after so many years, but he had got on with it, tried not to think about it too much. Part of him had always known that he would end up coming back.

Shannon was four months pregnant and their relationship was becoming more fraught, sometimes they were friendly, almost as if there were some real feelings there. Most of the time, they would just scream at each other. 

Johnny had found an apartment in Northridge. It was small, had been pretty shitty when he arrived but he was trying to tidy it up, making it suitable for a kid. He didn't have much experience with handiwork but was learning as he went. It was just about following instructions and measuring everything twice. Johnny was finding he had a knack for it. 

The hardest part of the move to California had been giving up his beloved dog. Finding a rental in his price range that allowed pets had proved impossible and eventually he had come to terms with the fact that his dog needed a family who could give him the home he deserved, space to run, rather than a cramped apartment. It had crushed Johnny the day he had taken the dog to the shelter. He had cried like a baby in the shelter parking lot until a member of their staff had been forced to come out to check on him.

His mother was still in hospital; had been for months. The doctors thought it was better just to keep her there so she could be constantly observed and treated. Johnny couldn't help but think they would be happier to send her home if Sid's pockets hadn't been quite as deep. 

Johnny visited once a week. He was enjoying spending time with his mother and was learning to forgive her. He didn't blame her for what happened, not really. She had been as much a victim of Sid’s as him. Neither of them had ever been able to fight Sid. He had worn them both down. In a way Johnny was the lucky one for having escaped when he did.

2001 turned into 2002 and Shannon was getting bigger. As she got closer to her due date any fantasy that the two of them would ever have a relationship disappeared. Johnny had nursed the notion for a while, but it just wasn't going to happen.

If he was honest, Johnny was not ready to be a father. He looked back at his younger life, his own search for a father figure. An abusive stepfather replaced by an abusive Sensei. All the male authority figures in Johnny’s life had hurt him in some way or another. Johnny had no idea what a real father looked like. All he could do was try not fuck the kid up too much. 

Johnny dreaded the thought that his kid would see through him, see that he had nothing to offer, grow to hate him, just as Johnny had hated Sid. And he was fucking terrified that he would eventually himself become an abusive father, it being all he knew.

Johnny's mother had given him her beloved car, a red 1991 Pontiac Firebird. He hadn’t had a car in years, had relied on his bike and public transport in New York, but he found he enjoyed cruising around LA in it. It was a nice car; had been well looked after.

Johnny was doing odd jobs as a labourer and had been at work the day Sid had called him.

'She's gone. This morning' That was all Sid had said to him before hanging up. 

Johnny had stood there, staring at his phone. His mother was dead. The only person in the world who had ever loved him. Johnny had walked off the site without a word to anyone. He drove home, spent the rest of the day drinking beer alone. And the next day. And the day after that. Johnny only left the apartment to restock his fridge.

The funeral was three days away. Johnny didn't know how he was going to get through it. He got himself a cheap black suit but spent the days in a drunken haze. Johnny remembered now why alcohol had been such a comfort to him once. It numbed him. 

Shannon had called. She had hospital appointments as she got closer to her due date. She was nervous ahead of the birth, had had some medical issues during her pregnancy and wanted him there. Johnny had eventually just stopped answering the phone, couldn't stand anymore to hear the disappointment in her voice upon hearing his slurred excuses.

The day of his mother’s funeral came round. Johnny's hands shook as he fiddled with his tie in front of the mirror. He reached over and picked up a beer, downing half the bottle. 

Johnny climbed into his mother's car and turned the key in the ignition. He knew he was too drunk to drive but didn't care. 

He pulled into the parking lot of the chapel. Johnny could see there were already a lot of people there. He sighed and climbed out. He already wished he could have brought a drink with him. 

The room was hot, the heating system blowing hot air into the room, sweating bodies filling the room. The smell of the flowers permeated the room. Johnny started to feel sick. He didn't know if he would make it through the service without either throwing up or passing out.

Johnny could feel eyes on him as he took his seat at the front of the chapel. Sid was sitting across the aisle, the two men ignoring each other. 

The service started, the minister giving a sermon. Johnny looked at his hands. His stomach was rolling. He was numb. His eyes were dry. Johnny was just trying to get through it so he could leave and have a drink. He wanted to erase this day from his mind and knew that alcohol could do that.

The service ended and everyone started to move towards the door. There would be a wake back at Sid's house. Johnny would not be attending. 

Johnny stood outside in the sun. A few people spoke to him, expressing their sympathies and best wishes. Johnny muttered thanks to them.

He was about to leave when he felt someone behind him. He turned and Sid was standing in front of him. Johnny could see the grief in the man's eyes.

'I see you were able to stay awake long enough to sit through my wife's funeral' Sid said to him.

'She was my mother long before you came along'

Sid stepped close to him.

'It should be you in that box, not her. Why did she have to die but you are still here?' he hissed into Johnny’s face.

'Fuck off, Sid. Not today' Johnny started to turn away.

Sid held Johnny’s arm and pointed his finger into Johnny's chest. 

'You were always a disappointment to her, you know. At least now she's dead she won't have to watch you fuck up your life anymore'

Sid let go of Johnny’s arm, turned his back, and started to walk away.

Johnny looked at the old man's back. Thought back to the years in Sid's house. The violence, the threats; threats to Johnny, threats to his mother. Johnny always knew that Sid had been violent with his mother. His mother just became better at hiding it as he got older, got old enough to attempt to defend her. She hid it to protect Johnny from her husband's fists. 

Johnny was suddenly overcome with rage at the memories. His beautiful mother, now dead, a victim of that man's violence.

Johnny lunged at his stepfather. He heard someone shout as he threw the old man to the floor. He wrapped his fingers around Sid's throat and started to squeeze. Sid punched him but Johnny didn't react, hardly feeling it through his rage. 

Years of anger flowed through him as he crushed the old man's windpipe. Johnny could see the panic in Sid's eyes and Johnny smiled down at him as he squeezed harder. He hoped the man was scared. Johnny wanted him to know what it was like to be afraid.

Sid's eyes started to flutter closed when Johnny felt someone grab hold of him and pull him away. Johnny struggled against them and felt a second person take hold of his arms.

'Let go of him, Johnny' 

Johnny looked round, into the eyes of his old friend.

'You're killing him, Johnny. Let go. Please' Bobby said gently.

Johnny released his grip and Sid breathed heavily. Bobby put his arm around Johnny and started to lead him away. 

'You're a fucking psycho!' Sid shouted, staggering to his feet, hand clutching his throat. 'I always knew there was something wrong with you, boy. They should fucking lock you up!'

'Leave it, man' Johnny heard a voice say. He sensed a second man at his side. He leaned on Bobby, let Bobby hold him. Johnny didn't know when he had started to cry. He felt someone wrap an arm around his waist.

Johnny turned. Familiar brown eyes looked at him. 'Daniel' he choked through his tears. 'What the hell are you doing here?'

'Let's not get into that now' Bobby said. 'Let's just get you out of here'

Johnny nodded, let the two men support him towards Bobby’s car. The crowd of people who had witnessed the fight watched the three men walk away. 

Bobby unlocked the door of Johnny’s apartment and they led Johnny inside. Bobby took a sharp intake of breath when he saw the chaos. There were empty alcohol bottles everywhere, clothes on the floor. The kitchen was a mess. Johnny walked like a zombie through the apartment and into his bedroom.

Daniel followed them in, taking in his surroundings. Bobby turned to Daniel. ‘I’m going to sit with Johnny. Would you mind tidying up a bit? He can’t live like this’

‘Sure’ Daniel made his way to the kitchen and started opening drawers until he found trash bags. He started to walk around the living room, collecting bottles. Daniel turned to the kitchen and started to fill the sink with hot, soapy water. He collected up the crockery and cutlery and put everything in to soak. 

Daniel sighed and sat on the sofa. When he had found out about the death of Laura, he knew he had to attend the funeral but was fully aware that Johnny would be there. He hoped to be able to avoid him, had stayed at the back of the chapel. When he had seen Johnny attack Sid he hadn’t thought before he had stepped in. 

Explaining to his new wife the need to go to the funeral of a woman he hadn’t seen in seventeen years was difficult. He thought back to that day all those years ago when Laura had turned up on his doorstep, distressed, looking for her son. Daniel hadn’t been able to help. Johnny had left the apartment two days earlier and Daniel didn’t know where he planned to go. He suspected New York and told her so but couldn’t be more specific. If he were honest, Daniel hadn’t been inclined to help Johnny’s mother. After what Johnny had told him, about that place they sent him to, the younger version of himself had felt that she didn’t deserve to know where Johnny had gone. It was only when Lucille had stepped in, a mother herself, that Laura received any kind of comfort. It was only now, years later, as he planned for a family of his own, that he felt any sympathy for the woman.

In the bedroom Bobby and Johnny sat on the bed. ‘I’m so sorry about your mother, Johnny.’ Bobby started.

‘Thanks, man’ Johnny responded, looking at his hands. ‘And thanks for stopping me back there. I didn’t really know what I was doing

‘He isn’t worth ruining your life for’

Johnny snorted. ‘Some life’

‘What’s going on with you, Johnny? Last time I saw you, you seemed well. Like things were OK’ Bobby asked. 

‘Oh fuck, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just getting older, having a kid. I’m not handling it well’ he confessed. 

‘You’re drinking, Johnny. You never drank. When did that start?’

Johnny shrugged. ‘I don’t know. It just happened and I don't seem to be able to stop’ He paused. ‘Hey, can I ask you something, man? Your bible, all that shit you preach. Does it say anything about people being born with, like, a bit missing?’

Bobby looked at him. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I don’t know. Like there is something wrong with some people? They don’t have...what everyone else has? Like they’re empty inside?’ Johnny asked.

‘You mean like a soul?’ 

‘Yeah, whatever people call it? I just feel so fucking empty. Like I'm…. I don't know…. broken somehow'

Bobby thought. ‘No, I don’t think that people are born empty. I think shit happens to them and they protect themselves by becoming numb to things. I think that people do it for so many years that they forget what it’s like to feel things’

‘Hmmm’ Johnny responded.

Bobby turned towards his friend. ‘I think that you have been through some shit, Johnny. More than most people. I think you have spent so many years trying to bury it rather than deal with it. Look at your relationship with that guy out there’

Johnny looked up at the door. ‘Is he still here?’

‘Yeah, he’s in the other room. About what happened with you two all those years ago, he moved on, you didn’t. You need to move forward’

Johnny laughed bitterly. ‘Yeah, easy to move on when you didn’t feel anything in the first place’

‘Do you really think that was the case?’ Bobby said gently. 

‘I don’t know anymore' Jonny confessed, speaking quietly

Bobby got up. ‘Look, are you going to be alright? Sorry to leave but I need to get off. I’ll leave you two to talk’

Johnny stood. ‘Yeah, I’m OK. Thanks for today, for being there for me’

Bobby hugged Johnny. ‘Anytime. Go and talk to Daniel’

‘Yeah, I will’ They started to leave the room

Bobby stopped. ‘And don’t just sleep with him’

Johnny stared at him for a moment. ‘What!? Where did that come from?’ he said, his voice shocked.

‘I know you, Johnny’ Bobby said. ‘And I know why you do it, the sex, I see it all the time. But it’s not good for you.

Johnny smiled sadly. ‘OK, I promise’ He held his hand up. ’Scouts honour’.

They left the room and found Daniel sat on the sofa flicking through a TV guide. He jumped up as they entered the room. Johnny didn't look at him, went to the kitchen and took a beer out of the fridge. He looked around the room.

‘Thanks for…. uh…. cleaning up’ He ran his hands through his hair. Johnny was nervous.

‘It was no problem,’ Daniel replied.

Bobby looked at Daniel and Johnny. ‘Right, I am going to leave you two. Let you catch up. To talk’ He looked pointedly at Johnny. 

‘Yeah, thanks man. I call you later OK’

Bobby looked at Daniel. ‘Good to see you again’

‘Yeah, you too’

Bobby left the two of them, closing the apartment door behind him. Daniel sat back on the sofa, looking at the far wall. Johnny stood in the kitchen, drinking his beer. There was an awkward silence.

‘So…. uh…’Johnny started.

‘I’m sorry, Johnny. I can’t do this’ Daniel interrupted. He stood up.

‘What?’ Johnny said, confused.

‘I can’t do this. Not again. I’m sorry for what happened in New York, for leaving like I did, but I’m married now’ Daniel was talking fast. He looked at Johnny. ‘We need to move on. I need to be able to move on from you’

Johnny didn’t know what to say. When Daniel had appeared at the funeral, Johnny had thought…… I was obviously wrong, he thought. Johnny looked at his hands, his gaze hardened, and he looked up at Daniel.

‘That’s fine with me, man. I didn’t want to talk anyway. It was Bobby who said we should air shit out’ 

‘There is nothing to discuss. Let’s just leave all that in the past. Look, let me give you my number OK. We can stay friends’ Daniel took his card from his pocket, put it on the table. 

‘I don’t want your friendship’ Johnny said, drinking his beer.

‘OK, Johnny. That’s fine’ Daniel said.

‘Just leave’ Johnny said. 

Daniel nodded. ‘I think that’s best’ He started towards the door.

‘Hey, man’ Johnny said. ‘Before you go, just answer me this and I promise I won’t bother you again’

Daniel sighed impatiently. ‘What is it, Johnny? I need to get home to my wife’ 

‘If things hadn’t gone down as they did. If I had stayed all those years ago, hadn’t been sent away. Would you and I have worked out? I mean, do you think we had a shot?’

‘I don’t know, Johnny. Maybe. Who knows? Who even cares anymore? The past is what it is’

Johnny looked down and nodded. Johnny stepped towards Daniel, closing the space between them. Daniel looked up at him. 

‘What are you doing, Johnny?’ Daniel asked softly.

‘Just please let me’ he leant forward and kissed Daniel softly.

Daniel started to kiss him back. He suddenly stopped and put his hands on Johnny’s chest, pushing him away. ‘Stop it, Johnny. Just stop it’

Johnny stopped back, ashamed. ‘I’m sorry’

‘You can’t do that to me. I’m leaving, OK’ The door closed behind him.

Johnny stood for a moment, looking around the empty apartment. He picked up the bottle and downed the remaining liquid in one gulp. Johnny reached into the fridge and took out another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagined Johnny’s dog as a Border Terrier. Small enough for an apartment but scruffy with lots of character.
> 
> You may also notice that I uploaded the wrong chapter earlier. Sorry about that. And thank you to the reader, Asio7 who pointed it out to me. Sorry for the confusion, And sorry to that reader, I had to delete the chapter in order to fix and the comment got deleted as well.


	4. 2010

‘Dad!’

‘Hey, kid. How was school?’

The boy threw his arms around his dad’s waist. ‘It was great. I made the soccer team!’ The boy said with excitement, looking up at him. 

‘Of course, you did. You’re the best soccer player I know. You always beat me’

‘But that’s because you are terrible. You’re too old for soccer’

He laughed. ‘Hey, I’m not that old. Not too old to do this’ He picked the boy up and threw him over his shoulder, started to carry him. 

Robby screamed with laughter. ‘Let me go, Dad!’

‘I’m sorry. You’ll have to speak up. My old ears are a little bit deaf’ he shouted over the boy's laughter.

‘Let me down’ Robby kicked his legs, connecting with Johnny’s chest.

‘Oh OK. I’m letting you down’ he put Robby on the floor and rubbed his chest. ‘That’s quite a kick you’ve got there’.

‘Hi Johnny’

Johnny looked up at the women in front of him. ‘Oh, hi Shannon. How’s things?’

‘There’re OK’ She looked at Robby. ‘Go get in the car, Robby’

‘OK, Mum. Bye Dad’ Robby ran to the car.

She turned to Johnny. ‘You can’t just show up like this, Johnny’ Shannon said, hands on hips.

‘Why not? He’s my kid’

She sighed. ‘You don’t not show up for weeks and then arrive out of nowhere. He needs a routine. It’s not good for him’

He ran his hands in his hair. ‘I know. Look, I’m sorry. My shifts have been all over the place at the moment and I never know when I am going to be free. I didn’t think. I’m sorry’

Shannon looked at Johnny sadly. ‘You never think about him, that’s your problem. You only ever think about what you want’

‘That’s not fair. I’m trying’ Johnny protested. He looked across to the car, at Robby, who waved at him through the window. Johnny waved back.

Shannon looked at him. She looked tired. ‘Well, try harder. You are going to be here on Friday aren't you. For his first soccer match. He really wants you there’

‘I will be there. I promised. I won’t let him down’

‘Please don’t. Bye, Johnny’

She walked towards her car and got in. As she drove away, Robby waved through the window at Johnny, grinning. Johnny smiled and waved back. As the car turned the corner Johnny sighed and kicked a stone in front of him. He turned and walked back to his car.

*******************

Johnny sat in the dentist's waiting room. He looked down at his watch. He had plenty of time. The soccer match didn’t start until 2pm and it was only 10.30. But he was still pissed off.

Johnny hated the dentist, but he always went every nine months for his check-up. If he didn’t turn up, they removed him from their register, and it was a pain in the ass to get reinstated. Which wouldn't be too bad if his dentist wasn’t always late for their appointments.

Johnny got up and walked over to the reception desk. ‘Excuse me. Will it be much longer? My appointment was at 10 and it’s now half past’

The woman behind the desk smiled kindly at Johnny. ‘I’m sorry, son. She had an emergency case come in and has been running behind all morning. Would you prefer I rebook you for another day?’ 

Johnny looked at his watch. ‘What time do you think she’ll be free?’ 

‘I would say no longer than an hour?’ The woman looked apologetically at him.

‘OK. How about I go grab a coffee and come back in an hour?’ 

‘Of course. Sorry again about the wait’

‘It’s alright. These things happen’ Johnny left the dentist and stood on the street for a moment. He turned and headed towards the coffee shop across the street. He picked up a coffee and sat at the table. There was a magazine left on the table. Johnny looked at his watch again and started to flick through the magazine.

Johnny suddenly stopped, reading the title of an article. ‘ _The Cruel History of Gay Conversion Therapy_ ’. Johnny started at the page for a moment. He closed the magazine. Johnny felt his heart rate increase. He stared into space for a moment. Johnny opened the magazine again, flicked back through the pages to the article and started to read.

The article was an investigation into what they called ‘ _conversation therapies_ ’, or ‘t _reatments that claim to change a person's sexual orientation, based on the assumption that homosexual attraction is a mental illness that can be ‘cured_ ’

The article opened with the story of a young man whose parents had discovered when he was a teenager that he was gay and sent him for ‘therapy’ with a ‘psychologist’ who promised to ‘cure’ him. 

There were stories of the types of ‘treatments’ used. Johnny started to feel sick. He read about intense sessions where this person’s beliefs were questioned. The man in the article spoke about doctors trying to convince him that he was ill, trying to convince him that he had suffered trauma that he had repressed. 

Johnny could feel himself starting to get hot. The article was long, he started to skim it. He turned the page and there was a black and white photo of a man in front of a large stone house, standing at the top of some stairs. Johnny’s hands shook. It was Dr Reed standing in front of Fairford House. 

Johnny continued to read. He wanted to throw the magazine away, but he couldn’t stop himself. Johnny could feel a painful lump in his throat.

The article talked about Fairford House closing in 1991 after a string of suicides, the final one a thirteen-year-old boy who slit his wrists in the shower. After that the authorities had gone in and found records of decades of abuse, dubious medical practices, therapy based on religious pseudoscience and treatments described as more akin to torture. Dr Reed was currently serving 97 years in prison for the abuse of countless teenage boys. The article said that authorities suspected that they would never know how many boys had passed through its doors. There was a grainy photo of a long corridor, a dining room and below of a picture of a tiled bathroom with multiple sunken baths.

Johnny felt his heart rate escalate and suddenly his throat was closing up. He felt like there was a vice gripping around his chest. Johnny stood quickly, knocking his coffee across the table. He started to stagger across the coffee shop as people looked on. There was a sharp pain in his chest. He couldn't breath and started to wheeze, desperately trying to get air in. 

Johnny heard a voice. ‘Hey, man. Are you OK’? 

He pushed past, out of the door and onto the street. Johnny fell to his knees. He felt someone touch his shoulder.

‘Are you alright?’

‘I think I’m having a heart attack’ he was able to gasp. The pain in his chest was unbearable, radiating out to his neck. He still had the magazine in his hand.

‘Johnny! Johnny! Are you OK’? 

Someone knew his name. Johnny didn’t look up. ‘I need an ambulance’ he managed to get out.

‘Someone call an ambulance now! It’s OK, Johnny. You’re OK. Just breath. An ambulance is coming'

Johnny was dizzy, black spots dancing in front of his vision. The voices around him started to disappear into the distance.

*****************************

Johnny sat on the hospital bed. A doctor was in front of him, looking at a file.

‘It wasn’t a heart attack. We think it was a major panic attack. Chest pains, trouble breathing, dizziness, nausea. The symptoms can be the same, but we have done some tests and it definitely wasn’t a heart attack. Do you have any history of panic attacks, Mr Lawrence?’

‘No. Never’ Johnny replied.

‘Well, something may have triggered it, but they can sometimes come out of nowhere. You’re free to go whenever you're ready but take it easy for the next few days’ The doctor flipped the chart closed and started to leave the room.

‘Thanks Doc’ Johnny said with a small smile.

‘Yeah, thanks Doc’ 

The doctor left the room. 

Daniel stood up from the chair in the corner of the room and walked over to the bed. ‘So, a panic attack?’

‘Sounds like it’ Johnny said with a sigh as he pulled his shirt back following the doctor’s examinations.

‘Have you ever had one before?’ Daniel asked.

‘No, never. It felt like I was fucking dying. I didn’t know that panic attacks were even something that can happen’ Johnny looked at Daniel. ‘Thank you for helping out. I’m glad you were there’

‘It’s no problem. I saw you get up and leave the coffee shop. You were as white as a sheet. It was only when I saw you fall down in the street that I realised something serious was wrong. Do you have any idea what caused it?’

Johnny nodded towards the chair where his belongings rested in a pile. ‘The magazine’

Daniel stepped over and picked it up. ‘This?’

‘Yeah. There’s an article in there. It triggered something, freaked me out.’ Johnny said.

Daniel started to flip through. He looked up at Johnny, confused. ‘What article?’

Johnny took the magazine from his hands and found the page. ‘This’. He pointed at the page and passed the magazine back to Daniel.

Daniel stared down at it. He started to read. Johnny watched as Daniel sat on the chair in the corner. Johnny looked up at the ceiling as Daniel read it all from beginning to end. Johnny had never told Daniel the whole story and waited for his reaction.

Once he had finished, Daniel blew out a breath. He looked up at Johnny.

‘This place?’

Johnny nodded silently. 

‘This was the place? Where they sent you?’ Daniel said with disbelief, shock in his voice.

Johnny didn’t speak. Just nodded. 

‘Jesus, Johnny. I had no idea. I mean, I know what you told me some stuff but no real details. Did you…. did they….?’ Daniel didn’t finish but Johnny knew what the man was asking.

Johnny took a deep breath. It shook as it let it out. He closed his eyes, didn’t look at Daniel

‘That man said he was a therapist. The baths, in the picture, they filled them with ice cold water and made me sit in them for…. it felt like hours. They said it would…. cure me or some shit. Fuck. I remember it like it was yesterday’

Daniel looked down at the picture and back up at Johnny. ‘Johnny…. I had no idea’

Johnny opened his eyes and looked at Daniel. ‘Why would you? I never told you’ He cleared his throat painfully, wiped his eyes. ‘You know what. It’s fine. I ran away before it got too bad. I’m fine’ Johnny looked at his watch. It was 3.30pm. He sighed. ‘And I’ve missed my son’s soccer match. Goddamn it’

Daniel stood ‘Johnny, you are not fine. Have you ever spoken to anyone about this? Talked to someone…. a specialist. This was abuse. You know that don’t you? The authorities are still looking for victims. You could call someone…. tell them what you saw’

Johnny stood up. ‘I don’t need to speak to anyone. And there is no way I am seeing a fucking therapist. Have some fucking quack try and mess with my head. No way’ He looked at Daniel. ‘I’m fine, OK. Thanks for your help today but I need to go’

Johnny took his jacket off the chair and left the room. Daniel sat next to the bed, the magazine still in his hand. Daniel got up and chased after him.

‘Johnny! Johnny! Come back’ Daniel chased Johnny down the corridor. ‘Hey Johnny. Let’s get a drink one day. Please. I’d like to talk, to catch up. It’s been too long and…...I want to see you’

Johnny looked down at him and shrugged. ‘Yeah, sure’

Daniel took a business card from his pocket and handed it over. LaRusso Autos. ‘Give me a call someday. I mean it. I’d like to talk properly’

**************************

Johnny sat in his apartment looking at the business card in his hands. He held his phone in the other hand. Johnny dialled the numbers, his finger hovered over the call button. He pressed the button, listened to it ring twice and hung up.

'Wuss' he said to himself as he threw the card on the coffee table. 

Johnny jumped as his phone rang. He stared down at it for a moment before answering it.

'Hello'

'Hello. Who is this?’

Johnny signed 'Hi Daniel. it’s…. uh…. Johnny' Johnny said slowly. 

He was cautious. Daniel had said he wanted to have a drink, talk properly but Johnny wasn't really sure what that meant. Every meeting with Daniel over the years had put any hope of Johnny healing back to square one but he couldn’t help himself. It was like an addiction. No matter how long he and Daniel were away, one meeting would leave Johnny craving more.

‘Johnny, I’m glad you called. Do you want to have that drink? Catch up?’ Daniel asked.

Johnny smiled. ‘Sure, man. When?’

Daniel gave the time and the name of a bar. As he hung up Daniel sat for a moment. He looked over at his wife who was sitting on the floor with their daughter. Amanda looked up at him and smiled. Daniel smiled back but as soon as Amanda looked away the smile fell off his face. 

Seeing Johnny after so many years had stirred something in him. He was happy enough, loved his wife and daughter dearly, but with Johnny it was different. Daniel had long felt that Johnny had taken a part of Daniel with him when he left for New York all those years ago. The loss of that part of him was still felt all these years later like the pain of a phantom limb. The pain only disappeared during those brief encounters over the years. 

‘I’m going to go and start dinner’ Daniel said to his wife as he got up and walked to the kitchen.

Amanda watched her husband walk away. Something had happened today, she could tell. Daniel had been distracted from the moment he walked in. He had a faraway look in his eyes.

Daniel started to move through the motions of cooking a meal, his mind not on the task. Daniel looked over at the magazine. He couldn’t believe that all these years he had never realised just what had happened to Johnny. He thought back to that night that Johnny had appeared on his doorstep, soaking wet and hysterical. Daniel wished now that he had asked more questions. The thought that Daniel had turned Johnny away after experiencing the things described in that article turned Daniel’s stomach. 

Daniel needed to talk to someone and there was only one other person who Daniel felt he could speak to about this. 

After dinner Daniel went upstairs to their bedroom, closing the door behind him. He dialled.

‘Hello’ the voice at the end of the line said.

‘Bobby?’

‘That’s me. Who’s this’

‘It’s Daniel LaRusso’

‘Daniel. It’s so good to hear from you. How are you?’ Bobby was surprised to hear the other man, didn’t even know that Daniel had his number after all these years. Last time he had seen him was the day of the funeral nearly eight years ago.

Daniel smiled. ‘I’m good, man. How are you?’

‘Can’t complain. It’s so odd to hear from you. We haven’t spoken in years’

‘I know’ Daniel said. ‘Sorry to call out of the blue. I had something I wanted to discuss with you’ 

‘Sure. Shoot’

Daniel hesitated. ‘I saw Johnny today’

Bobby’s tone changed. ‘Oh. How is he?’ He knew that the fact that Daniel had called him that things were not going to be good.

Daniel sighed. ‘He’s bad, man. I bumped into him in the street today. He was having some kind of attack’

Bobby was confused. ‘What do you mean, attack?’

‘I thought he was having some kind of heart attack or stroke or something, but it turned out to be a panic attack’

Bobby sat down. ‘Shit, Daniel. Is he OK?’

‘Yeah, Bobby. He says he’s fine but I’m not sure. I’m worried about him. I wanted some advice’

Bobby sighed. ‘Yeah, I worry about Johnny. Have done for years’

‘Johnny’s panic attack was caused by something. An article he was reading all about…. conversion therapies’ Daniel stopped, waiting for Bobby’s response.

‘Yeah, that makes sense’ Bobby sounded sad.

Daniel was shocked. ‘You knew?’

‘He told me a long time ago. And we’ve had a problem with it in the church, been trying to stamp it out for years but it keeps raising its ugly head. I know enough, have heard the stories to know what goes on’

‘I want to help him, but I don’t know how. I don’t know, I think he needs some professional help or something, but he won’t see anyone’ Daniel had started to pace the room.

‘I have had the same conversation with him in the past and he won’t be persuaded’

‘Then what do I do? I want to help him but if he won’t listen to you, he won’t listen to me’

‘Daniel, you can’t make Johnny do anything he doesn’t want to. The way to be a good friend to him is to listen, don’t judge and don’t pester him about it. He’ll only dig his heels in further. Be there for him when he decides for himself’ Bobby smiled. ‘I have been a minister long enough to know that you can guide people, but they need to figure things out for themself. Just be there for him’

‘OK, man. Thanks for the advice’

‘No worries. Call me if you need to. I’ll contact Johnny as well. I’m due a catch up with him anyway’ Bobby hesitated. ‘And Daniel’

‘Yeah’ 

‘Just be a friend to him’

Daniel was confused. ‘What do you mean by that?’

‘I know you two have a history. He has struggled to get over you and his behaviour can be…. self-destructive. Just… please don’t hurt him, that’s all I’m asking’

************************

Two days later Daniel was sitting in the bar drinking a martini. He was nervous, waiting for Johnny. Every time the door opened, he looked up. Johnny was late. 

Daniel was staring down at his drink when he felt someone behind him. ‘Of course, you drink martinis’

Daniel turned and looked up at Johnny. ‘What do you mean by that?’

Johnny sat down. ‘I don’t know. There is just something about you that screams martini drinker. Maybe it’s the suit’ Johnny was smiling. Daniel could tell he was being teased. He smiled back as Johnny sat down.

‘Sorry I’m late’ Johnny said as he waved the barman over. ‘I went to see Robby?’

‘Robby?’ Daniel asked

‘My son. It didn’t go well’ Johnny sighed as the barman put a beer in front of him.

‘I didn’t know you had a son’

‘Yeah’ Johnny’s face lit up. ‘He’s great. He’s just…. I never knew how much I would love being a dad. I just don’t know how good I am at it’ Johnny drank from his beer. 

Daniel looked over and studied his profile. He looked at the tension in Johnny’s jaw. He could see Johnny was stressed. ‘What makes you say that? I’m sure you’re a great dad’

Johnny sighed. ‘Nah, I don’t know what I am doing. That kid looks up at me and I would do fucking anything for him. I would kill anyone who hurt him and then…. I find it’s me that’s hurting him’

‘What do you mean?’ Daniel asked. 

‘Like the other day. I promised him that I would be at his soccer match and I didn’t make it’ Johnny’s voice became strangled, as if he was struggling with his words. Daniel saw the hurt in his eyes.

‘That wasn’t your fault. You were at the hospital’ Daniel protested. 

‘Robby doesn't know that. All he knows is I didn’t show up. I just keep thinking that he will grow up and hate me, like I hated my family’

Daniel put his hand on Johnny’s arm. ‘He’ll understand when he’s older. See that you mean well’

‘Sure’ Johnny cleared his throat, swallowing his emotion. ‘Anyway, it doesn’t matter’

Daniel looked at him. He noticed that Johnny did that, tried to change the subject when he started to open up, cutting himself off. Daniel didn’t want to push him. He wanted Johnny to open up but knew he would resist if forced.

‘I spoke to Bobby the other day’ Daniel said

‘Oh yeah. How is he?’ Johnny asked, not looking at Daniel, staring at the bottle. 

‘He’s good’ Daniel paused.

‘So, what made you call Bobby?’ Johnny asked. He knew the answer as he asked the question.

Daniel looked at Johnny. ‘I wanted to talk to him about you. I’m worried about you’

‘I said, LaRusso. You don’t have to worry about me’ Johnny finished his drink and got up. ‘You wanna get out of here’ He took his jacket from the chair and started to put it on.

‘Really. I thought we would have a few drinks. Chat, you know’

‘Well, I don’t feel like talking. I have had a long day and I feel like relaxing’ He started towards the doors. 

Daniel got up quickly, throwing some cash onto the bar. Johnny was already out of the door by the time he had his jacket on. He ran after Johnny.

‘Johnny. Johnny. Where are we going? Just slow down’ Daniel hurried to keep up with the taller man’s strides. 

Johnny stopped suddenly and turned towards Daniel. ‘We’re friends, right’ he asked. ‘I mean you like me, right?’ 

Daniel looked at him, confused. ‘Of course, I like you, Johnny. What’s this about?’ 

‘You’re not going to fuck me over, right. We can be cool with each other?’ Johnny asked.

Daniel was growing more confused. He didn’t understand where Johnny was going with this. ‘Sure, Johnny’

‘Good’ Johnny took a step towards Daniel and took his hands. 

‘What….’ was all Daniel got out before Johnny kissed him. Daniel stood still, shocked with the other man’s lips on him. Johnny pulled away and Daniel breathed. ‘Johnny, what was that about?’

Johnny smiled. ‘You talk too much, and I’ve had a shit couple of days. Can we just have some fun? Relax?’

Daniel stepped away. ‘No, Johnny. I’m married. I love my wife’

Johnny shrugged at him. ‘I’m not saying you don’t’ He held Daniel’s hand, started to run his thumb along the back of Daniel’s hand. ‘I was just talking about some fun, you know. For old times’ sake’ 

Daniel looked down at Johnny’s hand, bigger than his, Johnny’s pale skin against his darker skin. He looked up at Johnny, saw him smile. He took a deep breath. He felt his resolve waiver as he remembered the effect that this man could have on him. 

Johnny could see it in Daniel’s eyes and moved onto him again. This time when he kissed Daniel, Daniel kissed him back. They were standing in the middle of a busy street midway through the afternoon, two grown men making out, and Daniel suddenly realised how easy it would be for someone he knew to see them.

‘Johnny stop’ he said, breathing fast as he pulled away. ‘Not here’

Johnny smirked at him. ‘Where then?’ 

Daniel stared at him. Was he doing this? He thought again about his wife. She would be in their office, finishing her work for the day, building their business with him, ready to head home to start dinner. And he was considering going home with Johnny Lawrence. None of this seemed to matter in that moment as he looked at Johnny’s blue eyes in front of him.

‘Back to yours’ he suggested.

Johnny smiled. ‘Whatever you want, LaRusso. We can go to mine, so long as you promise not to outstay your welcome’

Johnny turned and started walking towards the parking lot and Daniel found his legs following. What are you doing?! A part of his brain kept on screaming. Turn around and go home! Daniel ignored it.

Johnny climbed into his Firebird, Daniel following in his car. Johnny was leading him to Reseda. Daniel hadn't been back here for years. He had driven through a few times but never stopped. Johnny pulled up outside an apartment block, much like the one where the two boys spent so many nights together in the 80s.

Johnny stepped into his apartment and Daniel followed. Johnny could tell Daniel was nervous. 

Johnny was nervous. Shitting himself if he was to be honest. He had thought about this moment for so long. Being with Daniel felt coming home but Johnny knew how vulnerable he was to having his heart broken. He just couldn’t convince himself to walk away.

Now they were there, they stood at opposite ends of the living room, not looking at each other.

Daniel broke the silence. 'Look, if we can…' Johnny stepped towards him, smothered his words with a kiss. Daniel pulled away. ‘Johnny, you can’t keep doing that’

‘What? What have I done? You’re here, I thought this is what you wanted’ Johnny stepped towards him again.

‘Do you know that every time we try to talk you think you can just kiss me and…’ Daniel sighed. ‘Johnny, you can’t solve everything with sex’ He stopped, was suddenly tired. ‘I’m sorry. This was a mistake’ Daniel picked up his jacket.

‘No, don’t go. Please’ Johnny held Daniel’s arms and started to kiss his neck. 

Daniel moaned lightly, tipped his head back, letting Johnny in. Johnny ran his arms up Daniel back. He moved round to Daniel’s mouth and started to kiss him. Daniel put his hands on Johnny’s chest but didn’t push him away. 

‘Please don’t go’ Johnny murmured to Daniel.

‘I’m not going anywhere’ Daniel pushed Johnny up against the countertop. He put his knee between Johnny’s legs and pushed his hands up Johnny’s t-shirt. God, he smelt so good. Daniel felt like a man possessed, devouring Johnny like he was starving. He took the bottom of Johnny’s t-shirt and pulled it over Johnny’s head. He put his hands on Johnny’s chest and started to kiss his shoulders.

Johnny started to untuck Daniel’s shirt, reached up and untied his tie. He fumbled with the buttons on his shirts, so frantic he was all fingers and thumbs. He pulled Daniel’s shirt off his shoulders. Johnny smiled. He had spent so much time thinking about that night they spent together in New York and now Daniel was here again, he didn’t want to rush it. He took Daniel’s face in his hands and kissed him, running his hands through his hair. 

‘Johnny, do you want to take this into the other room? Somewhere more comfortable’ Daniel finally gasped out.

Johnny smirked. ‘I was planning on just gonna bending you over the coffee table, actually’

Daniel laughed. ‘I remember you always did know how to kill a moment’

*************************

Johnny lay on the bed watching Daniel pull his clothes back on. He left the room and came back with his shirt and tie and started to put them on. Daniel turned and saw Johnny watching him.

‘What are you looking at?’ he asked with a smile.

‘I was just thinking of dragging you back into this bed’ 

Daniel sat on the bed, started to put his socks on. ‘Sorry, I’ve got to get back’ 

Johnny sat up onto his knees, still naked and moved towards Daniel. He came up behind Daniel and kissed his neck, up to his ear. Daniel closed his eyes and tilted his head, giving Johnny access. 

‘Don’t go. Stay with me’ Johnny murmured into his ear.

‘Johnny, I can’t. I’ve got to get home. My wife will wonder where I am’ Daniel said

Johnny stopped abruptly, sat back on the bed. He climbed to the other side of the bed and stood up, pulling on his underwear. 

‘Yeah, sure, man. I understand’ Johnny pulled on a pair of jeans and walked into the other room. Daniel watched him leave.

‘You OK, Johnny?’ Daniel asked, following Johnny into the living room.

‘Yeah, I’m fine. You’ve got to get away, that’s cool’ Johnny picked up his t-shirt from the floor and pulled it over his head. ‘I’ve got shit to do as well, you know’

Daniel watched him for a second. ‘OK, look, I had a good time. Do you want to, like, do this again?’ he asked tentatively.

Johnny sat on the sofa, looking at Daniel nonchalantly. ‘Yeah, sure. Just give me a call whenever’ Johnny picked up the remote and turned the TV on.

Daniel hesitated ‘OK Johnny. I’ll call you’ he said slowly. The abrupt change in Johnny’s behaviour gave him pause. But he really needed to get back to Amanda.

Johnny looked up at him and smiled. ‘Sounds like a plan’

Daniel stepped over to Johnny, bent down and kissed him. ‘I’ll see you soon’ Daniel left, closing the door behind him.

Daniel walked over to his car and climbed in. He looked back at the apartment. What was he doing?! He had just cheated on his wife for the best part of a decade. Daniel put his head on the wheel and closed his eyes. Daniel was so ashamed but knew he would not give back the last few hours for anything in the world. Johnny had felt so right, like they just fit together, but he loved his wife. They had a business, a daughter. He couldn’t imagine giving that up for anyone, not even Johnny Lawrence.

Daniel started the car and drove away.

************************

Daniel closed his eyes and tipped his head back against the headrest. He moaned as the other man ran his tongue along him. He put his fingers through blond hair. He was trying to hold out, didn’t want it to end, but knew he was close and wouldn’t be able to contain himself for much longer. 

‘Oh god, Johnny. I’m gonna cum. Keep doing that’ He could feel the pressure in his stomach, the pleasure building. Daniel cried out as he came, the other man taking him deep and swallowing. 

‘Oh fuck’ he gasped as Johnny sat back in the passenger seat, breathing heavily. ‘That was amazing.’ He looked over at Johnny.

‘One of my many talents’ Johnny said with a smirk.

‘I can see that. Fuck, my wife never swallows like that. It’s so fucking hot’

The smile fell off of Johnny’s face.

‘What?’ Daniel said.

‘Could you not mention your wife, you know, right after you just blew your load in my mouth. It’s bad fucking manners’ Johnny snapped.

‘I’m sorry, Johnny’ He started to fasten up his pants, awkward in the driving seat. ‘I didn’t think. I’m sorry’ Johnny didn’t look at him. He reached up and touched Johnny’s jaw. ‘I’m sorry’

‘It’s alright, LaRusso’ he stared out of the window.

Daniel kissed him on the neck, moving over to the passenger side. ‘So, tell me. What other talents do you have?’ he murmured into Johnny’s neck.

Johnny smiled. ‘Wouldn’t you like to know’

‘I really would’ Daniel kissed him. Johnny kissed him back.

************************

‘Hi Johnny’ Daniel said leaning against the door. Johnny smiled. God, Daniel loved that smile. Every time Johnny smiled at him it sent his heart rate soaring. Daniel wondered if the man knew the effect he had on Daniel. He didn’t want Johnny to ever smile at anyone else like that. Wanted to keep Johnny all for himself.

‘Hey’ Johnny stepped into the house. He looked around tentatively. ‘Where’s the family?’ he asked.

‘They are at Amanda’s mother’s house. We won’t be disturbed’ Daniel closed the door behind him. He led Johnny into the kitchen.

Johnny looked around. The house was nice; expensive and ordered. Just as he expected from Daniel. Johnny thought about his own apartment and smiled to himself. He and Daniel were almost complete opposites. 

‘You OK?’ Daniel asked.

‘Yeah, man. Just thinking about how…. _you_ this place is’ Johnny said.

Daniel looked at him for a moment and smiled. ‘Yeah. I suppose it is. Although I have to say Amanda chose most of it. She has better taste than me’

‘She has good taste in men too’ Johnny said, touching Daniel’s hand.

‘Are you flirting with me, Johnny Lawrence?’ Daniel teased.

‘Maybe. Is it working?’

Daniel stepped closer. ‘Oh yes’ He kissed Johnny. He wrapped his arms around Johnny’s waist.

They had been like this for a few weeks now. Meetings at Johnny’s apartment mostly. Their meetings were short and passionate. They didn’t talk much. Daniel had given up trying to engage Johnny in any kind of meaningful conversation. Daniel thought about the two of them a lot, but it was clear that Johnny wasn’t interested in anything more than the physical. That made Daniel sad sometimes but, being a married man, he couldn’t hold it against Johnny. He couldn’t expect more from him. 

Daniel was happy today. He had a surprise for Johnny. He had been cleaning out some drawers recently and had found something that he hadn’t seen for years.

‘I have a surprise for you’ Daniel said

‘Mmmm. I like surprises’ Johnny said, kissing him. 

Daniel reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded Kleenex. ‘I was moving things and I found something of yours’

He unfolded the Kleenex and there was a gold crucifix on a chain. He held it up by the chain. 

‘Oh my god, I haven’t seen this in so long. You kept it’ Johnny smiled, taking the chain from Daniel.

‘I know. I couldn’t believe I still had it. I remembered you said it was your mothers. I thought you would be pleased to get it back after all these years’ Daniel smiled brightly at Johnny.

Johnny stared at it, letting the chain fall into his hands. He looked up at Daniel. ‘But I gave it to you. I don’t want it back’

Daniel looked at him confused. ‘But it’s yours. It was your mother’s. I thought you would be happy to have it back’

Johnny stared at the crucifix and looked back up at Daniel. Daniel looked so proud of himself, like he was doing Johnny a favour, giving him back a lost item. He stepped away from Daniel and ran his hand through his hair.

Daniel looked at him. Johnny wasn’t smiling anymore. Daniel suspected he had read the situation wrong, had made a mistake but wasn’t sure what.

‘What’s wrong, Johnny? Did I do something wrong?’ he asked. Johnny turned away and walked into the living room. Daniel followed him. ‘Johnny, talk to me’

Johnny sat on the sofa. He sighed. ‘Daniel, what is this?’

‘What do you mean?’ Daniel asked, confused.

‘Us. What are we? Why would you give this to me? I gave this to you and you just returned it to me like it was lost property. This meant something to me. Doesn't it mean anything to you?’

Daniel looked at him. He saw hurt in Johnny’s eyes. Sadness.

‘Yeah, but I just thought…… You gave it to me so long ago…...We…. haven’t….’ Daniel didn’t know what to say. He knew what he thought. He thought their relationship was just about sex, that Johnny didn’t want a relationship, didn’t want relationships in general. He didn’t know how to say any of that now. He looked into Johnny’s eyes and realised he had misjudged the man terribly. 

Johnny stood. ‘I’m going to go’ He started towards the door.

‘No Johnny. Talk to me. Don’t just leave. Tell me what I have done. Talk to me, please’ Johnny continued to walk to the door and Daniel felt himself get angry. ‘Don’t just walk away from me, Johnny. You always do that! Run away when things got tough. You never want to talk. You have never said a single sincere word to me in all the years we have known each other’

‘I don’t have anything to say to you’ Johnny said as he headed towards the door.

‘I think you’re just a fucking coward!’ Daniel shouted. Johnny stopped. ‘You run away every time. From me, from your family, from yourself. You’re always running away from things’ Johnny paused and turned. ‘Just…. say something to me that means something real for once’

Johnny laughed bitterly. He stepped toward Daniel. ‘You want me to say something real to you? OK, Daniel. You wanna hear something real. How about that I fucking love you. I always have. I loved you since you showed up at school with those stupid brown eyes looking at me. How about if I tell you about how I’m terrified that if I let myself love someone again, that they’ll break my heart, just like you did, and I won’t be able to handle it and I am so fucking lonely it is crushing me! Or how about that I fucking hate myself for loving someone who doesn’t love me back, for pining over someone who got over me years ago. That I fucking hate myself for being so stupid to get involved with you again, that I knew I would get hurt but I couldn’t stop myself’ Johnny was shouting, his voice shaking and Daniel could see tears in his eyes. ‘How about all that? That fucking real enough for you?!’ He stood over Daniel.

Daniel was silent for a moment. ‘I’m...I’m sorry Johnny. I didn’t know’ That was a lie. Looking back Daniel had always known. He had seen it in Johnny’s eyes over the years and had chosen to ignore it because Daniel had wanted Johnny in his life. He had known he was hurting the man, but his own stupid, selfish needs had come first. Daniel looked away, ashamed.

Johnny looked down at Daniel. ‘No. Why would you?’ was all Johnny said. He turned and walked away.

‘Johnny. Look, come back. We can talk about all of that. I hear you now. It’s going to be OK’ Daniel followed Johnny to the door.

‘No, it’s not. I’m leaving. Please don’t follow me, don’t call me. Just...you need to stay away from me, please’ Johnny walked out into the night and left Daniel on his doorstep.


	5. 2018

‘Not another one’ Johnny muttered as he looked up at the billboard. The first of every month another billboard appeared like clockwork. Daniel LaRusso’s smiling face staring down at Johnny on his morning drive to work. It had become as regular as the sunrise. Johnny looked away and drove on.

He moved through the motions of his morning, going from house to house, doing whatever the clients needed him to do. Some were snobby and either ignored him or looked at him like he was something on their shoe. Most were nicer, brought him tea and coffee. Some were outright weird, offered him odd homemade food and there was the one elderly woman who Johnny long suspected was clogging up her drains on purpose and pouted and flirted at him as he worked.

But the work wasn’t bad. Johnny wasn’t terrible at it and it was satisfying to have a job where he could leave having accomplished something with his hands. 

Until that bitch had gotten him fired. It was the bane of his existence, clients giving vague fucking instructions and then complaining when it went wrong. Johnny wasn’t too worried, there was lots of work in the area. He was just pissed off.

And those fucking commercials were on his TV. As if his day couldn’t get any worse, as if the billboard wasn’t bad enough. Now that man was haunting him in his living room. 

Johnny hated those adverts; Daniel making a fool of himself with that karate stuff. When did he even start doing that? It made Johnny cringe. The Daniel he remembered never would have danced about on TV like a trained monkey. 

Johnny remembered how Daniel used to react when people asked him about that crane kick, how embarrassed he would get. Johnny used to tease him about how sensitive he was about it, more sensitive than Johnny had been, and Johnny had been on the receiving end of it! Johnny smiled as he remembered Daniel teaching him to do it one night, them both falling about laughing as Johnny accidentally crane kicked a door frame, almost breaking his foot. 

The memory made Johnny smile, while at the same time made him want to smash his fucking TV into thousands of pieces. 

**********************

Daniel strolled into work. Life was good. He looked over to his wife over the showroom and she smiled at him. How had he been so lucky to have a woman like that fall in love with him? He smiled back at her.

The day was busy. He had new cars coming in, the showroom was full of customers taking advantage of their new pricing event and they were on schedule to hit their targets this month. Daniel had spent the evening calculating the team's upcoming commission payments. Some people begrudged paying commission. Daniel loved it. It meant that his team were selling. Every percentage paid in commission meant money coming into his business. 

Daniel looked at his phone and pulled up his diary. His shoulders slumped. He had to film another commercial tomorrow. Daniel hated those stupid commercials. He had told Amanda and the marketing team that he hated them, but it had become his _thing_ and it was hard to stop now. They always made him feel like a dancing chimp, dressing up for the camera. He saw the commercials on TV and couldn’t help but think that he wouldn’t buy a car from a man karate kicking at a camera. He thought it made him look desperate. Daniel sighed. 

He strolled through the lots, checking on cars, checking on the sales staff. He put his head into the garage, full of cars in for service and tune ups. All looked good. Lots of smiling faces looked back at him.

Daniel was heading back to his office. He stopped. That blond head at the reception desk. Daniel shook his head in frustration. He thought that every time he saw a tall blond man, found himself taking a second look. A part of his hoping...

He looked again. The man turned. It was him! Johnny. Daniel stood still in the middle of the show room. The man started to walk past him, hands in his pockets, shoulders slouched. He was moving towards the doors. If Daniel was going to do this, he needed to act fast. 

Just as Daniel had made the decision to leave it, to let the man leave, an involuntary sound came out of his mouth. ‘Johnny?’

Johnny stopped, closed his eyes. He had seen Daniel and had hoped the other man hadn’t seen him. He had just wanted to get out of there without having to speak to him. Johnny turned slowly.

‘I thought it was you. How the hell are you?’ Daniel put his arms around Johnny in an awkward hug. Daniel felt Johnny stiffen in his arms. 

‘Yeah, man. I’m OK’ he mumbled. ‘How are you?’

‘I’m good. You look good’ Daniel looked Johnny up and down. He did look good. He always looked good. The years were always kind to Johnny.

‘What brings you in?’ Daniel asked.

Johnny handed Johnny the report he had been given by the receptionist. ‘Just here to collect my car’

Daniel took the report and read through it. ‘You’re still got the Firebird?’ Daniel knew that it was his mother’s car. 

‘Yeah. Love that car’ Johnny mumbled, looking at his shoes. He radiated awkwardness. Daniel could tell that Johnny wanted to make a run for it. He tried not to be too hurt by Johnny's reaction to seeing him after all these years. Daniel remembered how they had left it all those years ago, Daniel fucking things up again, and driving Johnny away

‘Wow, someone really did a number on this’ He looked up at Johnny. ‘Look, leave this with me. It’s on the house. I know what that car means to you. My boys will take care of it’ Daniel said.

‘You don’t have….’

‘No arguments, Johnny’ Daniel cut him off, knew how stubborn and bad at accepting help Johnny was.

‘OK. Thanks, man. So, will you give me a call when it’s done?’ Johnny muttered, still not fully looking at him.

‘Yeah, someone will call you’ Daniel said.

‘OK’ Johnny started to back away. ‘Thanks for that. I’ve got to get off’ Johnny turned and walked quickly towards the doors. 

Daniel watched him leave. Johnny had practically run away from him. Daniel wasn’t sure what he had expected, why he expected anything less. He watched the man walk quickly across the parking lot. Daniel made a split-second decision. He started towards the door. He wanted to make things right.

‘Johnny! Hold up!’ Daniel ran after the man. Johnny stopped walking and turned towards him slowly. ‘Look, it’s good to see you. Have you been well?’ 

‘You already asked me that?’ Johnny said. Only now did Johnny really look him in the eye.

‘I know. But really? Are you good?’ Daniel asked.

Johnny looked at him. He seemed to be considering him. ‘Everything’s fine,’ he said. Daniel could tell he didn’t want to be having this conversation. He got the impression that Johnny didn’t trust why he was asking.

‘Look. Do you want to get a drink or something?’ Daniel asked.

Johnny continued to stare at him for a moment before answering. ‘Nah, you’re good. I’m just here about the car’

Daniel tried not to look too disappointed. ‘Oh. Well, I’ll call you when the car’s ready’ Daniel said.

Johnny looked at him for a pause longer, nodded and walked away without another word. All Daniel could do was watch him leave. 

*************************

Johnny stood on the mat and looked around the dojo. It wasn’t great but it was a start. He was nervous, feeling edgy. Johnny needed a drink. He also had a lot of work to do. Johnny had sunk every last cent into this place and so far, had only one student, who was currently cleaning mats in the corner. 

Johnny had never been one for risks. Not real risks. He drank too much, got into fights, didn’t back down when the odds were against him, but he had never really put anything on the line. He was used to keeping everything locked down. You can’t get hurt by anything at arm’s length and you can’t fall too far if you keep your expectations low. But this, the dojo, this was a risk. There was a chance it would fail, and Johnny would lose his money with it. But the risk wasn’t only financial. If he failed at this, what else was there. He had never been good at anything else. 

‘Sensei?’ a voice said behind him. Johnny turned to see his student looking at him. The boy’s face was always full of so much hope. It intimidated him. Johnny hoped he could fulfil that hope. 

‘Mr Diaz, are you ready for your training?’ 

‘Yes Sensei’ 

‘Alright’ Johnny remembered his first weeks at Cobra Kai. The new kid always got tested for weakness, given all the shitty jobs around the dojo. Johnny remembered spending hours after class cleaning mats. It teaches students humility, teaches them to respect the dojo.

Johnny pointed to the bucket and mop. ‘You start with the mats and then get started on the office and bathrooms’ Miguel looked at him, confused. 

'What does this have to do with karate, Sensei'

'Don't question my methods. Just get on with it' he said.

********************

Daniel pulled up slowly in the parking lot. He had seen the sign and was curious. Seeing Johnny and then this. Would Johnny have really done this? Why would Johnny want Cobra Kai back in his life after everything that had happened to him?

Daniel remembered that night in the parking lot after the 1984 tournament. He could still see Johnny, in his trademark red leather jacket and jeans, sitting on the floor, hand to his bruised neck as glass rained down on him. Daniel had watched and felt helpless, could only watch as Mr Miyagi stepped in and did what Daniel wished he had had the strength to do. 

They had gone through so much since then. Daniel had spent a long time thinking about how he had treated Johnny over the years and knew that he couldn’t claim to be the innocent party. He knew that he had treated Johnny badly, had made more mistakes than he dared to count. But Cobra Kai! He remembered who Johnny was back then, what it had done to him and was worried that Johnny was back to his self-destructive ways.

Daniel climbed out of the car. The lights in the dojo were on. He could see the sign on the window. Strike First. Strike Hard. No Mercy. Did Johnny still believe that? 

Daniel pushed the door to the dojo open. There was a bell and Daniel saw movement in the office window.

'Welcome to Cobra Kai…' Johnny stopped and looked at Daniel. 'Oh, it's you. What do you want?' 

Daniel looked around the dojo. 'I saw the sign. I just wanted to see if it was true?'

'Seeing is believing. You have a problem, LaRusso?' Johnny asked, his voice full of hostility. 

'I just don't know why you would ever want to bring back Cobra Kai after what your Sensei did to you'

'Because I'm not Kreese. And I have something I can teach these kids' Johnny said. He clenched his hand to his side. He was determined to stay strong in front of Daniel, not let the other man see his doubts. 

'Oh yeah. Strike First. No Mercy. Real good lessons. Did they make you happy, Johnny? Because I remember differently' Daniel said, stepping towards the mat. 

Johnny snorted. 'Like you ever gave a shit about my happiness' 

'What the hell's that supposed to mean?' Daniel was getting pissed off. Johnny could be a stubborn asshole, and Daniel knew that Johnny had reason to be angry at him but bringing back Cobra Kai was different. Daniel couldn't let these kids go down the same path as Johnny.

'I mean get off your high horse. I know what I'm doing. Why do you even care so much? Just get out of my dojo' Johnny turned and started to walk back to the office.

'No Johnny. We aren't done here' 

Johnny turned, hands out. 'I'm right here, man, if that’s what you want' 

That shocked Daniel. 'I'm not gonna fight you, Johnny,' Daniel said with earnest. He wanted to help Johnny, not fight him.

'If you didn't come here to fight, what did you even come here for?' Johnny said with a sneer. 

Daniel looked around, looked back at Johnny. He knew that he was making no progress here. He sighed. 'You know, I don't really know'

Johnny considered Daniel for a minute before he spoke. 'I've got work to do'

Johnny turned and walked back to the office, closing the door behind him. Daniel stared at the closed door for a moment before he turned and left. 

**************************

Daniel was on edge. He was trying to relax, he usually enjoyed these country club parties, but his mind kept on going back to Johnny and Cobra Kai. Why would Johnny want to reopen Cobra kai? Daniel could understand Johnny choosing to teach martial arts and he has no doubt that Johnny would be a good teacher. Johnny was still the best martial artist that Daniel had ever known. But Cobra Kai?! Why would Johnny want that back in his life? He had been so hostile when Daniel had spoken to him. He was so fucking stubborn!

‘What’s up with you?’ Amanda asked. Daniel didn’t realise that he was staring into his drink. 

‘Oh, nothing’ he responded.

Amanda smiled and put her hand on Daniel’s arm. ‘You can talk to me, Daniel’ she insisted.

Daniel looked at his wife and relented. ‘You know that guy from my high school whose car I fixed for free?’

She stopped to think. ‘Oh yeah, that blond pretty boy you beat in the tournament’

He looked at her. What did she just say? ‘What do you mean, pretty?’ he asked

She laughed. ‘Oh, come on, Daniel. I’m not blind’

‘You think he’s pretty?’ he asked.

She stopped smiling. Daniel’s face was so serious. ‘What’s the matter, Daniel? That guy has gotten you so stressed out. You haven’t been the same since you saw him’

Daniel thought back. Since his affair with Johnny six years ago, Daniel had promised himself that he wouldn’t keep any secrets from Amanda anymore. He felt terrible that he had never told her, that he was too much of a coward to confront what he had done back then.

Daniel took a breath, letting it out slowly. ‘Uh….me and that guy, Johnny. We had a thing, back in the 80s. It was pretty serious, and it got…. uh…. messy. We broke up and I didn’t handle it well’ 

Amanda looked at her husband with shock. ‘You? And Johnny? You had, what, a relationship?’

Daniel nodded. He took a large gulp of his drink, emptying the glass.

‘I didn’t even know you were into guys?’ she asked. Amanda had thought she knew everything about her husband.

‘I’m not. Not really. Only him’ Daniel felt the need to reassure her. ‘I’ve never been with any other men. It was different with him. It wasn’t about whether I was into guys or not. We just, kind of, fell into each other. I don’t think I treated him very well. He got hurt and I never really made it right’

‘Oh wow. Well, it was a long time ago. Surly he has moved on by now’ Amanda said. She waved the bartender over for a new drink. 

Daniel looked at his wife. He searched her eyes. They were relaxed. ‘That doesn’t bother you?’

‘What? That you had a relationship with a guy? Years ago? No, not really. I admit I’m surprised but we all have a past. I’m not going to get weird and jealous about it’ Amanda smiled as she was handed a drink. ‘I’m more worried about you, seeing him has gotten you down so much’

Daniel looked at Amanda, guilt gnawing away in his gut. He did not deserve this woman.

‘You are amazing, you know that?’ Daniel said, kissing his wife on the mouth.

‘Yeah, you just remember that on our anniversary next month’ she smiled at him.

‘Oh, I will’ Daniel kissed Amanda again.

She pulled away and touched her husband's cheek. She picked up her drink and smiled. ‘So, it seems I’m not the only person who thinks he was pretty?’ She teased.

****************************

Two weeks later and Johnny had his car back. He had managed to collect it without having to see Daniel again. He wasn’t sure if it was luck or whether Daniel was just avoiding him. Either way, Johnny was glad to not have to see him. It didn’t seem to matter how many years went past; Daniel LaRusso seemed to eventually come back into Johnny’s life. And the man never looked any different. How did that man still look exactly the same after thirty-four years? When Johnny looked at himself in the mirror, he saw every year of his life. On Daniel, time seemed to stand still. The only other thing that was the same was the old pain in Johnny’s stomach whenever Daniel was around.

Johnny’s phone rang. He looked down at it, not recognising the number. ‘Yeah, what?’

‘Mr Lawrence?’ a woman asked.

‘Yeah?’ 

‘This is the vice principal at Robby’s high school. I have him in my office with me’.

Johnny cringed. He hadn’t spoken to his son for so long. Robby never returned his calls and eventually Johnny’s stupid pride had taken over and he had just stopped calling.

‘Yeah, what has he done now?’ Johnny asked, his voice tired.

‘We found him with Molly’ she said.

A girl. Why were they calling him about some girl? Whoever this Molly was, she had better not be knocked up. ‘Oh yeah, who’s that? Some chick he’s hooking up with?’

‘It’s an illegal drug, Mr Lawrence’

Johnny’s shoulders slumped. His son is into drugs now. Great! ‘Put my kid on the phone’ Johnny heard the phone being passed over.

‘What do you want?’ Robby asked. 

‘Robby, what the hell? You’re doing drugs’ 

Robby was on the defensive. ‘Don’t lecture me. You’re a pathetic loser’

The principle was back on the phone. ‘Maybe I should call his mother?’

‘Yeah, good luck with that’ Johnny hung up. He walked into his office and sat down. 

Johnny remembered telling Daniel years ago that his biggest fear was that his son would see through him, see him for what he really is. And it had happened. Robby hated him, refused to see him, to speak to him. Johnny couldn’t blame him. But to hear his son call him a loser hurt more than he ever would have confessed. His stupid pride again. 

Johnny wondered what his relationship with Robby could have been like if Johnny’s life had taken a different turn. If Johnny’s life hadn’t fallen off the rails so spectacularly. 

That was what Daniel would never recognise. He had asked Johnny why Cobra Kai? After everything that happened. Why bring back Cobra Kai? 

The answer was obvious to Johnny; he couldn’t understand why it wasn’t obvious to Daniel. Johnny had lost everything at seventeen. When Cobra Kai went, everything else had fallen away with it. Maybe if Johnny could bring something good back into his life, he could stop feeling so empty. 

He looked out of the window of his office at his one student, punching the bag as if he were afraid to hurt it. What was he doing? Johnny sighed. He had a lot of work to do with this one.

***************************

Daniel couldn’t leave it. He had sat up all night thinking about Johnny and Cobra Kai. Why was it with that guy, he could never just leave it. Daniel thought back to all their encounters over the years. It always ended in shouting and the two men walking away from each other. 

Daniel wondered what things would have been like if those two had talked. Really talked. Had a proper conversation that was not full of heightened emotions and shouting.

Daniel stared at the ceiling. Listened to the sound of his wife’s breathing. He looked at his bedside clock. 11.30pm. Was it too late? Daniel knew that Johnny had always been a night owl. Daniel wondered if that had changed. 

Daniel got up, slipped on his clothes and went out to his car.

He remembered where Johnny lived. He had been there enough times during their short affair those years ago. He pulled up outside and saw the red Firebird. His garage had done a good job on it. He had asked them to make sure it left as good as new and gave it the full works. It had cost more than he would ever have told Johnny. Daniel could afford it and he knew that Johnny was proud. He would hate Johnny to think that Daniel had begrudged doing it.

Daniel got out of the car and stood outside the apartment. He didn’t know what to do. Was he going to knock on the door? Would Johnny even let him in?

Daniel heard the door open and Johnny stepped out, trash bags in his hand. He stopped and looked at Daniel

‘Hi Johnny’ Daniel said.

Johnny didn’t answer, walked past Daniel. He opened the dumpster, threw the bag in and closed it. He walked past Daniel, back to his apartment without a word.

‘Johnny’ Daniel said. ‘Don’t ignore me. I want to talk’

‘Yeah, what about’ Johnny said.

‘Can I come in?’ Daniel asked, gesturing towards the apartment.

‘No’ was his only answer

‘OK, well we can talk out here if you want. I don’t mind’ Daniel said, sitting on the wall outside Johnny’s apartment. He looked at Johnny.

‘Well, what do you want to say to me?’ Johnny folded his arms and stood in his doorway. 

‘Why Cobra Kai?’ he asked

‘Why not?’ Johnny shrugged. As Daniel watched Johnny shrug, he realised how little the man had changed over the years. That belligerent shrug looked so much like Johnny’s teenage self that it took Daniel's breath away. 

‘Seriously. You ask why not? After everything that has happened?’ Daniel asked.

‘If I remember correctly, none of what happened had anything to do with Cobra Kai. All the worst stuff happened after Cobra Kai, not because of it’ Johnny said, arms still folded defensively.

Daniel stared at Johnny. He felt like he was having an epiphany. That was why Johnny had opened Cobra Kai! Daniel thought back to thirty-four years ago. Johnny’s life hadn’t gone downhill because of Cobra Kai, but after he left.

‘Johnny, bringing back Cobra Kai isn’t going to reset the years. What happened happened. You need to deal with it’

Johnny snorted. ‘So, you are back on this hobby horse. Why don’t you just mind your business. You just can’t leave shit alone, can you. Just can’t leave me alone’ Johnny turned and started to walk towards the apartment.

Daniel got up and started to follow. Johnny turned and stopped, saw Daniel following him into the apartment. 

‘Oh, that’s it’ Johnny said with a smile. ‘You want to come in? Rekindle old times, is that it. Hoped I’d invite you in and we can...you know.’ He smirked at Daniel.

‘Johnny, I…. I wasn’t thinking about that’ Daniel stuttered.

‘Yeah right. You saw me and thought, hey there’s that guy I used to fuck. I wonder if he is still up for it. What’s the matter, LaRusso? The wife not doing it for you anymore?’ Johnny smiled at Daniel, but the smile wasn’t friendly. It made Daniel recoil.

‘I didn’t….’ he stopped. He sighed. ‘I’m sorry’

Johnny didn’t answer. He walked to the apartment and Daniel followed. Daniel closed the door behind him.

Johnny’s apartment hadn’t changed over the past six years. Daniel looked about as Johnny walked into the bedroom and came out a few minutes later wearing a new t-shirt. He watched as Johnny went to the fridge and got a beer. Johnny sat on the sofa and Daniel sat next to him.

‘Hey Johnny’ 

‘Hmmm’ Johnny responded.

‘I want to talk. Properly. I know you hate it but every time we see each other it only ends two ways. Fighting or…’ Daniel stopped.

‘Fucking?’ Johnny suggested with a smile.

‘Well.... yes’

‘At least we are consistent. Every time I see you know I am either gonna get shouted at or laid. It’s actually pretty exciting’

Daniel huffed out a laugh. ‘Yeah, I guess so. But I want us to talk. Not shout, not… anything else. Just talk’

‘What the fuck you always want to talk for? That’s why we always ended up in the sack. It’s the only way to get you shut the fuck up’ 

‘How about this? Let’s tell each other something real, something we have never said before to each other. I’ll go and then you go. No judgment, we are not allowed to argue with the other person, just listen’

Johnny looked at Daniel and rolled his eyes. ‘Jesus. Is that something you learnt in fucking marriage counselling or something. Did you ever tell your wife about us?’

‘She knows we had a thing when we were kids, but I didn’t tell her about the other times. Not sure she would still be with me if she knew’

Johnny laughed. ‘You told her about our little teenage romance. How did she respond?’

Daniel looked at Johnny and smiled. ‘She took it pretty well actually’ Daniel laughed. ‘She called you pretty’ 

Johnny laughed, choking on his beer as he did so. He coughed. ‘Well, she has good taste. I was real fucking pretty back then’

‘You’re still…’ Daniel stopped and looked down at his hands.

Johnny smirked. ‘Were you about to say that I’m still pretty, LaRusso? Ha! That’s funny. You need your eyes tested, LaRusso. I’m just getting old’ He laughed and drank his beer.

Daniel looked at him. ‘OK, I’ll go first. Truth, right? I always thought you were gorgeous. I still do’ 

Johnny stopped smiling and looked at Daniel. There was a pause between the two men. Johnny cleared his throat and got up, dumped his bottle in the trash and got another out of the fridge. He laughed, nervously. ‘Yeah, right LaRusso. You’re not gonna get me into bed that easily’ He sat down on the sofa, flicked his bottle cap across the room.

‘So’ Daniel said. 

‘So what?’

‘I said a truth. Tell me something real, something honest. Something I don’t know’ Daniel said, sitting back on the sofa.

‘Oh fuck, Daniel. What do you want? You want depressing? Embarrassing? Funny?’

‘Whatever you want to tell me’ 

‘OK. Something honest’ Johnny thought for a moment. ‘I can still get my leg all the way over my head’ Johnny said proudly.

‘What?’ Daniel said, confused.

‘You wanna see? I’m still super flexible. Just like when I was a kid’ 

‘That’s not what I meant! Something personal. Something that matters’ 

Johnny sighed. ‘Fuck sake’ He chewed his lip. ‘OK, LaRusso. You want personal’ He hesitated. ‘When I left, first went to New York, I slept with some guys for cash’

Daniel looked at him, open mouthed. ‘Are you serious?’ he asked. 

‘Close your mouth, LaRusso, flies will get in. And I am serious. I needed money, couldn’t even buy fucking food. It was depressingly easy. It was really depressing to be honest. Let me tell you, guys do not treat hookers well. No fucking respect.’ Johnny joked grimly, huffing out a laugh. He looked at Daniel. Daniel wasn’t smiling. 

Johnny stopped laughing. 

‘It didn’t last long. I was lucky, really. I got into a shelter and the woman who ran it was having none of that bullshit. You kept your nose clean and she’d help you. Gave me meals and a place to sleep. That woman saved my life’

Daniel was quiet. ‘I had no idea’

Johnny smiled sadly. ‘Hey, you said I was pretty. What else was I gonna do? Anyway, isn’t that the point of this game?’ Johnny asked him. ‘Now your turn. You gonna beat that?’

‘I need a drink for this game’ Daniel said, getting up. He opened the fridge, took out a beer. He downed a mouthful and grimaced. ‘How can you drink this stuff?’ 

Johnny shrugged.

‘OK. Something true’ Daniel thought. ‘I don’t like my son very much’

‘How old is he?’ 

‘Ten. He just isn’t very nice. To anyone. Maybe I’m not being fair. It’s probably my fault my kids are spoilt. I hated saying no to them because my mum had to say no to me so often. But it’s made him a brat’ Daniel took a drink.

‘You hate your kid. My kid hates me’ Johnny said. He took a drink.

‘He doesn’t hate you’ 

‘Oh, he does. I fucked it up with him. I tried but I am just not a very good dad. I wasn’t there. I would break promises. I see dads with their kids, and they make it look so easy, and I just wonder why it was so hard for me’ Johnny sighed.

Daniel looked at him. ‘Maybe everyone thinks they are doing a lousy job. I wonder if you were to ask those guys you see, I bet they feel they are getting it wrong as well’

‘Yeah maybe’ Johnny got up. ‘I need something stronger if we are gonna do this’ He got a bottle of whisky from the cabinet, two glasses. He sat on the sofa, placed them on the coffee table and poured two drinks.

Daniel took one. ‘Thanks’ He took a long drink. ‘You’re turn’

‘Nah, I went. My kid hates me, remember’

Daniel nodded. ‘OK Johnny. I’ve got another one for you. Do you know why I hate doing that crane kick?’

‘Because you look stupid and it’s a dumb move?’ Johnny said, taking a drink.

Daniel rolled his eyes. ‘No, because it makes my fucking hip hurt. It makes me feel old’

‘Oh dear. You got to that age where things are starting to ache. You need to stretch more. You can’t just go about crane kicking things without warming up. Trust me’ Johnny laughed. ‘Cheers to getting older’ He held his glass up and downed the remaining liquid. Daniel did the same.

Daniel poured himself another drink and drank it down. ‘Can I tell you something else? Something I have never said before?’

‘That’s the name of the game, LaRusso’ 

Daniel looked at Johnny. He took a breath. ‘You said once that I got over you years ago, that I had moved on? I never moved on. I married; I’ve loved other people. Fuck, I love my wife so much. But I never stopped loving you. Seeing you the other day was like getting hit by a train'

Johnny laughed nervously. 'Thanks, LaRusso. That's kind of you to say, compare me to a train wreck'

Daniel turned so he was facing Johnny. 'No, I mean it. I find myself looking for you in crowds, hoping that the tall blond guy in the distance is you. And that day in the showroom, it finally was you. You’re the love of my fucking life, Johnny Lawrence’ 

Johnny looked at him. He blew a breath out. ‘Jesus, LaRusso. You came here tonight to tell me that?'

‘Too much?’ 

‘Uh, I’m not sure’ Johnny got up. He downed his drink and started to pace. ‘What does this mean, LaRusso? We are so fucked up. Every couple of years we are back here and….’

Daniel got up. ‘And what?’

Johnny stopped and looked Daniel in the eye. ‘And I get my heart broken again’

‘I’m sorry, Johnny, if I ever hurt you’

‘What am I supposed to do with that information? What did you expect to happen?’ Johnny started pacing again, avoiding Daniel’s eyes.

'I don’t know, Johnny. I don’t know what to do. I’m a fucking wreck. I move on, make a life for myself, and there you always are, sitting in the corner of my mind’ Daniel took Johnny’s arm. ‘Stop pacing and look at me’

Johnny stopped and turned. He looked at Daniel. The sadness in his eyes broke Daniel’s heart, knowing that he had caused Johnny so much pain. Daniel moved his hand down his arm and took his hand gently.

‘I fucking love you, Johnny. I’m sick of pretending I don’t’ Daniel waited. Johnny was silent. ‘Johnny, what are you thinking?’

‘I’m thinking that I wish we had this conversation years ago. Before you went and got yourself married. All these years, and you suddenly turn up on my doorstep telling me you love me’ Johnny looked at Daniel bitterly, pulling his arm away. ‘I told you I loved you last time we were here, and you didn’t say anything. What changed?’

Daniel looked at Johnny, a painful expression on his face. ‘I wish I had said something back then. I was a coward. How do you feel about this? If you say the word, I’ll leave, and you’ll not see me again. I’ll leave you alone, let you get on with your life'

‘You don’t know what you are doing to me. I just don’t know Daniel. I don’t know if I can do this again’

Daniel took Johnny’s hands in his and looked him in the eye. ‘I love you Johnny. I’m sorry for everything, for hurting you, for leaving, I don’t know what to say. I’ve fucked up so many times. Please Johnny, just think about it’

Johnny looked down at his hand in Daniel’s. When he looked back up, he was smiling ‘You know, LaRusso, if you take me, Cobra Kai comes with me. You think you can handle that?’

Daniel stared at him, just blinking. He eventually smiled back. ‘Yeah, well, we can have that talk another time’ he teased. 

Daniel hesitated and then moved forward and kissed Johnny softly. Johnny kissed him back. It was a tentative kiss, unlike the past. It was the kiss of two men trying each other on after years apart. They parted and looked at each other. Daniel placed his hand to the side of Johnny’s face and smiled. Johnny moved forward and placed his forehead to Daniel’s. They stood like that for a moment, just taking each other in.

Daniel sighed. ‘I’m going to go, OK. I have a lot to do. I need to speak to my wife’ He stepped back. ‘I’ll see you soon, OK’ He smiled at Johnny and looked down. They were still holding each other’s hand. Now he had it he didn’t want to let go.

Johnny followed Daniel’s gaze to the hands, fingers intertwined. He looked up at Daniel. ‘You know you can’t take it with you’ 

Daniel looked up. ‘Hmmm?’

‘My hand. I’m gonna need it back’ Johnny teased.

Daniel laughed and let him go. ‘Oh yeah, sure’ He turned towards the door.

Daniel was about to leave when Johnny spoke. ‘Daniel. Don’t make promises you can’t keep’

Daniel stared at him.

‘Just...you know…. if you change your mind…. don’t string me along. Please. I don’t think I could take it’ Johnny said, hand rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Daniel smiled. ‘I won’t Johnny. I promise. I’m not going to hurt you anymore’

****************************

Daniel got home at 2.30am. He walked into his home and looked around. The home that he and Amanda had made together. He sat on the sofa. Was he really doing this? Was he really going to give it all up for Johnny? Every time he walked away his brain clouded with doubts, and then he would see Johnny and it just seemed like such a simple decision. 

Fuck, what would being in a relationship with Johnny Lawrence even by like. Could they live together? Would they kill each other? They were like the ultimate odd couple.

Daniel thought about his suits in his closet, next to Johnny ratty old band t-shirts and ripped jeans. He thought of his expensive wines next to Johnny’s bottles of Coors. Daniel smiled as he imagined them arguing over what to watch on TV, what to eat for dinner. Daniel trying to get Johnny to try his homemade sushi, while Johnny was happy to live on convenience meals from the microwave. 

As ludicrous as it sounded, Daniel realised that he wanted all of that. That he would happily spend the rest of his life bickering with the man if it meant he could see the way that Johnny’s blue eyes sparkled when he smiled. Fuck! He was in love. He had always been in love. He had to speak to Amanda. 

***************************

Daniel was at his desk, head in his hands. He was trying to read through the accounts, and he couldn’t get his mind on them. Daniel’s finance guy sat opposite him.

‘Are you OK, Mr LaRusso?’ He could tell that his boss had stopped listening a little while ago.

‘Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve got stuff on my mind. Do you mind if we pick this up tomorrow?’ Daniel felt bad. He was the one who had asked for the meeting and knew the other man had spent a lot of time preparing.

‘No worries, Mr LaRusso. Just put something in my diary and we can do this again’ He collected up his iPad and headed for the door. As he left the room, Amanda entered.

‘Hey babe. Are you OK?’ she asked, putting her hand on her husband’s shoulder. 

‘Oh yeah. I just have a headache. I might head home’ he got up.

‘Sure. I’ll be back later’ she kissed him on the head.

Daniel got in his car. He started to drive home. He wanted to see Johnny. It had been a week since his night-time confession. Johnny hadn’t been in contact and Daniel hadn’t contacted him. Daniel was wracked with guilt. Would Johnny think that he had changed his mind? Had Johnny changed his mind?

Daniel found himself driving to the Cobra Kai dojo. He was on autopilot. He parked up and got out, looking through the windows. There was a room full of kids, all in white. Daniel smiled. He should have been freaking out, the sight of that familiar Cobra Kai symbol but he didn’t. He knew the kids were in good hands. 

He looked for Johnny. And then saw him. Johnny was wearing a black sleeveless gi, black headband on. Is that what he wore to work? Fuck, he looked good, Daniel thought. All these years and that man could still make his mouth water. 

Daniel heard them finish up the class and opened the front door. Johnny was standing at the front of the room, talking to a dark-haired boy. The boy turned and looked at Daniel. 

‘Mr LaRusso?’ the boy said.

‘Hi. Do I know you?’ Daniel asked.

‘No... uh...I... uh... I’ve got to go. Sorry’ The boy ran away and into the back room. 

Daniel looked at Johnny with confusion. Johnny nodded his head towards the office, inviting Daniel to follow him. They went into the office and closed the door.

‘Who was that?’ Daniel asked.

‘Oh, that’s Miguel,’ Johnny said as he opened the filing cabinet, putting the day's paperwork away. 

‘How did he know me?’ Daniel asked. 

Johnny smiled. ‘You really want me to tell you. You won’t freak out?’

‘What? Just tell me, Johnny. What are you smirking at?’

Johnny moved closer to Daniel. ‘I think he’s dating your daughter’ he whispered.

‘Sam?’ 

‘Yeah. He’s like a lovesick puppy. They went on a date a couple of weeks ago and have a thing going on’ Johnny laughed at Daniel’s face. ‘Oh, come on LaRusso. You know what teenagers are like. Don’t have a heart attack. If it makes you feel any better, I think Diaz is more scared of her than she will ever need to be of him. He’s a good kid. Give him a chance’

Daniel sighed. ‘Christ. OK, I’ll try. I hate the thought of Sam dating anyone, so I suppose if you say he is a good kid, that’s something’

‘Anyway, what brings you here?’ Johnny asked, perching on the desk. 

Daniel leant on the cabinet. ‘Do I need to have a reason?’ He smiled. ‘I wanted to see you?’ 

‘Oh yeah’ Johnny smirked at him. ‘You couldn’t keep away. Well I told you, LaRusso. I am not going to be your mistress so you can keep your hands to yourself’ 

Daniel stepped closer to him. ‘I’m trying to deal with stuff at home. I just need you to be patient’

‘You’re not gonna pull that whole thing where you promise to leave your wife and never do. Because you're not getting laid until you do’ 

Daniel stepped closer to Johnny, moving one leg between Johnny’s. ‘I know’ He put his hands on Johnny’s arms. ‘I like the gi by the way. It’s very...you’

‘That a compliment?’ Johnny asked.

‘It is’ Daniel Johnny. Johnny put his hand round Daniel’s waist and Daniel ran his hand through Johnny’s hair, pulling him closer, kissing him deeper.

‘Hey Sensei…. Oh shit!’ They heard the door open and a voice behind them. Miguel turned and ran away from the room. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to…. I didn’t see anything’ Miguel ran for the front door. 

Johnny started laughing. Daniel chased after Miguel, but Miguel ran out of the front door. Johnny laughed harder. 

‘It’s not funny, Johnny. What if he tells someone?’ Daniel asked, angrily. ‘I still have a wife!’

‘Oh, don’t get your panties in a twist. I’ll speak to Miguel. He won’t say anything.’ Johnny laughed. ‘But I imagine he is not going to get any shit from his new girlfriend’s dad any time soon’ 

‘Oh, fuck off, Lawrence. I’m leaving’ Daniel started towards the door. 

‘Come back anytime, LaRusso’ Johnny called, smiling.

***********************

‘Can I talk to you?’ 

‘I’m sorry Sensei. I should have knocked. I didn’t mean to….’ Miguel looked at his Sensei, standing on his doorstep.

‘Come with me. I want to talk’ Johnny turned and walked. Miguel followed behind him, closing his apartment door behind him. Johnny got in his car and Miguel climbed into the passenger seat.

‘Are you mad at me, Sensei?’ he asked as Johnny started the engine.

‘No, I’m not mad. I just wanted to talk to you about what you saw. I want to explain’ Johnny said as he pulled out of the parking lot.

‘You don’t have to explain to me, Sensei. I just didn’t know you were…. into dudes, you know. It’s totally cool if you are. I don’t care’ Miguel was talking fast.

‘Let’s just go get some ice cream’ 

Johnny took Miguel to an ice cream bar and they sat at one of the small tables eating their cones.

‘So, you and Sam’s dad?’ Miguel started.

Johnny smiled. ‘First off, you know Daniel is married, don’t you?’

‘And Sam doesn’t know?’ Miguel asked.

‘No, she does not. And neither does his wife. And you can’t tell her. I know you two are close, but I am asking you as a friend, please don’t tell her. Me and Daniel are working through some stuff and she cannot know. You need to let Daniel speak to his family’

‘Are you two serious? How long has it been going on?’ Miguel asked, licking his ice cream from his fingers.

‘The two of us have had a thing on and off for about thirty-four years’

‘Shit’ Miguel said, wide eyed. ‘That long? What happened?’

‘We met when we were about your age, didn’t get on. I beat the shit out of him a few times. I was an asshole in school, like those kids who beat on you. We made up, became friends and something just clicked’

Miguel nodded. ‘So, what did you guys, like, go to college together or something?’ He was wide eyed.

Johnny smiled sadly. ‘No. My parents found out. They were upset, didn’t approve of their son being…. gay. They sent me away, wouldn’t let me see him’

‘Wow, Sensei. They were angry?’

‘Yeah. Things weren’t the same as they are now. People still got pretty upset about that kind of thing back then’

‘So, what happened?’ Miguel asked,

Johnny took a bite of his ice cream. ‘We have just kind of kept bumping into each other over the years. I lived on the other side of the country for a while, we didn’t see each other for years. But we always seemed to, I don’t know, be drawn back together. He broke my heart a couple of times; I think we’ve broken each other’s hearts over the years’ Johnny smiled. ‘And now we are back together. But he got married while we were apart and now…’

‘Will he leave his wife?’ 

Johnny sighed. ‘He said he plans to’

‘What if he doesn’t?’ Miguel asked.

‘Then I guess I get my heart broken again’ Johnny answered, matter of fact, finishing his ice cream.

‘I won’t say anything, Sensei, I promise’ Miguel thought for a while. ‘So, what are you? Gay? Bisexual?’ 

Johnny shrugged. ‘I guess I like both. What is that?’ 

‘Bisexual. Or pansexual’

‘What’s the difference?’

‘I’m not sure’ Miguel smiled. 

Johnny laughed. ‘How about this? I like Daniel. I don’t need a name for it’

‘Thanks for telling me, Sensei. For being honest with me’ Miguel finished his ice cream. He was suddenly excited ‘Hey, we could do something for the LBGT community, like, for Pride or something. Rainbows in the window. It would be awesome. I could put something on the website. It would help maybe bring more people to the dojo. Inclusivity and all that’ 

‘You are not putting fucking rainbows up in my dojo, Diaz. You can stop right there’ Johnny said, pointing his spoon at his student. ‘I told you, but I’m not exactly _out_ , if you get me’

‘But when you get with Daniel, he’ll be your boyfriend. Then you’ll be out, and I can put some rainbows up!’

‘Just eat your goddamn ice cream’

*************************

Daniel sat at his table. He was going to tell his wife tonight. He would just rip it off like a plaster, just tell her. He ran through what he was going to say.

_Darling, I love you, but I need to be true to myself. I’m in love with Johnny._

_I’m sorry, Amanda. I’ve been cheating on you. I love Johnny and we are going to live together._

_Please don’t hate me but I’m in love with someone else._

_Amanda, remember my ex who you called pretty. Well, surprise! I’m leaving you for him_

There was no way he could do without hurting her. Daniel paced, ran his hands over his face. No matter how he did this, they would be devastated. His wife, his kids.

_Sam, Anthony. Let me introduce you to your new Dad._

Christ, this was such a mess. Why did his life have to be so difficult? 

Daniel sat at the table, put his head in his hands. He tried to remember all the reasons why he wanted to be with Johnny. 

_Because I fucking love him._

Was that enough?

‘Hey, babe. You OK?’ 

Daniel’s head snapped up at the sound of Amanda’s voice. 

‘Is everything OK honey?’

‘Yeah, everything’s fine. Just worried about work, those finance figures, you know. I just need an early night’

Daniel got up, leaving Amanda looking after him with confusion.

*********************

As time passed and the seasons changed from Summer to Autumn, Miguel started to worry about his Sensei. He could see that Johnny was distracted, didn’t have his head in their lessons. The students had started to notice there was something wrong. Johnny was starting to turn up to classes unshaven, eyes red as if he hadn't slept.

Miguel knocked on his office door. ‘Sensei?’

‘What can I do for you Mr Diaz?’ he asked, not looking up from his magazine

‘Are you OK, Sensei? You look… well, you don’t look well, and I wondered…… if something had happened between you and Mr LaRusso? If you wanted to talk at all?’

Johnny smiled at his student. ‘I’m OK, Miguel. Thanks for asking. And no, nothing has happened’ He sighed. ‘Nothing at all, actually’

‘He’s still with his wife, isn’t he?’ Miguel asked sadly. 

‘It doesn’t matter. I’m fine. Get back to your training’ Johnny looked back down at his magazine, dismissing his student.

Miguel left the room. Johnny stared down at his magazine, not reading the words in front of him, painful lump in his throat.

***********************

Daniel sat in his car, looking at the apartment. He wanted to get out and walk to the door, but he didn’t dare. He was ashamed. Two months had passed since he had told Johnny he was going to leave his wife and Daniel hadn’t said anything to Amanda. He hadn’t seen Johnny for two weeks. The last time Daniel went to see him, they had fought. Johnny had called Daniel a coward and a bastard for putting him through this again. 

Daniel needed some advice. He picked up his phone, dialled.

‘Mum. Can I come by? I need to talk to you about something?’

Daniel drove away, headed towards his mother’s house. She answered the door with concern. Daniel never called just to talk.

‘Hey Mum’ she hugged him and led him into her home. Lucille lived in a comfortable one-story home that Daniel had helped her buy ten years ago. It suited her perfectly; high ceilings and a pleasant garden where she tended to her plants. A big kitchen with a large oven where she could experiment, still cooking from scratch like she always did.

They say on the sofa. ‘So, you don’t just call me out of the blue to talk. What’s on your mind?’

‘I need to talk to you about something. It might be hard to hear but I don’t know who else to discuss it with’

‘You can tell me anything, honey. What is it?’ She could see the stress on her son’s face and knew it was something serious.

‘Do you remember Johnny Lawrence?’ he started

‘How can I forget him? That poor, sweet boy. And his poor mother. She died, didn’t she?’

‘She did. A few years ago, now’ He took a breath. ‘I saw Johnny recently. I mean, I have been seeing him recently’ He looked at his hands.

They were silent for a moment. ‘You still love him, don’t you?’ Daniel looked up at his mother and she smiled. ‘A mother can always tell’

‘What do I do, Mum? Amanda and my family. How can I do this to them?’

Lucille took her son’s hands in hers. ‘Daniel, remember when I took you across the country. From Newark, all the way to California. We started again and are still here. Johnny left, went to New York. He started again. People sometimes have to start again to get what they need. If you need to start again with Johnny, then that’s what you need to do. It’s hard but if it’s worth it then you’ll make it work’

Daniel smiled at his mother. ‘You always know what to say’

She shrugged. ‘I’m your mother. That’s what I’m here for’

‘You once said to me that if it was meant to be, we would eventually be together. I always remembered that’ Daniel said.

Lucille smiled. ‘That does sound like something I would say’

***********************

Johnny stood in front of his class. His hands shook. He hadn’t slept in days, had sat up drinking each night, feeling like a fool. He had put his heart in Daniel’s hands just to have it crushed. Daniel wasn’t leaving his wife; Johnny knew that now. He should have known it. He felt so stupid for even dreaming that his life could be any different.

‘Sansei?’ Johnny heard a voice. ‘Are you OK’

Johnny looked up. His class were all looking at him. Some were looking at each other, concerned looks on their face, 

Johnny shook his head, looked at the class. ‘Uh…. sorry. Where were we?’

Miguel spoke up. ‘We were going to do punching drills, Sensei?’

‘Oh, yeah, right. Mr Diaz, warm them up’

Johnny walked away, back to his office. Miguel’s eyes followed him. 

The bell on the door sounded. The class looked up as Daniel walked in. 

‘Sensei?’ Miguel said. Johnny turned and looked at Daniel. Daniel smiled.

‘Can I talk to you, Sensei? In your office?’ Daniel asked.

Johnny shrugged. ‘Mr Diaz, take the class through their exercises’

Daniel followed Johnny into the office. The class watched as the two men left, sensing something happening in the room. 

The two men closed the door behind them. Johnny walked around his desk and sat down. ‘What do you want, LaRusso? I’m trying to run a class’

‘I have news’

‘Oh yeah’ Johnny refused to get his hopes up. Daniel put an envelope on the desk. ‘What’s that?’

‘Open it’ Daniel said, smiling.

Johnny opened the envelope and took out a document. Dissolution of Marriage.

Johnny didn’t speak for a moment, just stared at the paper. He swallowed and looked up at Daniel. ‘You did it?’ he said with amazement. 

‘I did’

‘But how? When?’ Johnny said, standing up. He moved around the desk to Daniel.

‘Me and Amanda had a talk about a week ago. I was honest with her. I love her but I’m not in love with her’

‘Shit. How did she take it?'

Daniel sighed. ‘OK. She is a good person, she got it. She’s upset but she isn’t going to make life difficult. We agreed on a no-fault divorce, didn’t want to spend months in court arguing. It will take about six months to be finalised, but this is the first step’

‘So, does this mean….?’ 

Daniel took his hands. ‘It means whatever you want it to mean’

Johnny looked at his hands in Daniel’s. ‘Can I think about this?’

Daniel stared at him. ‘Think about it? But….’ He was confused. ‘I thought we agreed…...?’

‘I just need some time, OK. The last few months have been tough, and I need some time to process it’

Daniel let go of Johnny’s hands. He picked up the documents and the envelope, putting the documents away. ‘Sure. You need some time. I get that. Just…. uh…. give me a call when you want to talk OK’

Daniel opened the office door and started to walk across the dojo. He was confused, He thought Johnny would be happy. He had done this for Johnny so they could be together. Was Johnny rejecting him now? He knew that this had been tough for Johnny, that they had been through a lot, but he never imagined that Johnny would be anything but thrilled. 

Daniel left the dojo and stood on the sidewalk.

Johnny moved to the front of the class. Miguel smiled at him. ‘Sensei, is everything OK?’ 

Johnny looked at him. ‘Yeah, I think so’. He stood for a few minutes looking into space. 

‘Sensei?’ Someone said.

‘One minute’ Johnny left the class, ran across the mat. He left the dojo. The class all looked around confused. Miguel ran to the window and, after a pause of confusion, the class followed him. They could sense something was happening.

‘Daniel, wait!’ Johnny jogged across the sidewalk. 

Daniel was standing at his car. He turned around. Johnny ran to him.

‘I’m sorry. I’m being stupid. I love you’ Johnny kissed him. Daniel kissed him back. Johnny wrapped his arms around Daniel’s waist.

They heard a cheer, and both looked up. The windows of Cobra Kai were full of teenagers watching them; shouting, cheering and whistling. 

‘Get back to training!’ Johnny shouted sternly.

Daniel laughed as the faces disappeared at the sound of their Sensei’s voice. Johnny turned back to Daniel and they kissed.

  
  



	6. 2018 Continued

**3 months later.**

‘Defeat does not exist!’

‘Johnny, wait! You can’t carry that all by yourself. You’re gonna hurt your back’

Daniel watched Johnny struggle out of the back of a van with a double mattress. He ran over and grabbed a corner, helping to lift it. They moved the mattress into the lobby of the apartment building and towards the elevators. 

‘I had it’ Johnny grumbled.

‘Yeah. Sure’ Daniel snorted. He smiled over at Johnny. The man was peering at Daniel over the mattress. ‘What?’

‘You wanna…. you know’ he nodded suggestively to the mattress. ‘When we get it in?’

Daniel laughed, rolling his eyes. ‘With the van double parked outside? No way’

Daniel had spent the last three months living at his late Sensei’s old home and was happy to finally be moving into an apartment of his own. He was especially glad that Johnny had agreed to move in with him. Daniel was under no illusion about what a big step this was for Johnny, after spending his whole life living alone, to agree to share a living space with someone else. 

Daniel had asked Johnny to live with him in the first month of their relationship and had quickly learned what a mistake that was. Whereas Daniel was trying to make up for lost time, Johnny was still tentative, as if he expected it to fall apart at any moment. Daniel had almost cried with happiness the day weeks later when Johnny had approached him, nervous and chewing his fingernail, to ask if the offer to live with him was still on the table.

After that Johnny had handed in his rental notice on his apartment, they had found a comfortable three bedroom in the perfect location and it was finally moving day. As they started to pack, Daniel had become a little embarrassed of how much stuff he had compared to Johnny. Daniel had filled a van, while Johnny had filled the back of his car.

The apartment was much nicer than Johnny was used to, with large bathrooms and a large patio area on the roof. There was even a gym and pool in the basement available to residents. It was more expensive than Johnny had intended but Daniel was happy to pay the bigger proportion for an apartment that suited his tastes.

As they dragged the last of their belongings into the space and looked around, Daniel took a long breath. There was still a lot to do, but he was happy. After leaving his family home, which he and Amanda had agreed to sell, and moving into the old dojo, he finally felt like he was somewhere he could call home again.

Johnny dumped the last box onto the floor and flopped down onto the sofa. He kicked off his shoes. Johnny looked up at Daniel.

‘You gonna stare into space or join me?’ he asked.

Daniel moved through the mess and sat next to Johnny.

‘Hey, you’ he said, before pulling Johnny in for a kiss. He pulled away and just looked at Johnny.

Johnny huffed out a nervous laugh. ‘What you looking at?’

Daniel smiled. ‘I just still can’t believe it’s you’

Johnny laughed. Daniel said this at least once a week. After so long he almost couldn’t believe that he was looking at the same man. That Johnny was finally his. He felt like he hadn’t stopped smiling for the past three months.

‘Hello, hello!’ They turned to a voice in the doorway.

‘Mum’ Daniel jumped up and hugged his mother. 

Johnny stood. ‘Hi, Mrs LaRusso’ he said with a small wave.

‘Don’t you Mrs LaRusso me! Come here’ Lucille pulled Johnny in for a hug. He hugged her back. 

Johnny was slowly getting used to Daniel’s mother’s hugs. She had almost crushed him into a hug the first time she had seen him again, a month into Daniel and Johnny’s new relationship. A part of him had wondered if she would remember him after all these years. Lucille could never have forgotten him and the impact Johnny’s presence and then disappearance had had on her son all those years ago. To see them back together was something that she had long stopped believing would happen. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen her son so happy.

‘So, are you boys getting settled?’ she asked, looking about the mess of boxes and bags of belongings, a mishmash of old and new furniture. They had a lot of work to do.

‘Getting there’ Daniel said. 

‘Well, I have brought you both something to eat. Just a little pasta that I whipped up. You can pop it in the microwave whenever you feel like taking a break’ 

‘That’s so kind of you’ Johnny said, taking the dish and placing it in their brand-new fridge. 

Johnny looked in the empty appliance. It was four times the size of his old one, with various wine racks and water and ice dispensers. Johnny had soon realised that when Daniel bought appliances, he only bought the biggest and best. When it had been delivered, Johnny had enquired as to when the starving hoards would be arriving to require its use. Same with their brand new oversize Rangemaster oven, newly delivered from a store in Europe, and a large silver coffee machine from which Johnny was still trying to figure out how to get simple black coffee. Daniel had laughed when he had found Johnny boiling water on the stove in frustration. Johnny thought he would never get used to all this new stuff but watching Daniel’s eyes light up when he cooked in his new kitchen was enough for Johnny to keep his opinions to himself. If Daniel was happy, Johnny was happy.

Lucille sat at their new kitchen table. ‘I wanted to show you something that I thought you two would get a kick out of’ She reached into her purse and pulled out a white envelope. ‘I knew I still had them somewhere’

She passed it to Daniel, and he opened the envelope, a confused look on his face. They were old polaroids, just four of them, that classic eighties red tinge to them. 

‘Oh my god, Mum. I can’t believe you kept these’ Daniel looked through them. He laughed. ‘Johnny, check these out’

Johnny took the photo from his hands. It was Johnny and Daniel, both teenagers, sitting on the floor of the small porch outside the old South Seas apartment. Daniel was crossed legged, limbs back then looking too long for his body. Johnny was shirtless, shades on, lounging back on his elbows. They were both smiling at the camera. 

Johnny stared at the photo. He couldn’t place his emotions. It was the first photo he had seen, having no mementos from that time. He looked so happy, so carefree. He remembered that time, the weather unusually hot. It was probably a week before that day at Johnny’s house, the day his life changed. The smiling boy in the photo had no idea where the next few months would take him. 

He looked up at Daniel and Lucille. They were smiling and laughing at the photos, commenting on the clothes of the time and her hair. Johnny felt a painful lump in his throat. He swallowed it down. He was trying so hard to be who Daniel needed him to be, that same carefree boy who Daniel remembered. He swallowed again and looked away from the photo, smiling.

‘Man, LaRusso, you had some terrible taste in clothing. What is with the camo pants? No wonder you got beaten up at school’ 

Daniel swatted his arm playfully.

*****************************

Daniel stood at the stove stirring a pot. He was making one of his favourite sauces from his mother recipe book. The car dealership was running him into the ground and coming home to cook was one of his favourite ways to unwind. The apartment was finally unpacked, and the kitchen had become Daniel’s domain. Johnny was happy to let him have it. 

Daniel looked up to the sound of the front door opening. Johnny was home. He stepped into the kitchen.

‘Hey, LaRusso. What you cooking?’ Johnny kissed Daniel on the cheek and opened the fridge. He took out a Coors Banquet and opened the bottle, drinking it in three mouthfuls. He opened another and took it to the sofa. 

Daniel looked round at the empty bottle on the counter. There were now four beers left in the fridge and he knew Johnny well enough to know that they would be gone by the morning.

‘Uh...spaghetti’ Daniel said. He turned the heat on the stove down to a simmer and followed Johnny into the living room. Johnny was sitting on the sofa with his feet on the coffee table flicking through Black Belt magazine. Daniel resisted the urge to tell Johnny to take his feet off the table. He said it every night and suspected that Johnny now only did it to annoy him.

‘Johnny, can we talk about something?’ Daniel said sitting down. 

Johnny looked at him suspiciously. He moved his feet slowly from the coffee table and smiled innocently. 

‘No, not that. But thank you. No, I... uh… wanted to talk to you about the booze’ he said carefully. 

Johnny looked down at the beer in his hands. ‘You want one?’ he asked.

‘No, Johnny. You…. uh…. you drink a lot’ Daniel started. ‘I’m gonna be honest, I’m worried about the amount you drink’ Daniel braced himself.

Johnny just looked at him. ‘You’re worried about how much I drink?’ he said, voice defensive. 

‘Yeah, Johnny. You drink a lot. Like, I know you drink at least six beers here each night and more at the dojo. You drive every day while drinking’ Daniel moved to sit next to Johnny. He took his hand. ‘I’m just worried about you. I’ve only just got you back and I don’t want anything to happen to you’

‘I’m fine, Danielle. You don’t have to worry about me’ Johnny said drinking his beer, trying to look nonchalant. He was desperate for this conversation to end. 

‘Well, I do. You know, you’re not getting any younger…’

‘LaRusso, did you just call me old?!’ Johnny said, mock outrage. 

‘No, I mean...’ Daniel started.

‘I am as strong as I’ve ever been, LaRusso’ Johnny stood up. ‘Come on, fight me. I bet I could still kick your ass’

‘I’m not gonna fight you, Johnny’ Daniel looked up at him, trying not to smile.

‘Yeah, I wouldn’t want to fight me either’ Johnny leant forward and kissed Daniel. ‘I’m gonna go and have a shower before dinner’ Johnny turned and left the room.

Daniel watched him walk away. He picked up the half-drunk bottle from the coffee table and took it to the kitchen, pouring it down the drain.

Johnny looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. He wasn’t ignorant to the way that Daniel watched him when he drank. He had seen it since they had moved in together and knew Daniel had been desperate to say something for a while. He ran his hands through his hair. 

Johnny had been to the doctors two days ago. Daniel had put Johnny on his health insurance, and they had made him go for a full medical check-up. Johnny couldn’t remember the last time he had visited the doctor and it had been intimidating sitting in office, waiting to hear about all the damage he had done to his body over the years. 

He had braced himself for the results and it came back as he expected it would. High liver enzymes. Really high. High enough for the doctor to have a serious conversation with Johnny about his drinking. 

Johnny pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and took out the flyer that the doctor had given him. AA. There were local meetings every night. ‘Just think about it’ the doctor had said. 

Johnny stared down at the flyer. He threw it into the sink. Johnny reached under the sink, found the box of matches Daniel used for his aromatherapy candles (Johnny couldn’t believe he lived in a home that had scented candles in the bathroom). He lit a match and set fire to the flyer, watching it curl up in the sink. Johnny ran the tap, reverting it to damp, black ash, letting it flow down the plug hole.

Johnny breathed out a long breath. He would cut down, he promised himself, but he didn’t need AA. He certainly didn’t want to discuss it with Daniel, his medical results or AA. He knew Daniel would only worry and between his divorce and the dealership, Johnny didn’t want to be another source of his stress. He would deal with it.

He turned the shower on and started to undress. 

***********************

‘Fuck, man. That feels good’ Johnny put his hands into Daniel’s hair as Daniel kissed his chest. 

Daniel ran his tongue up his partner's body, along his neck until he reached the man’s lips. ‘Hello, you’ he said as he kissed him, pushing his tongue into Johnny’s mouth.

Daniel took hold of him, hard in his hand. He started to stroke him, and Johnny started to moan. 

‘Jesus’ Johnny gasped. ‘Oh god, Daniel’

‘What? Tell me what you want, Johnny? He muttered into Johnny’s neck.

‘I want you… Christ…. I want you to fuck me. Please, Daniel’ Johnny begged

Daniel loved making Johnny beg. The man was never as honest and vulnerable as when he was in bed with Daniel and nothing turned Daniel on more than to hear Johnny’s moans and gasps as he touched him.

Daniel obliged, taking his lover deep and slowly, making him cry his name. Afterwards Daniel sat up in bed, reading sales reports as Johnny slept next to him. Daniel looked down at his sleeping partner. He touched Johnny’s forehead, pushing stray strands of hair from his forehead. The man murmured and turned in his sleep, curling down into the bed.

Daniel put his paperwork aside and turned his bedside light off. He lay on his side, pressing himself up against the body next to him. He loved how warm Johnny’s always was next to him. Daniel kissed Johnny’s shoulder before closing his eyes.

****************************

_Johnny was cold. He shivered as goose pimples rose on his skin. He was naked, his teenage self, his nakedness making him feel vulnerable. He looked down at the water. There was a thin layer of ice on its surface. He couldn’t see the bottom of the bath._

_‘Get in, Johnny’ Johnny turned towards the faceless man standing over him. ‘Get in the water. It’ll make you feel better. Don’t you want to feel better?’_

_Johnny turned back to the water._

_‘Get in, Johnny!’_

_Johnny turned. It was Daniel, as an adult, standing over him, but not a version of Daniel he recognised. This Daniel was distorted and not quite human. He was angry and Johnny was frightened of him._

_Daniel grabbed Johnny’s arm; his touch colder than the air around them. ‘Get in the water, Johnny’_

_Johnny looked back down, and the water wasn’t cold anymore, it was hot. Boiling hot. Johnny could see the water rippling with bubbles. Daniel’s hand on Johnny’s arm suddenly felt like it was burning him. Johnny tried to pull away, but Daniel held him. He could see his skin under Daniel’s grasp had turned black like charcoal. Johnny cried out at the sight of it._

_‘Get in, Johnny’ Daniel pulled his arm and Johnny stumbled forward, his foot breaking the surface of the water. Johnny screamed as the burning water bit into his skin._

‘Jesus’ Johnny awoke with a start. He sat up. His heart was racing. Johnny swung his legs over the side of the bed and put his head in his hands.

Johnny had suffered from nightmares most of his life, but they had come back with a vengeance the past few months and this one had been especially bad. He hadn’t told Daniel how often he was having them. Like the booze it was just another fucking thing in his life that he was not ready to have a conversation about. 

Johnny got up and moved quietly across the room, careful not to wake his partner. He pulled on his joggers, a T-shirt and found his trainers.

He did what he always did when the nightmares came back and went running. Johnny ran down the dark streets until his legs ached and his chest heaved with exertion. It was only starting to get light by the time he arrived back at the apartment. 

Daniel lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Daniel was a light sleeper and Johnny cried out when he had nightmares. He knew that Johnny had been having nightmares for a while now. 

He rolled over and looked at his phone. 3.23am. Johnny would be out running. He always went running after a nightmare. 

Daniel closed his eyes. Daniel knew Johnny well enough to know that trying to question him about it was pointless. Daniel had spent days working up the courage to attempt to discuss Johnny’s drinking, only to get pushed back. He knew he would get no further discussing the nightmares. 

It was only now occurring to Daniel just the extent of Johnny’s demons. And Daniel had no idea how to help him.

*************************

**2 months later**

************************

‘Hi Mr Lawrence, is my Dad home?’ Sam stood in the doorway of their apartment. She smiled brightly at her father’s partner. Sam has long gotten used to the idea of her father dating Johnny. Her brother was still angry at them all for the disruption to his life, but all Sam saw was that her parents were happy.

Johnny had expected anger and tears and for them both to hate him. To see Daniel’s daughter smile up at the man who broken up their family was always a surprise. Johnny had realised that two men living together wasn’t the drama it had been for his generation and, despite his opinions on how much weaker kids today were, he had to admit that their tolerance was something he grudgingly admired.

‘No, he’s out. He only went to the store. He should be back soon. You wanna come in?’ Johnny held the door open for her.

‘Sure. Thanks’ 

Sam stepped into the apartment and made her way to the living room. Johnny followed her. ‘You want a coffee or something?’

‘Yeah, that would be great.’

Johnny disappeared and came back a few minutes later with a mug. He passed it to Sam and sat in the chair opposite her. They sat in silence for a moment.

‘You know, you don’t have to call me Mr Lawrence. Johnny is fine’ he said, trying not to sound as nervous.

She smiled. ‘OK, Johnny’ She laughed. ‘Miguel isn’t going to like me calling you Johnny. To him, you’re Sensei’

‘Yeah, well that’s different. Mr Lawrence makes me sound like a schoolteacher’ He smiled. 

‘You know Miguel and I are still together’ she said shyly. 

‘Yeah, I heard. He spends most of his training with that goofy look on his face. Took an elbow to the teeth last week because he wasn’t concentrating. Too busy thinking about his girlfriend’ Johnny teased

She laughed and then looked shocked. ‘Oh! Who elbowed him in the teeth?’ 

‘I did’ Johnny said.

She laughed ‘You?’

‘Yeah. How else is he going to learn?’ Johnny looked genuinely confused about her questions. ‘If you can’t take it from your Sensei, how can you expect to handle yourself in the real world’

She laughed harder. ‘Yeah, I guess’

Johnny smiled. He couldn’t understand what was so funny, but it was good that he could make her laugh.

The apartment door opened and they both looked up as Daniel walked in, weighed down with shopping bags.

‘Sam, it’s good to see you. You staying for dinner?’ Daniel kissed her on the head.

‘Yeah, if that’s OK’

‘Of course.’ 

Daniel moved towards Johnny and kissed him lightly. ‘I’ve got your favourite’ Daniel said to Johnny. ‘I’m going burgers. Bacon and cheese, no green stuff’.

The three of them spent a pleasant evening together. Daniel was happy to see his partner and his daughter getting on so easily, laughing at each other's jokes. Daniel watched Johnny and noticed that he hadn’t touched a beer all evening. 

Sam decided to stay the night, sleeping in the spare room kept for whichever of Daniel and Johnny’s children decided to stay round. As Daniel watched her walk away, he considered how long it had been since he had seen Robby. He knew that he and Johnny had started to tentatively reach out to each other, Johnny fighting against his pride that made him refuse to reach out if Robby didn’t contact him.

They sat in bed that night. ‘Have you seen Robby recently?’ Daniel asked gently. He knew that it could be a sore subject for Johnny if things were not good between them.

‘Yeah, last week. We had lunch. He’s promised to go back to school but I don’t know how long that will last’ As he spoke Johnny moved towards Daniel wrapping his arms around him. Johnny started to crowd Daniel space in the bed and Daniel knew what he was looking for.

‘No Johnny, come on. Sam’s across the hall’ Daniel said, pushing him away.

Johnny nuzzled his neck. ‘I’ll be quiet’ He kissed Daniel’s jaw line.

‘No, really. It’s weird’ Daniel said, moving away.

Johnny huffed and backed off. ‘Fine, LaRusso. How you and your wife got laid at all with those kids in the house is beyond me?’ he grumbled.

Daniel laid down, turning the light off. ‘Well that was different. That wasn’t…’

‘Wasn’t what?’ Johnny asked, sitting up.

‘Nothing’

‘No, not nothing. Wasn’t what?’ Johnny pressed. He turned the light back on.

‘Well, you know. That was my wife. And we’re, you know….’

‘Oh, I get you. Fucking your wife is OK, but I’m just some dude right’ Johnny was raising his voice. 

‘Johnny, be quiet. She’ll hear you’ Daniel hissed. ‘Just go to sleep. Stop being so goddamn difficult’

Johnny sat for a moment. ‘Fuck you, LaRusso’ He got up and pulled his pants on. 

‘Johnny, come back to bed’ Daniel sighed, exasperated. 

‘No. I’m not tired. I’m going out’ Johnny was dressed and started looking for his shoes.

‘Fine. Suit yourself. I have to get up in the morning’ Daniel turned and closed his eyes.

Johnny went to leave the room. ‘Fucking asshole’ he muttered before closing the door. 

Daniel laid in bed. He could be stubborn as well and he wasn’t getting up to follow Johnny. He had an early morning. Johnny can just sulk by himself, Daniel thought as he drifted off to sleep.

Johnny went into the kitchen, only the streetlights outside lighting the room. He went to the fridge. He has been telling himself he would keep off the beer and had gone the whole day without one. But he was pissed off. If Daniel only saw him as some guy he was fucking, then who cared what Johnny did. 

Johnny pulled a bottle of beer out of the fridge, flicking the bottle cap across the room. He drank it down quickly, followed by a second one. He opened a third bottle and left the apartment with it. He was going to go for a walk.

The next morning Daniel woke to see a blond head sleeping next to him. He knew how the next few hours would go. They were both too stubborn to acknowledge an argument and no way would they apologise. When he and Johnny argued it would usually end in a silent treatment, until one of them broke the silence with something totally unrelated, like the offer of tea or a comment on something on the radio. After that they would go back to normal. Daniel knew it wasn’t the healthiest way to end an argument but damned if he was going to be the one who apologised. Johnny was the one who stormed out.

At the same time, he was glad that Johnny had come home. It would have worried him if Johnny hadn’t, no matter how pissed off he was. 

Daniel rolled over and climbed out of bed, leaving the other to sleep. He found Sam in the kitchen making breakfast. 

‘Morning, honey’ he kissed her on the head.

‘Morning, Dad. Johnny not up?’ she asked. She handed him a mug of coffee. 

‘No. Let him stay in bed. You want a ride to school’

‘No, my car’s outside. Dad, I heard someone leave last night?’ she asked tentatively.

Daniel ran his hand through his hair. ‘Uh...yeah. That was Johnny. Nothing to worry about, honey. He needed some air, that’s all’

She looked at him. ‘Uh huh. Is everything alright with you guys?’

Daniel looked at his daughter. When did she become an adult and stop being his little girl? She looked at him just like her mother did and she suddenly seemed very grown up.

‘It’s fine. We had a little disagreement, but everything is fine. We can both be stubborn bastards sometimes’ he put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. 

****************************

**1 month later**

****************************

‘Hey Daniel, can I….’ Johnny stopped in the doorway. ‘What are you doing?’ 

‘Having a bath’ Daniel was sitting in a bath full of bubbles, reading a book, surrounded by candles. He didn’t look up from his book.

‘It’s two in the afternoon? And you already showered this morning. How dirty do you get?’

Daniel sighed and put his book aside, his peace officially ruined. ‘It’s my day off, I wanted to relax in a bath. Is there a problem with that?’ 

‘Nah man, I suppose not’ Johnny looked at him and smiled. ‘In fact…’ he started to take his clothes off ‘.... I’m getting in’ He pulled his T-shirt over his head and kicked his jeans and underwear off.

‘No, Johnny. It’s not big enough’ Johnny was starting to step into the water. ‘I’m trying to read my book. Oh, for fucks sake’ Daniel shifted as Johnny got into the water. The water level rose, and water ran over the side of the tub. 

Johnny laid back against Daniel, his blond head under Daniel’s chin. He turned his head towards him. ‘You’re right. Daytime baths are pretty relaxing’ Johnny closed his eyes.

‘It’s like living with a goddamned orangutan’ Daniel placed a handful of bubbles on Johnny’s head. He smiled and laid his head back on the rim of the bath.

**************************

Daniel and Johnny sat at their table that evening, eating dinner, Daniel scrolling through his iPad. Johnny ate, watching him. 

‘You still working?’ Johnny asked.

‘I am?’ Daniel said, not looking up. He could feel Johnny watching him and refused to look up. 

‘What you working on?’ Johnny asked, peering round at the screen.

‘Our stand at the awards’ Daniel said. ‘I’ve got to have it finished by tomorrow for it to be ready in time’ 

‘What awards?’ Johnny asked.

Daniel looked up. He started at Johnny and put his iPad down. Johnny smirked at him.

‘The awards ceremony on Friday. The one I have been talking about for weeks. The one that I asked you to get a suit for’ Daniel said, pointedly. ‘You did get a suit, didn’t you?’

‘Yeah, I’ve got a suit. Don’t worry, LaRusso’ Johnny said nonchalantly.

‘Johnny. Did you buy a new suit?’ Daniel asked, a warning tone to his voice. 

‘A new suit? No. I found one in a dumpster. It’s only slightly fire damaged’ Johnny said with a smirk.

Daniel smiled. ‘OK Johnny. I get it’ He hesitated. ‘Can I see it before we go?’

Johnny laughed. ‘You don’t trust me to buy a suit to wear to your fancy awards dinner’

‘That’s not what I am saying. I just want to see you in it’ 

Johnny let out a huff. ‘Fine! I’ll show you the suit’ 

Johnny got up and Daniel watched him leave the room. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Johnny, but he had a specific idea of the suit that he wanted Johnny to wear and it had taken all of his mental strength not to just go out and buy Johnny something. He knew how much Johnny objected to having anyone buy clothes for him. His unique taste of jeans and t-shirt was clearly just too nuanced for Daniel to understand, Daniel thought with a smile.

‘Here it is? What do you think?’ 

Johnny stepped into the room in a brown polyester suit with a faded yellow shirt. He was wearing a tie that was a slightly different shade of brown, just different enough to clash horribly.

‘What the fuck is that?’ Daniel asked, mouth open.

‘My suit. Do you think your car salesman friends will be impressed’ Johnny asked, smirk on his face.

‘You are not wearing that thing. Where do you buy that? Goodwill?’

Daniel looked so distressed that Johnny couldn’t keep a straight face anymore. He cracked up laughing. ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t keep a straight face anymore. You should see yourself’

‘That’s not the suit is it?’ Daniel asked.

‘No. I bought a proper suit. Don’t worry, LaRusso’ He looked down at his old suit. ‘I’m gonna take this thing off’

‘Yeah, and then we are going to burn it so you can never put it on again’ Daniel said laughing.

‘I don’t look good in this?’ Johnny spun round.

‘Even you can’t pull that suit off. Can I see the one you did buy?’

Johnny stepped towards Daniel and wrapped his arms around his neck. He kissed Daniel on the head. ‘No. It’s a surprise’

**********************

‘Johnny. Where have you been? We are going to be late’ 

Daniel was standing in the middle of the apartment, dressed in his grey suit with a blue tie. The awards dinner was tonight, and he had been pacing for an hour, waiting for Johnny to get home. He was nervous about the evening, wanted it to go ahead without a hitch and Johnny coming home late from the dojo was not a good start. 

‘Don’t get you panties in a bunch, Danielle. I have loads of time’ Johnny kissed Daniel on the cheek and went to the kitchen for a beer. He came back into the living room, bottle in hand.

‘We do not have loads of time. A cab is picking us up in twenty minutes and you haven’t even showered’ Daniel ran his fingers through his hair and then smoothed it down again. He was trying to stay calm.

‘Twenty minutes is plenty of time, LaRusso’ He placed his hands on Daniel’s shoulders and looked him in the eye, ‘Don’t worry. The evening will go fine. Now stop blabbing and let me get ready’

Johnny stepped past him and into the bathroom. Daniel heard the sound of the shower and breathed out a long breath. He sat on the sofa.

Daniel waited and heard the sound of the bathroom door opening and Johnny crossing the hall. He looked up at the clock. Ten minutes. He looked at his watch again. Eight minutes.

Daniel knew he was being foolish. He knew Johnny didn’t need much time to get ready, he knew more than anyone that the man could be out of bed and out of the house in ten minutes. Twenty minutes was more than enough time. The truth was this was the first work event that Daniel would be attending without Amanda as backup. The two of them had been a team for so long that Daniel couldn’t remember how to do these things by himself.

And Johnny. Daniel’s colleagues and those in the local industry knew that Daniel and Amanda were no longer together, but none of them had met Johnny. He wanted the evening to go well, not only for the business but for himself. Johnny was a part of Daniel’s life and, he had to admit, he wanted Johnny to fit in. He was anxious.

A voice broke his thoughts. ‘What do you think, LaRusso? Am I suitably attired to meet your fancy business friends?’

Daniel looked up at Johnny. The man was wearing a navy suit with an off-white shirt and maroon tie. He looked phenomenal. The colour of the suit brought out Johnny’s eyes, making them look an even brighter shade of blue. The cut showed off his broad shoulders and slim waist. The maroon perfectly complemented the blue of the suit and the colour of the shirt was softer than pure white, bringing the colours together perfectly. 

‘Close your mouth, LaRusso. Flies will get in’ Johnny said with a smirk. ‘I take it from that look on your face that I pass?’

‘Johnny...you look….’ Daniel breathed. He got to his feet and crossed the room to kiss his partner. ‘You look incredible’ He stood back and looked Johnny up and down. ‘That suit is amazing. Where did you get it?’

Johnny found that he was actually embarrassed about Daniel’s reaction. He was pleased with the suit and knew it suited him, but Daniel was looking at him with outright awe.

‘Uh…. I called your ex-wife and she helped me. We went shopping. It’s been a long time since I had a chance to shop in Beverly Hills’ 

Daniel was still examining suit. He found the label. ‘Johnny, this is Hugo Boss! How did you afford this?’

Johnny smiled at Daniel and kissed him on the nose. ‘We stole your credit card’ he said with a smile. ‘I figured you wanted me to look good sooo…. your wife told me where you keep it and we helped ourselves. She told me that if you freaked out, we could just expense it to the company’ Johnny spoke quickly. ‘Are you mad?’

Daniel laughed. ‘No, I’m not mad. You look great’ He stopped. ‘What happened to that awful brown thing?’

Half an hour later the cab pulled up outside the Four Season. Johnny climbed out of the cab and took a deep breath. He knew how much this night meant to Daniel. He looked down at his hands. They were shaking. He clenched his fists. He needed a drink.

Daniel smiled at Johnny and took his hand as they entered the venue. As they walked through the lobby a woman in a black suit and bow tie handed them both a glass of champagne. 

They stepped into the room and Daniel smiled, breathing in the atmosphere. LaRusso Autos was up for three nominations, including Sales Team of the Year, and Daniel was optimistic. The LaRusso team were well known for being the best in the Valley. That, and they were one of the main sponsors of the evening and had spent a fortune on campaigning. Daniel and Amanda had spent months on this evening and they never put this much effort into something without it paying off.

Daniel turned to Johnny and took his hand. They started to move through the room. Everyone was fascinated to learn about the mystery man who had come between Daniel and Amanda.

Johnny was at his most charming. The suit had given him a confidence boost and he was smiling and shaking hands. Daniel kept him by his side. There was a constant flow of champagne and Johnny was starting to feel himself get that warm and fuzzy feeling that came with the first couple of drinks. 

Daniel looked at his partner, his blue eyes sparkling. Daniel knew as well as anyone that Johnny could be charmer when he wanted to be, and Johnny was pulling out all the stops. People who Daniel had never been able to get any time with were all over Johnny. 

A member of the exec team of one of the biggest car rental firms in the state had suggested partnering with LaRusso Autos after discovering a shared love of eighties metal with Daniel’s partner. The manager of a hotel chain who had not even considered talking to Daniel was now suggesting lunch next week after a flash of Johnny’s smile. Daniel would consider offering Johnny a salesman job if he thought for a second the man would take it. Johnny was real and honest, and Daniel realised how much that appealed to people. They didn’t even seem to mind how much Johnny cursed. Daniel was amazed to see that it seemed to make people laugh rather than offend them.

A woman passed Johnny another glass of champagne. He never drank champagne and it was having a different effect to the usual beer and whisky. He was feeling warm and hazy around the edges. People were laughing at his jokes and he was feeling cocky and charming. He was having a good time.

Daniel felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Amanda behind him, looking as amazing as usual, in a dark green dress. She smiled and they hugged. 

They broke apart and Amanda looked towards the bar, where Johnny was at the centre of a group of men, the sound of laughter crossing the room.

‘So, it looks like Johnny is a hit’ Amanda said, smiling.

‘Yeah. He can be a charmer when he isn’t being a pain in the ass’ Daniel said with affection. He turned to Amanda. ‘Thank you for helping him with the suit. How was he?’ Daniel couldn’t imagine shopping with Johnny and would be eternally grateful to his wife for taking that job off his hands. 

‘Oh my god, it was amazing’ Amanda said with playful excitement, a teasing look in her eye. ‘It was like having my own Ken doll. He tried on anything I gave him without a single complaint and, I have to say, he fills out a suit well. Underneath the ripped jeans and flannel shirts, you have a fine-looking man on your hands there’ Amanda nudged her ex-husband. 

Daniel laughed. He loved his ex-wife dearly and her grace and good humour during the separation had made him love her more than ever. She never ceased to amaze him.

The sound of a bell echoed around the room, telling the guests to take their seats as dinner was about to be served.

Daniel crossed the room and extracted his partner from the group that had formed around him. He wrapped his arm around Johnny's waist as they walked to the table.

They walked towards their table and Daniel’s heart sank. They were stuck on a table with Tom Cole, Daniel’s biggest rival in the Valley and a man who never failed to rub Daniel up the wrong way, 

‘Hey, look. It’s the Valley’s very own Karate King’ Tom said loudly to the table. He looked towards Johnny. ‘And his queen’ 

Daniel felt Johnny tense up next to him. He squeezed his partner’s hand and Johnny squeezed back, 

‘Hi Tom. How’s business?’ Daniel said, jaw clenched, as he sat down, 

Johnny sat next to him and reached for one of the complimentary bottles of wine in the middle of the table.

‘Bigger and better with each passing year’ Tom said with a smile. He looked at Johnny. ‘Are you going to introduce me to the man who split up team LaRusso?’ He took a sip of his drink, a smirk on his face. 

‘Johnny, this is Tom of Cole’s Autos. His sense of humour is almost as non-existent as his customer base’ Daniel said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

‘Charmed’ Johnny responded, voice tense as he downed a large mouthful of red wine.

‘Oh Daniel, I’m just playing with you’ Tom reached across the table to shake Johnny’s hand. ‘Tom Cole. Good to meet you’

Daniel started to breathe a little easier as the tension on the table cooled down. He could tell that Johnny didn’t like the other man, but he seemed to be relaxing. Daniel was conscious that Johnny was quickly working his way through a bottle of wine, but he was choosing to enjoy the evening and take one night off worrying about Johnny.

Dinner was served, plates removed, and the conversation flowed. Daniel and Tom gossiped amicably about some of their rivals and there was plenty of laughter. Johnny didn’t say much but his hand was a reassuring weight in Daniel’s knee.

Daniel looked up to see Amanda trying to catch his attention. She gestured for him to join her. 

‘Excuse me. I’ll be back in a moment’ Daniel stood and left the table.

Johnny drank the remainder of his glass. He looked around the room. His vision was getting fuzzy. He should definitely order a coffee to try and sober up a little. He didn’t want to get flat out drunk tonight.

‘So, Johnny’ Tom said. Johnny looked at him. ‘I had heard about you, but I was surprised when I saw you. You are nothing like I expected’

‘Oh yeah, how’s that?’ Johnny topped up his glass. He drank a mouthful of wine.

‘Well, you know. You hear that Danny-boy has shacked up with some dude and you expect one of those West Hollywood fairies, you know’ Tom said with a friendly smile. 

Johnny stopped drinking mid mouthful. His jaw tensed. He really fucking hated this guy. If it wasn’t for the fact that it was Daniel’s big night, Johnny thought, he would lay him out in the parking lot. 

‘A West Hollywood fairy, huh?’ Johnny said, warning tone to his voice. 

‘Yeah, man. No offence but you’re a big guy, look like you can take care of himself. Would never have assumed you would be into a guy like Daniel, you know’

‘Yeah, well. People surprise you’ Johnny muttered.

There was a moment of silence and Johnny had hoped that the conversation would end there. He sighed as the man continued to talk.

‘Hey, man. You know what I always loved about your people?’ Tom said, friendly as anything.

Johnny decided then and there that he needed something stronger. He gestured to the waiter. ‘Scotch please. Large’

He looked back at Tom. ‘So, what do you love about ‘my people’’? Johnny asked, a bored tone to his voice.

Tom took a drink. ‘I always thought it’s great that you guys are not into, like monogamy, you know what I mean. It’s like you guys weren’t able to get married for so long, you just said, fuck it, and slept with whoever you want. You guys, you have your clubs, fooling about in the bathrooms. You just don’t give a shit, you know. It’s great. I admire it’ 

A drink was placed in front of Johnny and he started to drink. The other man continued to talk.

‘I bet you’ve had some crazy time’s in your past. Daniel’s pretty buttoned down but you look like a guy who knows how to party, you know’ Tom laughed.

Johnny finished his drink. He waved to the waiter. ‘Another scotch. Just bring me a bottle. Charge it to this guy’s tab’ Johnny gestured to Tom.

Tom stared at Johnny for a moment and then laughed. ‘Sure. Why not. I’ll join you’

A bottle and two glasses were placed on the table and Johnny filled his glass. He started to drink. He could feel the world starting to close in on him as the alcohol took hold.

‘So, what do you do? Or does Danny-boy keep you?’ Tom said. 

Johnny didn’t know whether the man was deliberately trying to wind him up, but Johnny could feel himself getting angry. Fuck this guy.

‘Oh no, I don’t work’ Johnny said sarcastically, finishing another drink, before starting another. ‘I just find a guy and let him buy me presents, you know. Then move onto the next’

Tom looked at him; he couldn’t tell whether Johnny was serious or not. He laughed.

‘Hey man, I’m a libertarian. Live and let live, that’s what I say. People are always telling us how to behave, how to act. The government is always saying what is and isn’t right. Take hookers right, they keep on talking about how horrible it all is. But if someone likes sex and wants to make money from it, I say let them. I had these guys from a charity asking for money and they were all about how terrible it is, that so many of them are victims or some shit. I don’t buy it. They fucking love it! Why else would they do it?!’ Tom barked out a laugh.

Johnny stared at the man for a moment. As far as Johnny was concerned this guy had a lot of opinions about something he knew nothing about. The man had hit a nerve with Johnny, and he could feel himself getting angry. He wanted to tell him some home truths. Any thought of Daniel disappeared. 

‘Hey man, I ended up doing that shit and…...’ Johnny started, angrily.

‘Oh yeah. That’s cool. I get you. Must have been fucking awesome. Getting laid and getting paid’ 

Johnny was losing his temper. The scotch, the wine and the champagne were taking Johnny over the edge. He was drunk and was starting to feel out of control. He didn’t give a shit anymore. Johnny forgot where he was and only wanted to tear into this guy.

‘Oh yeah, man it was fucking awesome’ Johnny said angrily. ‘There was this one awesome time when I was two days away from my eighteenth birthday and this guy fucked me, and then instead of paying me, he beat the shit out of me’

Tom choked on his drink in shock. 

‘And another time, some guy gave me twenty dollars to suck his dick, so I could buy a meal. But I was so fucking sad about having to suck a stranger’s dick for food, that I spent the money on booze instead’

Johnny’s voice was getting louder and Tom had stopped laughing. People from the adjacent table could hear Johnny and were starting to look round.

‘That was so fucking awesome, right? And then, once, in an alleyway, this big fucking guy decided he was going to….’

‘Johnny!’ 

Johnny looked round; eyes hazy. ‘What?’ His voice slurred. 

Daniel was staring angrily at him, Amanda standing behind him, a pained expression on her face. 

‘Shut the fuck up, Johnny. You’re drunk and you’re shouting. No one wants to hear about that shit’ Daniel was furious. Johnny’s voice had travelled around the room and all of Daniel’s colleagues and industry peers had heard. 

‘Fuck you, LaRusso. I’m just trying to have a conversation with this asshole’ Johnny stood up. He stumbled. Johnny realised as he stood just how drunk he was. He looked round and saw people were looking at him, could see the eyes staring his way. 

‘Fuck you all’ he muttered before making his way across the room. 

Johnny staggered out into the night air. He could hear someone shouting behind him. Johnny turned. Daniel was stalking towards him. 

‘Leave me alone, LaRusso. I’m going home’ Johnny turned and started to walk away.

‘Don’t you dare walk away from me, Johnny. How can you do this to me? What is the matter with you? Why can’t you just be fucking normal for one night?! Why do you always have to be such a fuck up!?’

Daniel was shouting. He was furious. All his frustrations at Johnny were coming out in an angry torrent.

‘There’s nothing wrong with me’ Johnny mumbled.

‘Oh yeah? You’re a fucking drunk! You know it, I know it, and now everyone in there knows it’ Daniel waved his arms wildly behind him towards the hotel. ‘You’re an alcoholic and you refuse to do anything about it because you’re a fucking asshole. I care so much about you and you don’t give a shit! Well, fuck you, Johnny. I give up. I am not going to watch you drink yourself into the ground. We’re done. Done!’ He was screaming at Johnny.

Johnny just stood, swaying, stumbling every now and then. ‘Fine’, was all he said.

Johnny turned and walked away, leaving Daniel standing in the parking lot. 

Daniel turned and walked back up the stairs of the hotel. 

*************************

Johnny woke up. He rolled over. The bed next to him was empty. Daniel hadn’t come home last night. Johnny climbed out of bed, putting his head in his hands. He was so hungover.

Johnny staggered out of the room and into the kitchen. His head pounded. 

He remembered the night before. Despite the amount of alcohol he had drank, he remembered every moment. That prick Tom Cole. The eyes on him as he lost his temper. Daniel’s anger. Daniel telling him that there was something wrong with him. Daniel telling him that it was over. Daniel saying that he was done with him. 

He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. Johnny felt like he was going to cry. He had fucked things up again. Daniel was done with him. Johnny was alone. Again.

He was so angry. At himself. At his fucking drinking. At his inability to just fit in. 

Johnny turned and grabbed the handle to the fridge. He pulled out the six pack of beers. He opened the first and started to pour it down the sink. Johnny dropped the bottle into the sink. He opened the second and started to pour it away, dropping the bottle on top of the first. He opened bottles and poured them away.

Johnny turned to the whisky on the shelf, opened the bottle and poured it away. A bottle of rum followed it. He took two bottles of wine from the shelf and a flavoured gin. They all went down the drain. He dropped all the empty bottles into the sink.

Johnny turned and walked back to the bedroom. He opened his closet and pulled out his large duffle bag and started to fill it with as much as he could pack. 

Bag slung over his shoulder; Johnny left. 

*****************************

Daniel took a breath and entered the apartment. He needed to speak to Johnny. He’d spent the night at Amanda’s and in the light of day he was still angry at Johnny, but he had said some things that he didn’t mean. He felt awful.

Amanda was in full damage control mode. He had left her to smooth everything out while he sorted out his personal life, 

‘Johnny!’ Daniel called. Daniel looked into the bedroom. It was empty but he was pleased to see the bed had been slept in. At least Johnny had managed to get himself home. 

The apartment was empty.

Daniel stepped into the kitchen. He saw the sink. Daniel picked up an empty bottle. This was every drop of alcohol in the apartment, including the bottles that Johnny would never touch; Daniel’s wine and a bottle of cherry gin that they both hated but had never gotten round to throwing away. They had all been poured away.

Daniel sighed. When Johnny came home, they would talk. 

He collected up the bottles and threw them into the trash.

*****************************

It got late. Daniel looked up at the clock, it was 10pm and Johnny hadn’t come home. Daniel was starting to worry. Daniel knew that Johnny had a right to be mad at him. He had said some awful things the night before and was desperate to apologise.

Amanda had called. She had worked her magic and as far as everyone was concerned, Daniel’s partner had a troubled past that he was trying to move on from and Tom Cole had provoked him. Tom had even called Daniel wanting to apologise to him and Johnny. Tom knew he was coming out as the bad guy in all of this and was doing his own damage limitation. None of the contacts from the evening had changed their mind about working with LaRusso because of the argument. 

Amanda once again had amazed Daniel and he would be eternally grateful to her for dealing with this.

But Johnny was still not home. Daniel had tried calling but the phone just rang before going to voicemail. He started leaving messages.

‘Johnny. Look I’m sorry, OK. I said some shit I didn’t mean, and I want to talk. Just come home and we can sort this out’

‘Johnny, please call me. I’m getting worried that something has happened to you. Call me when you get this’

‘I’m sorry, Johnny. Please just call me. Please’

‘I know you're mad at me, but I just need to know that you are OK. I’m shitting myself here. Just tell me you are, OK. I need to know you are not dead in a ditch somewhere. Please’

It was two in the morning when Daniel’s phone eventually made a sound. Daniel was still awake, and he grabbed his phone. A text message, only three words.

_I’m not dead_

Daniel immediately called the phone, but it didn’t even ring, it went straight to voicemail. Johnny had turned his phone off. 

Daniel had a sudden realisation. He jumped up and pulled open their closet. Johnny’s clothes were missing. His duffel bag was gone. Johnny had left. 

**************************

A week later and Daniel had still heard nothing from Johnny. As he walked around their quiet apartment Daniel felt like there was a gaping hole in his chest. He could hardly breathe for missing Johnny. It was like a physical pain. He found himself just walking from room to room, the apartment feeling so big and empty.

Johnny was such a physical presence in the apartment, he took up so much space and without him, it felt twice the size. Daniel could hardly stand to be there alone but couldn’t bear the thought of Johnny coming home and Daniel not being there. He had taken to sitting in the living room jumping at any noise outside their door.

Daniel had tried everyone in Johnny’s life. No one had heard from him apart from Robby, and Robby wouldn’t disclose anything to Daniel, no matter how much he begged. The Cobra Kai dojo had been closed since Johnny had left.

Eventually Daniel tried the only other person in Johnny’s life.

‘Hello’ a voice said.

‘Bobby, it’s Daniel’ 

Bobby sighed. ‘Hi Daniel. I’ve been waiting for you to call’ 

‘Bobby, Johnny’s gone missing. I have called everyone and I’m so worried. Have you seen him?’ Daniel said desperately.

‘Daniel, he’s with me’

Daniel breathed out a long breath. ‘Oh, thank god. Can I talk to him?’

Bobby hesitated. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. He’s dealing with some stuff and he has asked not to speak to you’

‘Oh. Uh…. OK’ Daniel felt utterly dejected. ‘How is he?’

‘He’s alright’ Bobby said. ‘Look, Daniel, I need to go, OK.

Daniel ran his hand through his hair. ‘I understand’ he said sadly. ‘Just tell him I love him, OK, and I’m sorry for everything’

‘I will. Bye Daniel’ The other man hung up. Daniel stood listening to the dial tone.

Daniel could feel a lump in his throat. He missed Johnny so much and to hear that he didn’t want to speak to him hurt. Daniel’s knees went out from under him and he started to cry.

****************************

The next weeks were some of the worst of Daniel’s life. He could only compare it to when Johnny had disappeared back when they were teenagers. At least this time Daniel knew Johnny was with a friend, but it was that familiar pain, as if a limb was missing.

Daniel had spent weeks sleeping with Johnny’s pillow in his arms. It still had the ghost of Johnny’s scent on it. His aftershave, the cheap apple scented shampoo that Daniel had hated so much when he was there, and just that familiar scent that was Johnny. It all at once comforted Daniel and ate away at him.

Amanda stopped in regularly to see Daniel and Sam stayed over most nights. When Anthony had heard that Johnny had left, all he asked was whether that meant his mum and dad were getting back together.

Sam was growing more and more concerned about her father. She had never seen him like this. He was like a ghost of who he once was. Only now did she see how much her father loved the other man. It was as if Daniel and Johnny fit together like puzzle pieces and with Johnny gone, Daniel wasn’t whole. 

Five weeks after the night of the award ceremony Daniel sat looking at his iPad. He was trying to get back to work. Amanda had understood his head not being in LaRusso Autos and Daniel had been on personal time, but it was becoming clear that Johnny wasn’t returning. Daniel knew it was time to pick up his life and move forward. The pain of Johnny’s absence was still there but it was becoming a dull ache rather than the agony it had been.

He still missed the man terribly. 

Daniel sighed as he looked through the sales reports. The team was still doing well. Daniel wasn’t sure whether it was a good thing or a bad thing that he had taken his head out of the game for so long and the business had continued without his input.

The sound of the front door made his jump. He looked up. He had become so used to being alone that for a moment he forgot that someone else had the key.

‘Hi Daniel’ Johnny stood in the doorway. 

Daniel stood slowly, staring. ‘Johnny’ was all he said.

‘I wasn’t sure if I should just let myself in or knock or what’ Johnny said. 

He was nervous. He hadn’t seen Daniel in so long, had avoided his calls and he knew there was a chance the man may have moved on. Johnny had needed the space and had just had to take that chance. As much as it had hurt him, Johnny had known that his recovery was more important.

The morning after the awards ceremony Johnny had driven for a long time, just thinking. He had ended up at the beach, watching the surf. He had really thought about his life fully for the first time, about everything. The decisions he had made, the things that had been out of his control and the things that had been very much in his control. 

He had eventually called Bobby. Johnny needed help and didn’t know who else to turn to. He had ended up on Bobby’s doorstep. Johnny had made a decision. He needed to change, to confront his past and move forward. But the thought fucking terrified him. 

Johnny had seen the missed calls from Daniel, heard all the messages. It had taken every ounce of strength he had not to pick up the phone, not to pack his bag and run back. But he knew if he did that, he would go back to square one.

Johnny needed professional help. He had gone to his first AA meeting the day after arriving at Bobby’s. He had attended his first therapist appointment the next day. It had all happened quickly, but Johnny knew if he didn’t do it now, he would back out.

His first AA meeting had been daunting. Johnny had almost been sick with the worry of it. He had stumbled over his words as he admitted to the group that he was an alcoholic. Johnny had never said it out loud. Deep down he had always known it but had never spoken the words. The group had smiled and welcomed him. Johnny told them what happened, how he ruined a special night for Daniel. He waited for their outrage, but they didn’t judge him, just listened. They all had similar stories of how their addiction had alienated them from loved ones.

Johnny’s first meeting with his psychiatrist had been worse. Bobby had found a doctor, a specialist who helped patients with Johnny’s history. Johnny was terrified. Walking into that office, with its large sofa and the man sitting behind the desk with a notepad had triggered painful memories. It wasn’t the first time the doctor had seen a patient with Johnny experiences react so violently to the site of a therapist couch.

The man had spent the first session just reassuring Johnny and talking him through his methods. 

Johnny spent the second session telling the doctor everything. He had a whole life of stories to tell, from his arrival at Sid’s house as a child, the boy his stepfather had never wanted, all the way to his relationship with Daniel and his crippling fear that Daniel would one day see him for who he really was. Johnny spoke about his long-held belief that there was something not right about him, that he was missing something, broken somehow.

As Johnny spoke about his life his doctor had one day asked if anyone had ever spoken to him about his addictions. He believed Johnny to have a sex addiction that had morphed into an alcohol addiction upon the birth of his son. 

Johnny had argued. He had never been a sex addict, he had said, there was nothing wrong with a man having multiple partners. But as he had sat in the spare room at Bobby’s house that night and looked back on his life, he knew what the doctor had said was true. Johnny would never be able to remember the number of sexual partners he had in those years; he knew that if he was honest it would be in the hundreds. He also knew why he had done it, that sense of control that it brought him, the sense of release. Since Johnny had started drinking, he could have counted the number of partners on the fingers of his hands. The realisation had made him feel sick with himself. Johnny had made a follow up appointment the next day.

They spoke about Sid and Kreese and Cobra Kai, working through Johnny's desperation for acceptance and search for a father figure. Once Johnny started to talk, he realised just how much he had been carrying around for so long. And then they started on his time at Fairford House.

Johnny told his doctor about the therapy sessions he had endured. What Johnny had experienced were not the therapy sessions, the doctor had told him, not in the way that anyone in the profession defined them. They were aversion exercises, designed to warp Johnny’s belief in himself in an attempt to render him unable to have any kind of healthy relationship with a man. And they had worked. Johnny had spent the next thirty-four years alone. 

Johnny was seeing the doctor once a week and was attending AA meetings every day. He had a sponsor and hadn’t had a drink in four weeks. He had been at Bobby’s house for only a week when a particularly challenging therapy session had led to Johnny having a slip. Bobby had found him in the guest bedroom with a bottle of Coors, half empty. Bobby had sat with him while he finished the bottle, no judgement, just talking. With the help of Bobby and his sponsor, Johnny had not touched a drink since.

Five weeks later he felt strong enough to face Daniel, to see there was still a relationship to go back to. He had so much to say to the other man.

Daniel stepped towards Johnny. He wanted to throw his arms around the man but hesitated. ‘I’ve missed you’ was all he said.

‘I’ve missed you too, Daniel. I’m sorry for leaving like that. I had some shit I needed to sort out’

‘It’s OK. It was my fault. I’m so sorry for the things I said. I didn’t mean them’ Daniel said.

‘Yes, you did Daniel. And I deserved them. I ruined a night that meant a lot of you’ He looked around. ‘Look, Daniel. Can we talk? We have a lot to talk about’ he moved towards the sofa and Daniel followed. They sat and Johnny took Daniel’s hand in his. ‘I love you so much, you know that. And I want to come back to live with you, if you’ll let me’

Daniel breathed a sigh. ‘Of course. I was so scared that you were just about to tell me that it was over’ He smiled. ‘I love you too’

They kissed. As they broke apart Johnny and Daniel smiled at each other. There was a moment of silence. Both men had a lot to say to each other but didn’t know where to start.

‘You were right, what you said. I am an alcoholic. I’ve started going to AA’ Johnny said.

‘That’s great, Johnny’

‘I’m also seeing a shrink. Got a lot of shit to unpack but it's going well’

Daniel smiled, ‘I’m so glad to hear that’

Johnny looked at Daniel, not smiling. He had told himself he would be honest with Daniel, but it was still so hard for him.

‘Uh...I’ve decided that I’m going to tell you everything. If you want to know. I’ve kept a lot of shit to myself over the years and I want to be able to talk about it, to know that you know. Is that OK?’ 

He looked Daniel in the eye. He knew the only way to get through this was just get it out.

Daniel squeezed Johnny’s hand. ‘I want you to tell me. I worry about you and I know there is so much you haven’t told me. The nightmares…’

Johnny interrupted. ‘You know about those?’

Daniel smiled softly. ‘I sleep in the same bed as you, Johnny. You cry out in your sleep. I know about the late-night runs’

‘Oh yeah’ Johnny said nervously. ‘I still get them, but my shrink has been teaching me techniques to go back to sleep afterwards, breathing techniques to calm down’

Johnny paused. He took a deep breath. ‘OK, I’m gonna talk, just put all my cards on the table’

‘I’m here to listen to anything you want to tell me’ Daniel said, another squeeze of his hand. 

Johnny took a breath. He closed his eyes. As he opened them, he started talking.

He told Daniel everything. The abuse from his stepfather, the harsh training at Cobra Kai, the clear message that nothing but perfection was good enough. The rejection by his mother and her agreeing to send him away. He spoke at length about his time at Fairford House, everything that he had never told Daniel. The therapy sessions, being told that there was something wrong with him, being forced to watch violent sexual material.

He told Daniel about leaving for New York. As he spoke about his feelings of Daniel’s rejection of him, Daniel started to apologise. Johnny interrupted him. He just needed Daniel to listen or he would never get through it all.

Johnny spoke about his time in New York, on the streets, the things that he had done to survive, the things that some men paid to do to teenage boys. He told Daniel about the night outside a bar where Johnny had been attacked while drunk, beaten so badly that the barman who had found him in the alley out back had at first thought Johnny was dead. 

Daniel started to cry. He blamed himself for where Johnny had found himself. Johnny had reassured him. They were just children, and neither should have had to handle what had happened to them. Johnny could never blame him. 

They sat there for hours. Johnny told Daniel about his life in New York, the faceless, nameless partners. He had been healthy, and he thought happy back then. Now Johnny saw that he was a sex addict, trying to reclaim control that had been taken away from him. Daniel heard about the move back to LA, the nightmares, the loneliness, the self-hatred, and Johnny’s failed relationship with his son. Johnny told Daniel of his belief that Daniel would one day leave him, that it was only a matter of time. And finally, Daniel learned that Johnny had only just begun to understand that none of this had happened because Johnny was either broken or empty.

After Johnny was finished, they sat in silence for a long time, just holding hands. Johnny didn’t look at Daniel. 

Eventually Johnny spoke. ‘Look, I understand that this is a lot and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to handle this, you know’ 

Daniel was silent for a long time. Johnny just watched him.

‘Daniel?’

Daniel looked up at him. His eyes were sad, and Johnny started to worry. 

‘I’ll leave if that’s what…?’ Johnny started and Daniel cut him off, kissing the other man. 

Daniel put his hand to Johnny’s cheek and kissed him deeply. Johnny kissed him back. Daniel pulled away and looked at Johnny, at his familiar blue eyes, the same blue eyes that he had loved for over thirty years.

‘I’m not going anywhere. Anything you’re going through; I will be there by your side. I love you. You’re the love of my life’ Daniel smiled, blinking back tears.

The two men kissed and spent the rest of the evening just being with each other. Eventually Johnny fell asleep in Daniel’s arms. He wasn’t disturbed by nightmares.

*************************

A month later Daniel and Johnny were happy. Johnny was still sober and attending AA meetings four nights a week. He was also still seeing his psychiatrist and was making progress unpicking his past. He still had bad days and the occasional nightmare, but Johnny was learning techniques to cope with them.

Daniel and Johnny had started to attend couples therapy. It had been suggested by Johnny doctor and when Johnny had mentioned it, Daniel had been relieved. Daniel had felt the same but had worried that Johnny would be offended, that he would feel it meant that Daniel felt there was something wrong with their relationship. 

Their therapist was helping them to be honest and to handle their expectations of each other. Daniel tended to put a lot of pressure on the relationship to be perfect and Johnny feared that he wouldn't measure up. Daniel had a habit of not expressing his frustrations, letting them build up, and Johnny would over analyse any comment Daniel made, trying to find hidden meaning that wasn’t there. 

The therapist was also helping them with the impact that Johnny’s issues and recovery was having on the relationship, including Daniel’s misplaced guilt. 

Things were good.

One evening Johnny came home late. Daniel was cooking. He looked up as Johnny entered the kitchen and started to make tea.

Daniel could smell something. He looked at Johnny and leant towards him. He sniffed Johnny’s hair.

Johnny turned, caught Daniel smelling him. ‘Can I help you, LaRusso? You know smelling people's hair is weird, right?’

Daniel stepped back. ‘What do you smell of?’ He sniffed him again. ‘You smell like swimming pool’

‘Ding ding, LaRusso. Twenty points’ Johnny turned and looked at him, drinking his tea.

‘You’ve been swimming? I didn’t know you swam’ 

Johnny shrugged. ‘I used to swim a lot. I find it relaxing. Under the water it’s quiet and I find it clears my mind. Just me and the water’

‘Wow. That’s...uh...great. How long have you been doing that? You never said anything’

Johnny sipped his tea before answering. ‘I’ve just been going to the local pool in Reseda the last week or so. I didn’t want to say anything. I kind of felt I wanted to just do it, not make a fuss about it, you know’

Daniel smiled. ‘I get you. How is it?’

‘Fucking hard. I am only just realising how out of shape I am. It was like swimming through oatmeal the first time’

Daniel laughed. ‘Johnny, no one would describe you as out of shape’

Johnny put his mug down and wrapped his arms around Daniel. ‘You saying I’m in good shape?’

Daniel kissed him. ‘That is exactly what I’m saying’

The two men kissed, putting their hands in each other. They were so caught up in each other’s touch that they didn’t notice their dinner start to burn until the smoke alarm went off. They ended up eating takeout and falling asleep on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket.

************************

Johnny sat on the sofa watching TV when Daniel came in. Johnny looked up and Daniel stared at him.

‘I did something’ Daniel said, cryptically. 

Johnny looked at Daniel, cocking his head to the side. He looked suspicious. ‘What did you do?’ he asked.

Daniel smiled. ‘I have been thinking about something for a while. Something for you’ Daniel looked guilty and proud of himself at the same time. 

Johnny put the TV remote down and sat forward. Daniel didn’t elaborate. ‘Well, spit it out. What did you do?’ 

Daniel smiled cheekily. ‘Just wait there one second’ Daniel disappeared out of the room and Johnny heard him leave the apartment and walk down the hall. 

Johnny waited. He had no idea what Daniel was up to. He had never seen Daniel like this, all excitable but Johnny could see he was trying to keep his cool.

Johnny suddenly heard a familiar sound. The fast tapping of nails on wooden floorboards. He knew that that sound was. Johnny stood up.

_Daniel, you didn’t!_

Daniel walked back into the room holding a grey and white scruffy dog. ‘I got us a dog. Or more like I got you a dog’ he said proudly.

The small dog looked about and barked. It had what looked like a little grey moustache under its nose. It looked at Johnny and gave another little bark.

‘Daniel’ he said softly. ‘I can’t believe you did this’ Johnny stepped towards them and put his hand on the dog’s head. He had wiry hair, just like the dog that Johnny had lost so many years ago. The dog licked his hands.

‘You said you had a dog once and had to give him up. This apartment block is pet friendly, so I thought…… You said you were never allowed pets when you were a kid. I hope you're pleased’

Johnny didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t even thought about how much he enjoyed having a furry companion. After having to give up his border terrier when he moved to LA, he had just stopped considering it, never thinking it was possible again. 

‘Can I?’ He took the dog from Daniel. The dog looked up at him and licked his nose.

‘He’s a miniature schnauzer. His name’s Milo’ Daniel said. ‘This one’s six months old. He came into the local kennel, someone had to give him up and he needed a new home’

Johnny put the small dog on the floor, who immediately started to sniff around the apartment. They watched as Milo came to the edge of the sofa and jumped up, curling up and looked up at the two men.

‘He already looks at home’ Daniel said.

‘I can’t believe you did this. Thank you’ Johnny kissed Daniel. 

********************

Every day Johnny would get up early for a run with Milo around the park, who would then travel with Johnny to work. Milo would spend his days wandering the Cobra Kai dojo, watching Johnny train the kids or curling up to sleep under the desk in the office. The kids loved him, and Milo was constantly spoilt with treats and toys. 

Johnny continued to swim and built a gym in the back of the dojo. He worked out there most days. Before long he was feeling as in shape as he was in his thirties.

Johnny’s phone rang. It was a number he didn't recognise.

‘Is this John Lawrence?’ The man said.

‘That’s me’

‘This is Mr Parker of Parker and Jones law. We are the lawyers of Mr Weinberg, your stepfather, and I’m calling to inform you that he has died’

**********************

‘Johnny?’ Daniel walked into the apartment. 

Johnny was sitting on the sofa, scratching Milo’s head idly. There was an open bottle of beer sitting on the table. Johnny turned and looked up at Daniel.

Daniel looked at the bottle and didn’t say anything. He sat down opposite Johnny.

‘Are you OK, Johnny?’ Daniel asked gently.

Johnny looked at the beer. ‘I bought beer and opened it and now I’m just looking at it. Been sat here a while’

‘Do you want to drink it?’ Daniel asked. 

‘More than anything in the world’ 

Johnny picked up the bottle. Daniel watched him, resisting the urge to knock the drink from Johnny’s hands. Johnny rolled the bottle between his hands. They sat in silence, Daniel just watching Johnny, willing him not to take a drink.

Johnny sighed. ‘Sid’s dead’

‘Oh wow’ Daniel moved to sit next to Johnny. ‘When did you find out?’

‘Today. His lawyers called me. The funeral is tomorrow’ Johnny looked down at the bottle. He could smell the beer and it was making his mouth water. ‘I just…. I don’t know…. I heard he was dead, and I just felt…. like I needed a drink’ He put the bottle on the table. ‘And now, I don’t know. I don’t think I should’

Daniel took Johnny’s hand. ‘Please don’t. You’ve done so well. Let me get rid of it. Let’s call your sponsor, OK’

Johnny nodded and Daniel quickly took the bottle to the kitchen. He poured it and the other five bottles down the drain. He came back to the living room and sat with Johnny.

‘Are you going to the funeral?’ He asked.

‘I think I am. At first, I wanted to go to check the man was dead. And now, you know, he was a bastard and treated me like shit, but I still think I should go. Let go of the anger and everything’ He looked at Daniel. ‘Will you come with me?’

Daniel put his arms around Johnny’s shoulder. ‘Of course, I’ll come’ He squeezed Johnny's shoulders. ‘But unlike you, I do want to check the bastard is actually dead’. Johnny laughed and rested his head on Daniel’s shoulder.

The next afternoon, Daniel and Johnny sat at the back during the ceremony. It was a sombre funeral, lots of people from the business world but, apart from Johnny, no family.

As Johnny looked around, he realised that really Sid had been the only family he had left, and he was Sid’s only family. Daniel is his family now, he thought. 

There was a wake back at Sid’s house, arranged by Sid’s lawyers, and Johnny asked Daniel if he would mind them attending. Johnny wanted to go back to his old room, flush out some demons. 

Daniel was fearful of what a trip back to the home of his childhood and teenage years would do to Johnny. He feared that, just like yesterday, Johnny would seek comfort in a drink. 

Johnny and his sponsor had spoken at length last night and Johnny felt ready. The beer the day before had been the closest that Johnny had come to a drink in weeks and he now knew he was not helpless to it. He needed to do this; needed to visit his old home.

Johnny stood at the bottom of the stairs to the large, white house. He looked up at it and took a deep breath. Daniel squeezed his hand.

As they stepped into the lobby, it looked the same as Johnny remembered. He looked up the staircase and at the chandelier handing over them. They were all exactly as he remembered them. He could still imagine his young self running up and down those stairs, when he was young enough that the large rooms were a novelty and the perfect play area. Before he got older and learned to move through the house quietly, trying not to be noticed, his room becoming his refuge. Those years were lonely ones.

Johnny walked through to the kitchen and looked out at the pool area. It looked like it hadn’t had anyone swim in it for years and Johnny imagined Sid living in this big old house by himself. Johnny wondered whether his stepfather had been lonely, finding that he almost felt sad for the nasty old man.

Daniel watched Johnny, giving him space. There were refreshments and Daniel helped himself. Someone said his name and he turned to see a client of LaRusso Autos. As he started to chat to the woman, Daniel didn’t notice Johnny leave the room.

Johnny headed up the stairs, running his hand along the familiar banister. He remembered how he like to slide down these banisters when he was a child, until Sid had caught him. That was the first time that Sid had hit him, a smack round the head, minor compared to what came later, but it was a shock for the small boy who had only ever experienced a mother’s love. He never did it again.

As he moved onto the landing, he looked down at the lobby below him, standing at the railings. No one was paying him any attention. Johnny started to move down the corridor and came to a door, still so familiar to him.

Johnny stepped into his old bedroom and closed the door behind him. He looked around. There was still a bed in the same place and the bathroom off to his left, but to look at it, no one would ever believe a teenage boy had lived here. It was decorated blandly, just a spare room in a house full of unused guest rooms. 

Johnny sat on the bed. He put his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands in front of him. It was so strange to be back here.

He got up and looked in the bathroom. Empty and obviously not used in years. 

Johnny turned and opened the closet. There was nothing apart from some empty dry-cleaning bags. He started to close the door before he noticed a cardboard box on the top shelf. _Johnny_ was written in black marker on an open flap of the box.

He reached up and managed to grasp a corner, pulling it towards him until he could take the box from the shelf. 

Johnny carried the box to the bed and sat down. He placed it next to him and opened it.

Inside were an assortment of items that Johnny knew all too well. On top were some old comics. Underneath he found a trophy, high school soccer 1982. Johnny put them aside and found a karate belt, not the black one that he had been so proud of but his orange belt, the first he had received. 

With it was a photo. Johnny and his mother at the Cobra Kai dojo, Johnny with a big smile on his face in his gi, the orange belt around his waist. Kreese stood with them, arms folded, looking as stern as always. Johnny's mother had her arm around her son, smiling proudly. It wasn’t long before she had stopped attending anything related to karate, her life with Sid taking up so much of her time.

Johnny reached in further and pulled out some photos. He laughed as he looked at them, shots of him and his friends around the pool. The old Cobra Kai boys waving to someone off camera; Ali and some of her girlfriends smiling. 

Johnny started to feel a painful lump in his throat as he found an old postcard he had given his mother, just because he had thought it was funny, a cartoon of an alligator in a white karate gi, punching a board held in the mouth of a second alligator. 

Johnny had no doubt that his mother had kept this box, stashed it away as his room was cleared out. He wondered when she had done this. How long after he left had it taken for Sid to convert this room to a guest room?

Johnny gasped. At the bottom of the box, folded neatly, was his red Cobra Kai leather jacket and a black headband. He pulled them out. Johnny felt tears well up and he held the jacket to his face. The items from his childhood had opened a floodgate and he started to cry. He hadn’t seen these items for thirty-four years. He wondered if his mother had hoped that Johnny would one day get them back.

Johnny rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and sniffed. Shit, he needed to get himself together, he thought. 

Johnny looked up as the door opened. Daniel looked round the door. When he saw Johnny he stepped inside, closing the bedroom door behind him. 

‘I thought I might find you up here’ he said. Daniel saw the items on the next and sat opposite Johnny. He picked up one of the comics.

‘I found this. My mum must have kept them’ Johnny said, wiping his eyes.

‘Wow’ he said, looking through the items. Daniel took the jacket and held it up in front of him. ‘I remember this’ he said, smiling.

‘Yeah, I bet you do’ Johnny said, nudging him.

Daniel put the jacket down and looked at his partner. ‘Are you OK, Johnny?’ He asked.

‘I am’ Johnny stood. ‘Let’s get out of here’ Johnny replaced the items to box and tucked the box under his arm. Daniel followed him from the room, closing the door behind him.

They both left the house, no one noticing them leaving. Daniel took his hand as they walked down the stone steps and down the long driveway. 

Johnny threw the box in the backseat and climbed in the car next to Daniel. Daniel looked at him. 

‘Where do you want to go?’ He asked.

‘Let’s get Milo and go to the beach’ he said. 

Daniel kissed Johnny and started the car. ‘Sounds good’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to every who read, gave kudos and commented on this. This story has been a bit of a labour of love for me so I am so thankful for the kind comments and feedback.
> 
> Now I can stop writing and go back to my current hobby of refreshing Twitter for word on the S3 trailer that drops today! :D


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